A Lazy Pre-teen Breakfast

When I was a kid, I loved scrambled eggs. I also liked to experiment with them by adding spices from my mom’s rack, with no knowledge of what spices went well together, which spices I’d like, or often times, what the spices even were.

Every Sunday, when I was in grade 8, two full hours of The Three Stooges would be on at 11am. I had to be ready to record them on the VCR and be there to pause during the commercials (this is a whole other story), but I liked to sleep in, was very lazy, and extremely impatient. I’d stumble into the kitchen at about 10:45, throw six eggs in a bowl and grab some different spices to toss in and by 11, I’d be eating sometimes good, sometimes godawful eggs and recording The Three Stooges.

Eventually, around the 7th or 8th week of the NFL season (which ended at Candlestick park when Mark Rypien and Earnest Byner fumbled a hand-off to basically end the playoff game and my favourite team has FUCKING SUCKED ever since…anyway…), I had what I’d still argue to this day was the best scrambled eggs recipe ever created.

My palate has moved on to a more vegan friendly diet, but I still make the same recipe using extra firm tofu in lieu of eggs and I’ve never actually measured the ingredients before now, but the following should be close enough.

Crumbled brick of extra firm tofu or 6 eggs

Egg/tofu mix:

  • Crumble 1 brick of extra firm tofu or whisk 6 eggs
  • Add 1 tablespoon turmeric
  • Add 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
  • Add 1/4 teaspoon ground coriander
  • Add 1 teaspoon paprika
  • Add 1 tablespoon oregano
  • Grind some sort of amount of pepper

For tofu, you need quite a bit of olive oil as it absorbs quickly:

  • Put oil in a pan set to medium heat
  • Add chopped onions (optional – not lazy enough?)
  • When the onions are soft (roughly 1 minute), add chopped garlic (optional – not lazy enough?) for another 30 seconds to a minute
  • Add eggs/tofu mix and fry with medium heat until finished/texture to your liking
  • Add 1 tablespoon of mustard (yes, the condiment-trust me on this)
  • Add 1/2 teaspoon of maple syrup
  • Salt to taste
It should look something like this

And there you have it!

A very lazy breakfast

This is also great for lunch:

  • Crumbled tofu/scrambled eggs
  • Hummus spread
  • Sliced tomato
  • Avocado
  • Spinach
  • Salt and pepper

Slap that shit on a sandwhich! The Three Stooges are over and football is starting.

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About myopicprophet 137 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.

28 Comments

  1. Eggs were one of the first things I learned to cook too. When I was in HS my best friend’s father was a lobbyist and spent a lot of time in DC. His mom went too and left my friend and his younger sister home alone . We threw big parties And in the middle of the night I’d cook eggs for whoever was left hanging around.
    I like scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and chives. I prefer fried eggs or omelettes. For omelettes I like to sauté mushrooms and shallots in a little butter and shave some fresh Parmesan on top.

    • Lately, I’ve taken to making omelettes with goat cheese and the preserved roasted red peppers from last year’s harvest. Mmm, mmm.

      My primary go-to however is the breakfast burrito: eggs, fried potatoes, onions, green chiles, tomatoes, and cheese. Wrapped in a tortilla, and smothered in either red or green chile. Heaven.

      • We have a chive plant that’s been around for over 10 years. It’s in a pot on the upper deck. We don’t do anything to it except snip it to cook with.

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