Air Fryers Are Bullshit

Look, I get it. You’re on a health kick, but it’s the kind of health kick that you don’t really want to commit to. And I don’t blame you! Eating healthy sucks! No one likes green stuff! The only person who likes green stuff would be the kind of herb that would get rid of entire blog’s writers and userbase for wonderfully vague “business reasons”.

So I get the allure of an air fryer, a magical device that SELLS YOU LIES generously informs you that you can now enjoy all the foods you like with none of the oil that makes that food taste good.


Listen; none of that food is fried. All that food is fucking baked.

Every air fryer is just a convection oven. Your stove or toaster oven might have a convection setting. You don’t need a giant, ugly, black appliance to bake some shit.

You want fried chicken? Here’s what you do.

1.) Forget about being fucking healthy and just fry that shit.

Air fryers are yet another in a long line of appliances that don’t actually solve a problem, bit rather create a problem. They come into you kitchen, take up unnecessary space, and say “this is the way shit should be done”! Air frying will never be the same as actually frying, because the act of actually frying something takes time and care and is a craft. No amount of air fryers can make up for a good cast iron pan and peanut oil, and anyone trying to sell you on a vision of fried chicken without those ingredients is probably an Herb.

In short; air fryers are bullshit. Don’t settle for less than the real thing.

About KC Complains A Lot 135 Articles
KC Complains A Lot is another refugee from Deadspin. He enjoys writing and not caving to pressure from herbs.


  1. Thank you. This is the laser-focused-on-sports content I come to Deadsplinter for.

  2. Got an airfryer as a wedding present, sold it in a garage sale.

    And where are the sports articles?

  3. Counterpoint, my air fryer makes awesome roast shishito peppers in about 30 seconds.

    • 30 seconds??
      I make awesome ones in about 10mins a lightly smoking cast iron.
      How many Kw’s is that air fryer pulling?

      • All of them.

        30 seconds might be a bit of exaggeration. But not that much, and it has a rotisserie that really does wonders for roasting veggies.

  4. Air Fryers
    Air fryers make everything taste dry as fk
    Like yesterday my mom fried nuggets and wantons w it and it tasted FkING terokkk
    Air fryers are a fkin scam

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