Or Maybe April-ish Fools
I’m filling in for RIP so don’t be surprised by the format change. At least I think I am. If I’m doubling up, well, deal with it. I’M NOT WRONG, YOU ARE!
I also admit to being too lazy to come up with April First Only content for yesterday’s fish and chips paper, and I’m extending the window into March. So sue me!
Anyway, I thought it would be funny to compare some past HAWT TAKES with current events. And also past events with current ones. Or something. ANYWAY.
Thomas Friedman, 2014: Self driving cars are the future!
2023- April Fools! Russian invasion of Ukraine grinds on despite Putin admitting the Russian economy suffering because of sanctions, projections for economic contraction range from 3.3% to 5.6%. Meanwhile, the Russian replacement for McDonalds after the company quit Russia stays in business despite losing roughly $150 million.
Thomas Friedman, 2003: “What they needed to see was American boys and girls going house to house from Basra to Baghdad and basically saying, which part of this sentence don’t you understand? You don’t think we care about our open society? Well, suck on this, okay? That, Charlie, was what this war was about. We could have hit Saudi Arabia. Could have hit Pakistan. We hit Iraq because we could. That’s the real truth.”
2023: April Fools! Senate votes to repeal authorization for Iraq invasion. “This effort has been years in the making,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “The American people are tired of endless wars in the Middle East.”
OK, let’s see what that toady Thomas Friedman has to say. Probably something about decentralized technology bridging gaps between Netanyahu and….
“For the first time, the leader of Israel is an irrational actor, a danger not only to Israelis but also to important American interests and values…. one thing is clear already: Netanyahu has become the definition of an irrational actor in international relations — someone whose behavior we can no longer predict and whose words President Biden should not trust…. That Netanyahu and his son would turn on America with the same pathetic cynicism as Iran is shameful — and crazy. Neither man should be allowed into America until they apologize….”
OK, Friedman, I’ll give you a pass. No April Fool for this. But I’m watching you. You’d better not be talking about that transformative power of AI blockchain Moore’s law mumbo jumbo tomorrow!
2021: New York Times management lets union contract expire, proposes new wages that fall far behind inflation
2023: Right wing starts wringing hands over Biden’s decision not to attend coronation of King Charles. (No links. I respect you all too much to link to that stuff)
Every year from 1789-2023: April Fools! (George VI was coronated not long after Lindbergh’s flight, QE2 was the only other coronation in the jet age in 1956. Of course there’s no precedent.)
2022: Nestor Cortes proposes to his girlfriend right after appearing in the All Star game in Dodger Stadium
2023: April Fools! Marriage Proposal by Dodgers Fan Ends With Tackle in the Outfield
2022: NY Times: How to Shop For a Hot Tub
1977: Steely Dan sings They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, call me Deacon Blues
Enjoy your day of rest. Things are going to be weird.