A Canadian Reviews Canada Foods NOT [24/6/23]

24/6/23 ManchuCandidate 40

I had a recent Firefox pocket article pop up in my feed on favorite quintessential Canadian Foods. I think I’ve eaten most of it and give my opinions on it for my Non Canadian Friends…

  1. Poutine. Fries with gravy and cheese curds. This shows I’m not a true Canuck because I don’t like it. I like fries and gravy and I like cheese, but put it all together? Nah. It didn’t matter how much beer I drank that night, there was no way I was going to shovel that mess into my mouth. I prefer Belgian Fries with Garlic Mayo over Poutine (quelle horreur!) except my stomach doesn’t as mayo and garlic give me massive heartburn.
  2. Hawaiian Pizza. Yes, I know that people from Hawaii and pizza purists all over are upset about it, but I like it. Ham and pineapple on pizza? Yes.
  3. Montreal Smoked Meat Sandwiches. This is what deli means to me. I like corned beef and pastrami, but there is nothing like a Montreal Smoke Meat Sandwich with hot mustard and a kosher pickle. Nothing from NYC can top it. Costco in Canada used to sell them for $5 with a pop, but I was so upset when they stopped (it was the only reason I wanted to go to Costco with my parents.)
  4. Split Pea Soup. I make it every winter. Easy to make (I am a lazy cook.)
  5. Coffee Crisp. It’s slogan in the 90s was “How Do You like your coffee?” “Crisp”. I like this chocolate bar. It’s built around a coffee middle that compliments all the sweet chocolate and wafer.
  6. Crispy Crunch Bar. Another Canada only candy bar. Chocolate coated peanut butter brittle is the best way I can describe it. I find it better than the Butterfinger which it is similar to. Bart Simpson can have his damn Butterfinger. I’ll have the Crispy Crunch Bar.
  7. Montreal Bagels. To me it’s just another carb laden bready thing to shove in my face. It’s smaller than a New York Bagel, but tastier. I view bagels as a cream cheese delivery system.
  8. Nanaimo Bars. If you want to get diabeetus deux in a hurry, eat a lot of these.
  9. Butter Tarts. I didn’t get these as a kid, but I enjoy them as an adult. Unlike many purists, I prefer the ones with pecans.
  10. Ketchup, All Dressed and Dill Pickle Potato chips. I have eaten a lot of potato chips in my yout’. I enjoy all of these flavors.
  11. Peameal Bacon. I prefer it over regular bacon because it isn’t as greasy. Not what a lot of Americans call “Canadian” bacon. It’s actually the pork loin and coated with peameal. A popular diner menu item is a peameal bacon and egg sandwich.
  12. Cadbury Creme Eggs. Too damn sweet for me. They always show up here like clockwork in Feb and disappear by late May.
  13. Fiddleheads. What the hell are they? They’re the tender shoots of a fern usually found in the East Coast that appear from May to June. The elderly Canadian couple who befriended my parents and the closest thing I had to grandparents used to make these a lot when in season. I prefer them steamed with some lemon, pepper and butter.
  14. Smarties. The Commonwealth M&M, but better. Thicker crunchier coating than the M&M.

Anything else on your mind?

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40 Comments

    • There’a a burger place near me connected to a movie theater I like, and they have poutine on the menu.

      The problem for me is the gravy softens up the fries too fast. When I got it to snack on during the movie, it all went soggy too fast.

      I feel like you need a cup of gravy on the side as a dip for the fries, so they can maintain their integrity. Although I’m guessing if you’re getting them in Sudbury Ontario in the middle of February, you’re inhaling them in about 15 seconds, and there’s no time for them to go soft.

      • That’s my main complaint. The Cheez curds and gravy make the thing into mush which happens often when you’re drunk AF on a Sat night/Sun Morn in a smelly ole pizza shop in Kingston that sells Poutine.

        I don’t like the soggy mess.

        • Manchu, if you think of Poutine as a *Hotdish, with deep-fried ingredients*, rather than “Soggy Fries” i can *assure* you, it’s typically excellent, and *perfect* for Wintertime Carb-loading!😉😆🤣💖

  2. This is an excellent post.

    1. I will take your portion of poutine.

    2. You know what’s really good, and this is kind of a Cali adaptation of a “Hawaiian” pizza, is pineapple and jalapeño peppers. I was extremely dubious when friends urged me to try it, but I fell in love.

    3. I am being grossly traitorous, and next thing you know I’ll be, I don’t know, storming the Capitol, but I agree with you re: Montreal smoked meat sandwiches and bagels being (often, not always) superior to what you find in New York. Sometimes the problem with NYC bagels is they’re too thick and pillowy, so you have to scoop out some of the bread if you want to fill them with whitefish salad or something.

    4. The Nanaimo bars:

    Food You Can Eat: Nanaimo Bars

  4. Also hard agree – Hawaiian pizza just works so well, I love it, too.

    I’ve never had a Montreal bagel but after a cursory research moment with the googles, I definitely would enjoy those!

    • I’ve eaten at such places and actually miss them because of nostalgia.

      Nowadays, the spice mix is a reflection of where the chef came from. Before it was generic mix of salt, soy and garlic.

      What makes them Canadian-Chinese?  Well… chicken balls and General Tso’s chicken.  Usually things deep fried in batter.

            • Ironically? I’ve only been to the fair once or twice, since they started making them there😉

              I *did* have the Deep-fried Oreo there…

              best advice, is to team up with 2-4 friends when you go, Get the Blue Book (maybe even a *couple* of them!), decide what foods you all want to try, then have *everybody* purchase different things and then just have *one or two* of each thing, rather than the whole amount!

              That way you don’t get sick of or *from* them!😉😁💖

              The Deep-fried Snickers was something that we did when I lived with one of my old roommates (Lily’s original owner). She and another friend and I all loved cooking, baking, and food. So one weekend, when we had a fondue “party,” we tried Deep-frying *multiple* things–Snickers was one, and a different time, we decided to make Deep-fried Pickles.

               

               

               

              • To my everlasting shame I have never been to a state fair. Or an agricultural fair. I don’t know how much of the novelty foods I’d dig into, but I would like to avail myself of the more accessible foods, like pies, and burgers, and hots dogs, and take a look at the prize-winning produce and livestock. And chat.

                 

  6. I don’t care for Hawaiian pizza, or split pea soup. I had a Coffee Crisp bar once but it came from World Market and it was stale. I’ve never had poutine or anything else on the list. What the hell did I eat when I was in Canada?

    • I’ve long wanted to go to the Maritimes — the coast seems like an absolutely great place to see.

      But I looked up the Tattoo and they’re holding it here:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotiabank_Centre

      Can you imagine a more generic place? They may as well hold it at halftime at an Oklahoma City – Columbus Ohio indoor soccer game.

      They ought to hold it at an outdoors parade ground at twilight, and if that means every other year it happens in fog or driving rain, well, that’s how it ought to be.

      • Even in late June the weather in Halifax can be more than a little iffy. Nova Scotia is Latin for New Scotland and that’s no mistake. Bundle up! I seem to remember going once and it was held on a parade grounds outside, but that might have been some kind of special anniversary event attached to the Tattoo.

  8. I love Nanaimo Bars.  My knowledge of Canadian food may be a little limited having only spent much time in BC. & short stays in Alberta.  Not a fan of poutine but salmon candy is good.   McVities digestives are very popular with my wife and daughters though I can take or leave them.   I really love all the Asian food in Vancouver, so many amazing restaurants.  I also will admit that I love the chain Earls (not for Earl’s girls but just the variety on the menu) especially the North Vancouver one.  Most Canadian craft beer sucks or is just way behind where the west coast of the US is.

    • For some reason we love the India Pale Ales. Me too.

      I like Earls too, but didn’t eat there when I was last in Vancouver. We don’t have anything similar in Ontario… anymore. It’s either gimmicky family restaurants or fast food joints.

  9. 1. I am dissapoint, that somany of y’all don’t like a good Poutine!!!

     

    Doesn’t *everyone* eat it with silverware, like the gravy gods intended?!?

    The flavors *together* are amaaaazing, and a total symphony in your mouth!🤤🥰🤗💖

     

    2. Hawaiian *BBQ* pizza is even better than regular Hawaiian pizza😍

    Haven’t had 3-7 in any of my memory…

    8. Nanaimo Bars–YES PLEASE!! See also; 7-Layer Bars!

    9. I did not know that “Those Baby-Pecan-Pie-Thingys” had another name!

    10. All chips, except Kettle Chips are GOOD CHIPS!!! (Kettle Chips rip one’s mouth up more than Cap’n Crunch!)

    11. *WTF* sort of abomination is this?!?… sounds like someone got lost *somewhere* between scrapple and grits!…. side-eye, for ALL of you! (Althoughit probably DOES taste good–but as an American, good old-fashioned, *thick-cut,* hardwood smoked, pork belly, is the *proper* cut of bacon😉💖)

    12. This is because the Cadbury Caramel Eggs are the *proper* choice!

    13. I’ve found Ramps–those are tasty, too! But haven’t had the time or energy to go wandering/foraging the last few years, to try & find them *or* fiddleheads, though…

    those and Morels are *definitely* on my “I WANT to find them, someday!” list!😉

    14. Your Smarties are an abomination to their name, with *TERRIBLE* chocolate (so BITTER!😖😱) compared to M&M’s, and FAR inferior to the little, sour/sweet, fruity-pressed-sugar disks which construe *American*Smarties (one of my favorite camdies, when I was little!)…

    Also, 15. MAPLE CANDY is the *BEST* candy–because it’s Maple Syrup in *chewable* form!!!😁😁😁

    Far superior to ANY other form of sugar–even though Demarara and Turbinado sugar *are* tasty sugars!😉

    (Edited because typos *and* strange auto-correct misspellings!)

    • Yessssssss and yummmmm to all that (except for the “Canadian” bacon and Cadbury eggs).

      Poutine is amazing and I’m game for the wild varieties that have sprung up all over North America (when done right).

      Hawaiian pizza with Mama Lil’s Peppers or pickled hot banana peppers is perfection.

      I’ve never heard of Nanaimo or butter tarts before the FYCE post.

      Obviously Montreal bagels and smoked meat are better than what you find in NYC but not by a large margin. All of that is a billion times better than what we have on the West Coast.

      Canadian Smarties are better than M&Ms. I used to enjoy cracking them in half before eating them. American Smarties are what Canadians call Rockets. They are my favorite candy.

      Canada even has salt and vinegar Ruffles!!! We win. I like ketchup chips and dill and all dressed too.

      • I have mentioned before that I have never been to the Pacific NW, but I know people who have moved there, and they gripe about the absence of some kinds of tasty foods, but rave about others, so it’s a wash.

        I was once at a wedding (oh no, here we go) where my native New Yorker best friend was living in LA and getting married to a Californian. Lots of people in the wedding party on her side were from New York, so aside from the rehearsal dinner, there was this other dinner at a pizza restaurant that was extremely hot that we went to. Rave reviews. She managed to snag reservations. We obnoxious New Yorkers settled in and ordered some of the traditional favorites, and when the pies arrived at our large table some of us looked at them like…

        Then it came time to do the sharing, so one slice of that and one slice of that, and…it was abominable. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS. California in general has some of the best, freshest, you know, other people with Italian backgrounds must move to the metro LA region, which must number something like 20 million at this point.

        The one thing that LA excels at is very retro mid-century chophouses and diners and Italian restaurants and they’re not being ironic, their position is, “We’ve always done this, so what’s the problem?” They also have, within the city limits and certainly the county limits, seemingly every fast-food outlet known to man. And the food trucks, but some of those are illegal and sketchy. But I’ve eaten from them, you kind of can’t avoid them, and they’ve been great.

        • Unrelated, and *not* Italian, but your mention of “food trucks” reminded me…

          It needs to be said, that *had more people voted for The Email Lady,* we could’ve had those “Taco Trucks on Every Corner!* and not just a few, scattered around select cities…

           

           

          We managed to get one on *our* corner, juuuust before the pandemic!

          But that is the *only* one which is within walking distance of anywhere i live/work throughout the day😕🥺😫

          The Email Lady was better in SO many ways!

        • We have an app for that!  Come visit. You would love it here especially this time of year.  I would personally feel it to be a honor to show you around or at least give you a foodie roadmap to our slice of paradise.

          • I would love to. I would actually love to host a Deadsplinter reunion. But the problems are two. First of all, I’d have to to explain you all to Better Half. That’s been an ongoing concern ever since I started posting on Gawker 15 years ago or whatever. He doesn’t know about my secret, second life.

            Second, my physical situation has been studied more than The Elephant Man, but all the tests come back negative/fine, “No, your [whatever tests] are fine, so–” and then whatever, round and round we go. I can just imagine if I were on Medicare/Medicaid. “You’re fine. Go home. Don’t call us again.”

  10. …all due respect to the wisdom in this thread…but…formative years & all that

    smarties > m&ms

    …&…the caramel ones are arguably more appealing to the superior palate…but…well…no stranger to the creme egg over here…so it’s possible my sweet tooth credentials may top out the field

    …true story…once when stuck in gridlock on what the UK insist is called a motorway…presumably because when the traffic is bad calling it a freeway seems like taking the piss…my aunt once bet me I couldn’t eat a six-pack of those things (…they used to come in a little faux-egg-carton like real ones…but now they don’t sit in cups because the pack is a lie & there are only 5…it’s probably that woke stuff’s fault…but I digress)

    …I was barely into double-digits of age at the time…did not consider she might have been joking…& did exactly that

    …I’m told the (…thankfully unwarranted) concern that I might subsequently decorate the car with them took her mind right off the traffic for the remainder of the journey?

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