2 Truths and a Lie [NOT 13/7/21]

Hi, friends!

I got nothing to talk about tonight, so time for some silliness.

How about some rounds of 2 truths and a lie?

I’ll start

  • bribed a government official
  • been waterskiing/water tubing
  • eaten armadillo


  1. 1.bribe.
    Been to Tahiti.
    Been to Ireland. 
    Been to Great Wall of China

    • I’m guessing you haven’t been to Tahiti

      • You’d be wrong

        • Oh that’s so awesome!

          French Polynesia is on my bucket list but the logistics of getting there hold me back. 

          • French Polynesia is heaven on earth.  I have been there 5 times & hope to go back 5 more!

          • San Fran for 3 days then 7 in an over the water bungalow.  Logistics be damned!

    • re: bribing a govt official

      Nah, I’ve done that twice

  2. I’m guessing you have not been waterskiing/water tubing?
    Here’s mine:
    -Mile High Club member
    -Urinated on Jane Russell
    -Chased by a wild boar

    • Wild boar are surprisingly common, so that really isn’t that unlikely

      guessing the mile high club is the lie

      • I dunno…. Lots of flights to the mainland…

      • Card carrying member!  I worked for an airline for 11 years so flew first class a bunch.  Surprisingly, I have never been chased by a boar.  

        • Well I don’t recommend it, wild boar look dangerous!

        • @Loveshaq Wait so that means you urinated on Jane Russell?

          • I was an infant & she held me on a plane & apparently the diaper was faulty.  I’m not that old or kinky…ok, I’m not that old !

            • That’s a fantastic, hilarious, brush with fame.

    • Winner winner chicken dinner!

      Despite being a few hours from Lake of the Ozarks almost my entire life, I’ve never been water skiing or water tubing.

      I used to sit by a dude in his late 50s who was pretending to be young still and that moron liked to barefoot ski on the Lake until a few years ago when he hit a log and broke the fuck out of his foot

  3. Eaten an armadillo.


    1.  Diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome.

    2.  Told Jack Nicholson where he could go.

    3.  Hitchhiked across the country.

    • Oh! I bet you’ve never hitch-hiked across the country.

      You’d totally try, but then someone would talk about how much they loved cilantro and you’d throw yourself from the moving car to escape them!

      • I’ve done a bunch of hitchhiking in Alaska, but not across the country.  I did know two guys who hitchhiked from CT to AK (meaning through Canada) after they graduated from high school.  They had the same conversation three times a day, every time they ate:

        Hitchhiker #1:  What should we have for (insert meal name here)?

        Hitchhiker #2:  Well, what do we have?

        Hitchhiker #1:  We have ramen, ramen…and ramen!

        Hitchhiker #2:  I think I’ll have the ramen.

    • Nope, I’ve had grilled armadillo.

      In ye olde grad school dayes, one field season I had a bunch of idiot undergrads from a college in the upper Midwest to babysit and one of the crew members brought armadillo for them to eat on the night of our end-of-season party. 

      After watching a few very very drunk idiots try to eat the armadillo shell (which flakes slightly when cooked over an open flame) I was like fine if they die, they die. 

        • Comparable to overcooked alligator. 

          Probably would be fine cooked low and slow to loosen up the meat and if you added some fat though. 

  4. Oh this is fun! I’ll have to remember this game when we start having people over again. Mine are:

    -Proposed marriage to a woman while sober and in my 40s

    -Had a lovely, 45-minute conversation with Kim Cattrall while seated practically on her lap

    -Am a big fan of Tori Amos and have 2 autographs

    • I bet you aren’t a huge fan of Tori Amos and have 2 autographs. 


      • Yea, that’s total BS. No new Yorker likes Tori Amos.

        • Ignorant Midwesterner here

          Why wouldn’t a New Yorker like Tori Amos?

        • You would be surprised at how many of my (gay male) friends do. I certainly am. A friend of mine does have two Tori Amos autographs so I thought that would be my red herring.

      • Dammit, you’re right. That didn’t take too long.

  5. Just picked a pimple off my dog’s dong shaft.
    Ate kangaroo, in Australia (not Australian)
    Was a substitute columnist for an SO, sent an article topped with “Fake Headline To Be Figured Out Later” to the editor, they ended up publishing it with that exact headline with her byline. On a national publication.

    • I seem to recall #3 just happening, so unless you’re that person I’m going with #1.

      • I’m not that person. This was nearly 20 years ago and not in English, but really happened. 
        The kangaroo one is the lie, but mostly because I was too drunk to know if I actually had kangaroo meat drinking my way down the Gold Coast.

    • Dog dong pimples are totally feasible, as is the kangaroo one

      My guess is the article one!

  6. It was a night to remember. She was lovely and very, very, very funny.

  7. 1:  I dated a girl who styled Joe Pepitone’s wig.
    2:  I have memorized the first several pages of James Joyce’s Ulysses.
    3:  My wife is a world-class skydiver who carried the torch in the Olympics one year. 

    • My guess is the second one. That’s a painful memorization. 

      • That one is the lie.  I did once memorize the first page and a half of Finnegan’s Wake though.  I have long forgotten most of it except for the first several lines that begin “riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs”
        I was a snotty literature grad student with a drug habit and OCD at the time.  

    • # 3 Skydiving isn’t an Olympic sport. Is it?

      • No, but bringing the Olympic torch to the stadium is part of the opening ceremonies.  That one is absolutely true.

  8. I’m late but here goes

    1 I was in a zombie movie

    2 I’m very good at pinball

    3 I’ve been arrested 

    • I’m going to assume you were very good at pinball during your life around the time you got arrested?

      So I am going with #1

      • But you live in the states so technically you are currently in a zombie movie…so IDK.

      • Nope, I was in The Day of the Dead. Just an extra but I got a close up and Tom Savini did my make up himself.

        • I am going to watch this movie…what do I win if I spot you?

          • Let me know if you do!

        • OoOoOoO I was almost in a zombie movie, but I guess they ran out of money or whatever and it was never made. I would have been Screaming Girl #2 and Mancow and Ron Jeremy were supposed to be in it 😛

        • When I lived in College Park there was a call for extras to just sit in the crowd at Camden Yards for the filming of game scenes for Major League 2.  I still wish I’d gone.

      • Nope! I kill at pinball. 😁

        Oddly enough, for all the sketchy behavior in my youth I’ve never been arrested! Although I’ve come very close.

  9. 1. Partied with The Tragically Hip in Boston

    2. Peed in the Stanley Cup

    3. Taught highschool drama with a member of the Selke family 

  10. I don’t know who the Selke family are. But I’m going to guess that because I’m sure you would pee in the Stanley Cup if you had the chance. 

    • I’m sure if you peed in the Stanley Cup that would be in your signature & we would have heard about it every day since.  

      • I did pee in the Stanley Cup while Steve Yzerman was holding it!

        • That is living the Canadian dream & you are my new hero!  Also, don’t people drink out of that thing?  Did you start COVID?

          • Ewww, I think they do, lol

          • It was in the 90’s after the Red Wings won the cup. They had a house party in my home town to which I was invited.

            Sidenote: There probably isn’t one player who ever won the stanley cup who hasn’t ejaculated into it…if you’re interested in hockey stories you’d definitely be interested in the abuse the Cup has been through throughout its history.

            Drinking from the cup is mandatory! It’s clean when that happens.

            • 🤮

            • Two Canadians & a cup?

    • The Selke family are Montreal Canadien (barf) royalty.

    • The last remaining member of the Selke family is a retired high school teacher who never had kids (she adopted a girl who went to the high school and who now has kids so she is a grandma now). I was never in any of her classes but for co-op in grade 12 I helped teach four of her grade 9 drama classes (by the fourth one I was the teacher, pretty much). We still randomly keep in touch.

      Part of the curriculum was this exact game we are playing tonight and she always went with:

      1. Partied with The Hip in Boston

      2. Used to skate with the Montreal Canadiens as a little girl

      3. Insert something unbelievable but random here

      She threw all of her students off because the correct answer was always “all of the above.”

      She single-handedly changed my life…perhaps even saved it in a way from time to time tbh.

      I never partied with The Hip in Boston, but I did in Kingston…so I was kind of doing the same thing, but not, here…in her honour 🙂

  11. is this the way to armadillo?
    every night ive been hugging my pillow!

    sha la lalalaalalalalalalala!
    wait were we playing a game?
    oh god…im going to be singing this all day

  12. 1. I spent a New Years in the back of a police cruiser
    2. I hit Elon Musk in the back of the head with a snowball
    3. Despite my fear of heights I went skydiving

    • 3.
      1. I hate this game more than the one where you count all the people you’ve slept with
      2. I love baseball
      3. I saw Bob Dylan in a parking lot and thought he was a creepy guy in a raincoat

      • I remember one of those anecdotes in Reader’s Digest, some kid comes home and says some scary old man sang to them at school.  Turns out he was in the same class as Bob Dylan’s grandchild.

      • Just because it was Bob Dylan doesn’t mean it wasn’t a creepy guy in a raincoat.

        • ding ding ding! I am always still counting while evvyone is coming up with single digit numbers. My quest to shatter all the old man’s edicts [i.e. men sow wild oats, women be virgins until marriage] has taken some dark turns!

      • In the last decade, Dylan is known to skulk around tour stop towns in a raincoat or hoodie. Probably just to fuck with people.

  13. #2 But you’d like to

    • Actually it is 3 (Sedevilc)
      1. I was handcuffed and politely shoved in the back of a police cruiser thanks to the return of The Narcissist Cokehead during the Xmas holidays.  I learned yet again the road to hell was paved with good intentions (I was trying to “nice” and let her stay a few days which proved I was really fucking stupid.)
      2. I went to school with Elon for 2 years (I didn’t know that as he transferred out to the U of Penn.)  However, I remember getting involved in a snowball fight in 2nd year (Engineering freshman vs upper years).   When I saw pics of Elon, I wondered why he looked so familiar.  I beaned Elon in the head during said fight.
      3. I never really wanted to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  I did once want to be a paratrooper (but I was young and stupid.)  My knees say thank you.

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