Doplic: a Pennsylvania Dutch adjective meaning clumsy, unbalanced, and uncoordinated.
I am not a graceful person. Instead, I am that person who spills, misses, bumps, drops, trips, falls, and usually sports a random mystery bruise. Yes, doors, floors, and walls really do jump out and hit me.
I blame my lack of dexterity on vision problems (prescription-wise, I’m -5.25 in one eye and -6.5 in the other), plus astigmatism and limited depth perception. But, you know, I could just be doplic.
Case in point: the other night I caught the very tip of my toe on the upstairs dog-corralling gate, fell over it, and and landed, hard, on one knee on the vinyl plank flooring. Yup – my prize for not sticking the landing was a wrenched back, twisted wrist and ankle, and swollen, tender knee. It would have made an excellent slapstick bloopers reel contribution.
Are you graceful or are you doplic? Are you an athlete or a spectator? Do you move like a dancer, or do you wish you had the moves? Please share with us all your best wipe-out, greatest feat of athletic prowess, or general level of grace or doplicness.
Ouch, Ellicoo! That sounds like that hurt. I’m definitely doplic. I’ve fallen so many times in my life it would be hard to remember one major spill. I’m really bad about cutting corners short and catching an arm or hip on a door jam.
@Lymond, I hear that! I have, on occasion, looked like someone hit me…nope, I do it to myself.
It’s the second most aggravating thing about getting older, behind having to take reading glasses everywhere I fucking go.
And lately I feel like I have to have three hands to accomplish the simplest task.
@LemmyKilmister, are you still using drugstore readers, or have you upgraded to real prescription eyeglasses?
Eye doctor said that was all I needed. It just sucks when you can’t read any labels at the store. I always had better than 20/20 vision when I was younger.
Me too. I didn’t have my first eye exam until I was in my early 40’s. Mrs. Butcher, who was wearing glasses at 16, accompanied me. When the doctor was done and said I still had 20/20, she was visibly unhappy about it. “Really?! Are you kidding me?! Not fair!”
Of course, only a few short years later I had to start getting cheaters and there was much rejoicing in our house.
@LemmyKilmister
I have mine in every room in the house. A bunch in the car and various coats. Ellie also has a spare in her purse. I have been known to ask strangers to read labels for me at the store when I forget them. Pre-Covid of course.
@LemmyKilmister I order them by the dozen for him. Because if not hidden away, they are the chiweenie chew toy of choice. They have jumped from the sofa to a chair, walked over a table, onto a second chair, and up onto the computer desk to get a pair. Obviously the diggie boys are not doplic.
I had 5-6 pairs and broke a lot of them over the Spring and Summer. Can’t seem to find a decent bulk-ish deal on ones that I can use lately. I bought a few from the dollar store but the paint started flaking off all over my face after awhile.
The dog-corralling gate is a death trap. I have smacked my toes on that thing so many times. Unfortunately it is the best we could come up with. Also the four dogs are moving death traps. They are always underfoot.
My corgi had a habit of standing up when you stepped over her. I broke a toe trying not to fall on her once, another time fell down the stairs. Small dogs are hazardous!
@Hannibal, right you are. Like you, my first instinct is to save the dog.
We refer to them as the furry moving obstacle course in our house.
I am generally not doplic except when it comes to our current dog, who is a midnight black Lab with a just a hint of white on his paws and at the tip of his tail. While The Better Half is the alpha dog in this pack he sticks with me, probably because he thinks I’m on his level in the pack but I can somehow communicate with the alpha and whatever I do must be what the alpha wants.
This is actually very endearing except at night. I often have to get up and pee (old man problems) and I don’t put on my glasses. We have a bathroom right in the bedroom, because we lead incredibly luxurious lives, so I only have a few footsteps to go. The loyal hound, though, does not confine himself to his bed, which is on my side of the bed, and sometimes he cozies up to the side of the bed, or likes to hang out in front of the bathroom door. So it’s pitch black, I don’t have my glasses on…Luckily, he’s huge, 115 pounds, and I think even if I fell on him he’d emerge unscathed. However, I have never fallen on him, and have performed some pretty impressive interpretive dance moves once I make foot-canine contact. No falls yet but many a close call.
@Cousin Matthew’s Tingling Leg, I also do the four-dog shuffle, especially when they are all helping me cook…underfoot…awaiting droppings.
The Loyal Hound is very patient and maintains social distancing when I cook. We’ve had him for seven years and we got him at four months so he knows the drill. On Sunday I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. He watched all this in great anticipation. When we were ready to eat I scooped out a couple of meatballs and a couple of slices of parmesan I had been shaving and put this in his bowl along with his kibble and mixed it in. Probably not the healthiest thing, but I served us first and then put the food bowl down and we all ate together. We do this almost every night.
I should apologize for conking out on you last night and missed NOT live but I’ve developed this weird sleeping pattern where I’m up at 2 or 3 in the morning and in bed by 7 or 8. I made grilled roast beef and Swiss cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread with a little mustard and horseradish. The roast beef and cheese were deli so I made a little pinwheel (damn, I forgot to even mention pinwheels in the holiday food post!) for him, just a slice of roast beef on top of a slice of Swiss cheese, rolled it up, sliced it into 1-inch sections, and mixed that in with his kibble.
The Loyal Hound is a Very Good Boy.
Sounds like you are also a Very Good Food Person.
I have a huge black cat and a smaller dark-tortiseshell cat. The bedroom and my library have dark blue carpeting (not my choice… came with the house), and not very good lighting. I could not tell you how many times I have stepped on a paw or a tail, even in the daytime! And, of course, I don’t want to hurt the beastie when that happens, so I try to yank my foot up/leap back when it happens. The cat is generally fine… me, not so much.
Keitel didn’t mention the time he said “watch out for the rise on that paver” just as I tripped on it and managed to hit my forehead on the only decorative rock in the back yard. I knew is wasn’t good when his next question was “ambulance or car?” Eight stitches and a concussion later I have lovely scar as proof of doplic.
Awkwardly graceful aka I look terrible doing it, but I get it done.
My eyes are shit too and I’ve also got astigmatism in one eye, but I learned to compensate over the years (I blame that on playing too many flight sims over the years) which allowed me to mentally adjust for lead/shitty eyes which is why I rarely bump into things even in the dark.
My very tall friend who was born to an Olympic gold medalist and his gymnast wife is totally doplic. Smart as hell, but has the kinetic sense of a rock. I think it is a bit of a sore spot between him and his parents (especially considering the pedigree.)
@ManchuCandidate, I like that line, “kinetic sense of a rock”! Yes, exactly.
I am a contradiction. In spite of being as fat, unathletic and completely incapable of dancing as I am, I am oddly light on my feet and well coordinated. I chalk it up to all those years in the restaurant business where being clumsy could get you killed.
Mrs. Butcher got tired of tripping over our dog gate, so a couple of years ago we bought one of those gates that swings open. Best purchase we ever made.
@ButcherBakerToiletryMaker, that isn’t a bad idea at all. We’d need two, and as long as they come in old house oddly-size door versions, your suggestion might save a life.
We use baby gates that swing open for our dogs.
That was supposed to be an Amazon link to:
Evenflo, Top of Stairs, Extra Tall Gate, Tan Wood
@LemmyKilmister, thank you!
I was just gonna suggest the baby-gate option!😉😁💖
My roommate who was owned by two dachshunds had one at the top of her split-level, to keep the boys from harassing the cats & keep them out of the basement, and it was GREAT!
They DID figure out that they could nose it up, and open it… buuuut after I made a strap to go around the newel post, out of some 2″ wide nylon webbing, with 2″ velcro sewn to the front & back,** as long as we had it velcroed, they couldn’t get it open.
**the strap was somewhere between 18″-24″ long, soft velcro was on one side, & hard on the other.
We wrapped it around the newel post, so it stayed attached to itself, then just slipped the loose end through the baby gate, and slapped it back on the part which was wrapped around the post.
It worked GREAT, because even if you got lazy & forgot to attach the WHOLE end strip, there was at minimum a 2″×2″ chunk which would catch, and hold tightly enough that the boys couldn’t budge it.
This was where I got the idea from–the cable ties work great, but were too short to wrap around the newel post… when our then third-roommate ended up with extra webbing off a tool belt, I bought the velcro, and made a bigger version of the cable ties😉
Are you okay now?
I’m a total doplic. Growing up my family used to talk about Hannibal’s accident of the day. I broke my ankle walking to my car. I didn’t fall or even twist it. Just stepped too hard and snap! In our defense, I think we are busy doing so many things at one time that we can’t keep up with ourselves.
@Hannibal, I am, thank you. We, the doplic, learn to shake it off early, eh? Although you may win some level of prize for the ankle…
…I’m not generally too bad in the coordination stakes…but I do love a good word-for-that so let’s see
…many moons ago when I were a wee bairn I was on a beach somewhere on the west coast of scotland & decided to run into the water…I was able to swim at this point so it seemed like a good idea…except nobody had told me that not all beaches slope gently into the water
…turns out this one shelved pretty sharply only a few feet out at whatever point the tide was rather than holding the gradient I’d just run down so I managed to face plant spectacularly & drive seawater up my nose & down my throat…I was…not happy about it
…my family thought it was possibly the funniest thing they’d ever seen
…also, though it may not be a direct translation, I thing the scots for droplic is what they call shoogly…& saying something’s hanging from a shoogly peg is like saying it’s on thin ice
@SplinterRIP shoogly is an excellent word, as is the phrase. I may know people who are hanging on the shoogly peg…
My weird condition? I refer to myself as the accidental ninja. I am completely silent and stealthy as long as I don’t think about it. If I’m focused on something else, I am a shadow. I have scared the crap out of more people than I can possibly tell you. I’ve caught others in embarrassing situations, way more than I’m comfortable with. The problem is, since I’m not trying to do it, when somebody sees me and jumps and yells, it scares me too. It’s even more surprising to them because I’m not particularly dainty — I’m six feet and 200 lbs. When I magically appear next to people, of course they’re startled.
Now if I’m trying to be quiet, you’ll hear me coming a mile away. Stomping, tripping, coughing, breathing, I could never catch anyone by surprise. It only works when I don’t think about it at all. But when it’s on, it’s freakish — if I’m looking at my phone and interested in what I’m reading I can walk through six inches of fallen leaves without making a sound. I’m like Kwai Chang Kane on the rice paper (Note: reference too old for Meg to appreciate.)
I partially inherited it from my father — he was utterly silent when he moved, and never made a sound when walking. And for him it worked all the time. It was so common that it actually didn’t startle us kids when he would just appear. We got used to it. And he was even taller than me, so this looming figure would just appear out of nowhere. He was a schoolteacher — I pity his students. Must have been terrifying.
I’ve told that I am almost silent like a cat except when running when I turn into a stomping clomping machine (still fast, just clunky.)
I’ve told by coworkers that I should have a bell around my neck as I’ve scared the shit out of them a few times. Once I stopped by an isolated office and poked my head in to say hello. I watched my coworker leap out of her chair screaming as she didn’t realize I was behind her.
@ManchuCandidate, oohhh not good. Poor lady!
I’ve done this so many times. I’ve walked up on people looking at porn, canoodling with people that they shouldn’t be, shoplifting in stores, all kinds of stuff. I would cough or something but it only happens when I’m not trying, so I’m not thinking about “warning” them. I once walked up to the desk of a very attractive co-worker who was looking at a “how-to” article on a certain … act. It literally shut off my brain. I stammered incoherently for a second and then just turned and bolted away. We never spoke of it.
I love that your stealth scares you too, @Bryanlsplinter. That is just great.
…I totally got the rice paper reference…not sure I ever reach that level of stealth but I am familiar with the say-hello-&-nearly-cause-a-heart-attack problem…never really thought about the lack of intention playing a part in it but now that you mention it it sounds eerily familiar?
I’ve been using the rice paper reference for decades. I also have the ability to be so silent as to scare the hell out of people, but I do have the ability to control it, so I can turn the stealth on and off at will, depending on whether I’m around people who are easily startled.
Have you ever seen the show “The Windsors”? It’s a very funny, over-the-top parody of the British Royal Family. They gave Princess Anne this ability. Two people will be talking, suddenly they’ll feel a chill, and Anne will be standing right next to them.
I like to think of myself as pretty athletic but won’t accept that age has caught up to me. I already told my best volleyball injury, ripping the tendon off my big toe. I have had lots of other fun volleyball injuries but that was the worst. Being a surfer, I have almost drowned at least 100x on the northshore of Oahu & French Polynesia & being a surf photographer for awhile, I have almost drowned another 100x’s. When I finally realized I was not going to make a living doing either of those things I started snowboarding. That opened up a whole new world of injuries but my all time best was being impaled by a tree in the ass at Whistler BC. I wasn’t even riding crazy or chasing pro snowboarders like I have in the past but just came to a stop and sat down on a sharp buried branch. If not for Kevlar snowpants, I probably would have died but I spent several days in a Squamish hospital finding out that Canadian healthcare is amazing. I had a several inch rip very near my asshole that could have ended much worst. That tale has much more to it but that is all I have time for right now. It beats my snowmobile injury by a mile but that is a fun one too for another time.
@Loveshaq, whoa…very glad that you are still with us!
I took ballet classes all through childhood and I was uncoordinated as fuck.
I never got more graceful, but I did get good about falling in dance class without hurting myself.
So now, decades after stopping dance class, I’m still pretty good at wiping out without hurting myself badly. I still get weird bruises etc but not damaged knees or ankles.
@Brightersideoflife, a ballet – a life long skill!
I am a total accident prone klutz. Daily I hit my hip on table corners, slam my hand into door frames, drop my phone to the ground, and trip on my own feet while walking. All the damn time.
As for the most embarrassing fail, take your pick. But one that comes to mind is from when I was teen-I ended up missing a concrete step (there were only 3) from the front porch down to the carport and falling (flying?) face first onto the parked car. Slamming my chin, shoulder and body against the hood, busting my knee of the grill and then the concrete as I fell. I had no real issues from this ridiculous accident besides a sprained wrist, scuffed knees and hands, and supreme pulled muscle soreness for three days. And a very bruised ego.
TLDR; I managed to get myself hit by a parked car.
@CestLaVie, surely we are related?
Yes. I think we might be, @Elliecoo 😂
Oh yeah I also has astigmatism and shit vision so maybe this is why we are all so accident prone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
CHA is my dump stat, but DEX is a close second.
my WIS isn’t too great either…
STR and INT aren’t too bad, and I think I’ve got pretty good CON (good thing, I need all the bonus HP to absorb all the damage from poor judgement and reflexes…)
No terribly interesting stories come to mind, but I can’t wear a watch on my wrist, cause I’ll break it or tear it off. I’ve broken door moulding by bumping into door frames (granted, they were probably pretty shoddily constructed…)
As to my sub-par WIS score, I’ve stuck my finger into visibly boiling water to see if it was hot (more than once…), and I frequently find my self repeatedly trying to wash a mark off of my arm before I realize it’s from a mild burn, and not dirt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyways, if any of you are ever considering trying a martial art, I strongly recommend giving something like Jujitsu, Judo, Aikido, or similar arts that have a focus on throws a try. Because the first thing they do is teach you how to fall safely, and that’s a skill that can literally save your life, and it sticks with you long after you stop practicing. Hopefully you would never be in a situation where you have to fight another person, but everyone falls, and it’s good to be able to do it in a way that minimizes injury.
@lochaber, learning to fall is a very good idea.
My daughter took martial arts for years – Karate, Aikido, and Iaido. A couple of years ago she was rock climbing and had a fall when some rocks shifted under her. She credits her training for keeping her from being seriously hurt even though she hasn’t practiced in a long time.
Yep, learn to fall/roll. I did this as an adult through hapkido, and it definitely helped with balance, reaction, and minimizing damage from the ground.
i must be doplic…im pretty much held together by the cuts scrapes and bruises..im constantly walking into things and people and knocking shit over (worst one being tripping whilst taking the bin out and ending up with a torn muscle in my shoulder and 2 months sick leave..)
wierdly enough all that doplicity goes right out the window soon as you put me on wheels…bikes, cars, forklifts…im in my element there
@farscythe, I am sure that the things walk into us – they walls are out to get us!
its doors what have it in for me
and coffee tables….of the low shin destroyer variety
My favourite trick is to bash my arm or hip into doorknobs… they jump out at me, I swear! And I haven’t had a coffee table in years for the same reason.
I am either terribly graceful and catlike… or a damn klutz who can’t get out of my own way. I was incredibly doplic as a kid. Always covered in bruises and scrapes, twisted ankles, knees, and wrists regularly. I was an ace with crutches by 6th grade, which was good, because I spent several months using them after cracking my shin. My parents put me in ballet and gymnastics classes to try to train me out of it… which partially worked.
My prizewinning moment was probably in high school when I had knee surgery after tripping over the cat.
Either that or when I tore a muscle in my back by lifting a laundry basket about 15 years back.
Or when I dislocated my sacroiliac joint by using the hip adductor machine at the gym a few years ago.
Other than the big stuff, I’m actually quite graceful, I promise!
@HoneySmacks, I’d love to be graceful, even if only on occasion.
I mostly manage to walk without tripping over my own feet these days, but when I don’t, man, I really don’t.
I’ve always had lax joints, which definitely contributes to my gracelessness, and have dislocated several bits of me… most recently, the partial dislocation of my hip when I was trying to get into bed a few weeks ago. I’m on my way to the chiropractor now, actually, so she can patch me back together for a few more days!
“I’ve always had lax joints”
Hey @HoneySmacks, just a rando question… and I don’t mean it in a bad way, but have you ever been checked for Ehlers-Danlos?
Just curious, because with the kiddos being on the Spectrum, and the likelihood (even if YOU don’t have it!😉💖), of ASD’s and the like having *some* sort of genetic-related basis, AND the overlap in EDS and Autism for some reason,** there might be a reason you dislocate so easily…
(Full disclosure, I’m starting to wonder a bit, if my OWN issues with “overly flexible” joints might not be because of collagen-related stuff***!)
But it MIGHT be something to look into, if you haven’t already… not that it’s a great dx to have… but if it were one of the varieties of EDS, there can be OTHER things to be on the lookout for, which could be important💖
**some links, which imo are kiiiiinda fascinating!😉;
https://www.autism.org/researchers-have-identified-a-relationship-between-ehlers-danlos-syndrome-and-autism/
https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/viewpoint/what-ehlers-danlos-syndrome-can-teach-us-about-autism/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6292952/
***I scar like HELL, and always have… not full-out Keloids, more Hypertrophic–VERY raised & red/purpley… (it took until my pancreas surgery, before I realized how abnormal my scarring is!).
A neighbor had a hysterectomy about a month after my surgery, and three months later, was complaining about how “red & ugly” her scar was…. hers was SO much less angry looking than mine was–no raised parts, it was pink, but NOT the angry red/purple mine was…. and that was the moment I realized I DON’T scar like most people (my surgery was in 2014, and the scar only finally started the changeover to pink & silvery, from red/purple in the last couple years!)…
Between the scarring issues I’ve ALWAYS had, and the number of times I’ve rolled ankles, & hyperextended things (going to tape up my wrist before I head to work TODAY, fwiw, because I evidently twisted it too often/lifted too many cans & bottles at work, without thinking of how i was holding it, and now it’s popping like crazy🙃), I’m going to be asking about a possibility of it *myself,* when I have my ortho visit later this month (I went in a couple months ago, to see if my wrist pain was carpal tunnel, since both my parents had issues & surgery in THEIR 40’s… that was evidently 100% NOT what’s going on, so I’ve been referred to the Ortho folks, to figure out what’s going on…. I’ve ALWAYS been “bendy,” even when I haven’t been stretching much, so I’m going to ask if it’s a possibility.
I suspect my daughter has Ehlers- Danlos. She’s ADHD which her doctor thinks will be considered part of the spectrum eventually. She is insanely double jointed and her skin is dry to the point of cracking. She has scarring issues too. She was going to try to see a geneticist then the pandemic hit so she hasn’t even been looking for one.
Ehlers-Danlos has been mentioned by one doctor, but, while I do have the crazy-flexible joints and tendons (how many overweight 40 year olds can bend at the waist, knees straight, and put their hands flat on the floor? I can!), I don’t have any of the skin components. Although, I didn’t realize that scarring dramatically was part of it (I have some pretty good ones from minor stuff, but, weirdly, my c-section scar is basically invisible).
I didn’t know that Ehlers-Danlos was related to autism spectrum disorders, either, but that’s interesting, because KS3, who is on the spectrum, is as hyper-flexible as I am. So is BabySmacks, but he’s not on the spectrum. Definitely going to read those links. Thanks!
Definitely Doolin here… but also *sometimes,* strangely graceful at it?😉
My older cousin was the starting Center on our High School’s basketball team, and I did stats for the team, so I learned *how* to fall safely, by watching him (when you’re 6’5″/6’6″, and your coaches don’t wanna lose their big men, you get TAUGHT how to relax & “roll into” your falls)….
He may have learned the trick VERY well🤣….
I mean, he was no Vlade–the KING of the Flop, buuuut the kid definitely knew how to…. get himself into the lane and plant, but then roll into a fall, to draw the Charge/offensive foul, rather than earn himself the “blocking” foul😉
And *i* learned how to go down when I tripped & fell (which was OFTEN!), better & more safely, by watching how HE did it…
Which meant considerably less damage, when I fell, than I’d previously been doing to every part of my body–from butt, to knees, to hands, elbows, & shoulders…
My BEST fall was when I was working at the Bryant Lake Bowl. I was working the Box Office–but at that tiny theater, it also meant setting up the stage with the tech director (who was also the stage hand & board operator!), getting the green room ready, AND setting up the tables & seats in the house.
The stage there is only 24″ high (thank goodness!), buuuuut one day, when I was setting up, and the cast were all out on the stage getting ready, I went to take a step back, to move out of the way….
And I forgot where I was in space…
I stepped back onto *nothing* and realized, in that split-second, what I’d done… I felt myself going backward, so I tucked into it, and just relaxed & rolled back, hoping I wouldn’t crack my skull too hard, on one of the seats of the chairs behind me…
I tucked well enough, that the front of the seat just scraped down my back, and I hit the ground low on my hips & rolled to my mid-back… hopped up COMPLETELY embarrassed–because I’d fallen in front of EVERYONE in the room, and was greeted to utter silence, then “OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OK?!?!?” and “Holy SHIT!”
Once I assured everyone I was fine, one of the guys started to laugh, and gave me one of the best compliments I’ve ever received–especially from an actor who’s taken fight training😉
He said it was one of the most graceful falls he’d EVER seen in his life, and he STILL couldn’t figure out how I’d manage to do it so well, without it having been choreographed😄😂🤣💖
I told him it was all because of my cousin the center, and learning how to not get hurt myself because I’d learned how to stay loose & relax *into* the fall, rather than stiffening up & trying to fight *against* the momentum😉
It’s STILL mortifying, but it was also a pretty great compliment🤣💖
*Doplic* not “doolin” (whatever THAT means, spellcheck!🙄)
*googles*
found doolin
looks nice tbh
i mean….its ireland..so that pic was prolly taken on one of three days it didnt rain there…but still :p