Are You Shitting Me?

13/3/20 myopicprophet 43

Seriously people.

Don’t believe yesterday’s news that Canada will not have a shortage of toilet paper because now that the Prime Minister is under quarantine, pretty much all of Canada is out of toilet paper thanks to the selfish assholes who are panic purchasing and hoarding shit tickets.

Someone (who sent me a picture from outside the Costco in my hometown to show me the huge lineup to get into Costco -that’s right, a line up…to…get…into…fucking…Costco…for…shit…tickets) is bringing me boxes of Kleenex tissues tomorrow because there is no fucking toilet paper anywhere.

I’m not going to get into the psychology behind how insanely irrational this is and the fear is contagious thing when all this started with a warning to stock up a bit on non-perishable food, toiletries, and prescriptions and one person thought “OMG I NEED TO HOARD TOILET PAPER” and then a few people saw that person and went “OMG WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE DOING WHAT THAT PERSON IS DOING!” and now an entire country’s main concern is coming up with creative ways to wipe their ass because selfish idiots are hoarding all the fucking shit tickets.

So I am just here to remind these people that they’re going to need FOOD in order to wipe their selfish asses with my fucking shit tickets!

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About myopicprophet 126 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.

43 Comments

  1. The story is the same here, in Florida. It is, of course, a lot of middle class and upper middle class people who were able to buy up the store of toilet paper and sanitizer. You see this kind of hoarding before hurricanes, too, but this time it’s just…man!

    This next bit is me just complaining, please feel free to ignore!

    I usually buy things in bulk for my household because of my own hoarder-ness as well as knowing full well I will always need toilet paper and food. My father, who I live with, absolutely chafes at having anything ahead of time and gets visibly annoyed when I make trips to my big box store and come back with meals and supplies.

    Instead, he’d much rather go to the store EVERY DAY and buy two items at a time. He’d much rather ignore my meal plan so he can eat the stupid salt-item he wanted to eat instead. He’s a 64 year old toddler who has never been rich enough to live like this.

    So this last month I decided not to make my monthly trip to the bulk store because I was fed up and what do you know! We only have six rolls of toilet paper left and there’s none to be found anywhere.

    So I ended up spiting myself by trying to make a stand and now we’re going to be up shit creek real soon.

    • This next bit is me just complaining, please feel free to ignore!

      This entire post is me just complaining.

      I understand you’re situation in a hurricane area and it is important to not fall short in case of emergencies. That would be the smarter thing to do, if you can afford to, I would guess. But there is not a logical reason to panic purchase and hoard toilet paper in southern Ontario right now (or in Regina, Saskatchewan). There is no justification for it.

      I guess this comment is just me complaining all over again. I thought the post got it out of my system, but NOPE.

      • No one stocks up on TP during a hurricane, really, but everyone is freaking out and for some reason I’m not about to research it’s about toilet paper.

        I feel like a lot of people are just…bad under pressure. I’m not going to claim to be great because I’m ANXIETY at all times but it’s the people who face the least amount of pressure in their daily lives that have begun this hoarding. It’s people who don’t have death looming next to them or their loved ones everyday that are the least emotionally resilient/emotionally scarred that don’t know how to handle this.

        So they go to the store and use their cash to buy things and that makes them feel better.

    • I understand. I lived with 40+ year old toddler (former housemate) who made fun of my bulk buying of TP until he needed it then I made fun of him and his stupid “Just In Shitter Time” shopping.

      The guys I feel sort of bad for are the ones who bought paper towels. More bad for the plumbers who will have to unclog their toilets.

      • I wonder what it would take to adapt our entire plumbing system to withstand the things people flush. I’m sure there will be plenty of people who will resort to a number of things. This will probably lead to an increased use of “flushable” wipes which are a nightmare on a city’s entire plumbing ecosystem and be outlawed.

        I truly don’t know how people can habitually not plan ahead for their own life. If money and time isn’t an immediate obstacle, of course. I just don’t know how my dad, who grew up working class and has been through a number of financial hardships, can continue to live like the 30+ year old bachelor he was a lifetime ago. I understand how it could drive someone absolutely insane to have a partner who doesn’t cooperate in running the household, but wants to dismiss your own attempts to make order out of chaos. And that’s what happened to my mom.

    • I was hoping her explanation was going to be something like, “As a kid, we were poor, so we had to make do”

      But instead she’s grossed out by doo. I know it’s probably some kind of compulsive thing, but it feels like a lot more time/effort/exposure to wipe with a sock and throw them out and then go buy more socks. That’s a lot of socks to go through. And then to be in a relationship and having to snatch someone else’s socks, wash them, and hide the evidence.

      • Do you mean to wipe with? Or just for disposing of the evidence?
        ETA: I mean, if we’re talking about wiping with gloves I think the whole point is putting the sock over your hand and “cupping” the area and wiping. Your fingers don’t get the sensation of being around there and the sock material is soft.

        • For wiping, because according to the b.f., “my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands”

          That reads (at least to me) like she maaaay be a peculiar sort of germaphobe (one who feels like touching poo with her hands is gross, but that fabric can be bleached (I had a roommate who, while *not* a poo-sock user, WAS a “bleach EVERYTHING!”-er, and for that roommate, it WAS definitely an anxiety/OCD sort of combo.

    • Gotta love Reddit! I saw a story a couple of weeks ago on Am I An Asshole about roommates fighting over buying toilet paper. The one roommate refused to pay for it because she claimed she didn’t use it. When asked to explain she said she used her hand and then washed carefully afterwards. The roommate posting insisted this wasn’t true because the toilet paper kept disappearing. Imagine being so cheap you’d rather people believed you cleaned your ass with your hand after shitting rather than just chipping in on the Charmin!

  5. Just got the word from my employer: everyone who isn’t clinical is working from home for the next two weeks. I’m taking odds our VPN folds like a cheap suit on Monday morning.

    Mrs. Butcher has been doing a little panic buying. No matter how many times I tell her to cut it out, she just can’t help herself.

    • The pilot I was working on just shut down. We’re in Atlanta. They flew all of the actors in – even day players for a table read with the network today. We were just about to do a camera test for makeup/hair and wardrobe looks when they called a meeting and said that we were shut down. They said we might start back up in 2 months. Our first day of shooting was supposed to be Tuesday. Everybody started calling other shows to pick up work next week and most of them shut down today too. I know the studios were waiting for the state of emergency to be called so they could claim the insurance – but it sucks for a lot of people. I’m fine -but all of the PA’s and lower paid staff are going to be screwed. The coronavirus isn’t going to be the problem – poverty is.

  6. Ellie had her hair done yesterday and she asked me to pick up tp at the CVS next door. I asked her if she was serious and she said yes. I did it begrudgingly and bought some. I had the same feeling as when I was a teenager buying condoms. Looking around to make sure no one saw me. I went to the grocery store today and there was not a single roll in sight. When I got home and told her she made me say it out loud “You were right”. Our son called today and said it took four stores to find it. People are crazy.

  7. One of the smartest people I know, teaches internationally, just tweeted asking if anyone in her Virginia neighborhood could lend her a few rolls. She is potty training a toddler and underestimated the TP hysteria.

  8. I confess I bought a package of TP I didn’t need while I was at the store today. Because people were going nuts and I knew my daughter wouldn’t get to the store today. So I’m taking it to her place when I go Tuesday to feed her cat.

  9. My god with the hoarding!

    Well I was out this morning and it was a bloodbath but reports are this evening that the stores have TP again. Let me know if I need to ship you some. 🙂

    • The Dems and The Lincoln Project have ALLLLLLLLL they need for Campaign 2020, from 0:14-0:17 of that video😈😈😈
      Just queue up the “No. I don’t take responsibility at all…” and do a series of commercials/videos of things he’s fucked up.
      Then close the video with the quote clip, and a tagline, like “No matter WHAT goes wrong under Trump, he never takes responsibility. America needs a REAL leader.”

      • Also, DonnyDumbass was 100% right, when he said “we’re gonna be leaving an indelible print for the future, in case something like that happens again…”

        Thing *is*, that “indelible print,” is going to be of *What NOT to do,* rather than what Dolt45 is thinking–thst they’re doing *A heckuva good job!*

      • That’s people worried that civilization is going to break down and there will be power outages, etc. I haven’t seen news articles yet but I’m betting gun stores are making quite a profit right now too.

      • There could be that “scoiety breakdown” that Still in Hell mentioned, but I’d personally get bottled water in the event that I had a sick person in my home who needs to be quarantined in their own room.

      • Hannibal,my friend, they’re buying up all the damn powdered milk they can get their hands on, too🙄🙄🙄

        These folks are SERIOUSLY thinking society is going to stop.

        The social panic is at 100% contagion level, because folks won’t back off the facebook & messenger misinformation circles.

        It’s RIDICULOUS at the grocery stores right now. At my exurban store, we had thankshiving-eve-long lines, from the time I got to the store, until I left around 11 pm.
        After 10:00 on a *normal* fridaynight, we have the folks getting a handbasket of items,the folks who are just getting off work & grabbing a frozen pizza, and a few regulars who shop when the store is quiet.
        Last night?
        Customers from literally an hour away, FILLING the cart, with $300.00+ worth of canned, dried, & frozen goods.

        It was WILD.

        There was actually more of the pi-day sale items at the metro store I live across from, than there was at my exurban store🤣

        • “what in the world are they gonna do with the gum who knows…”

          OBVIOUSLY, you live in an area with *many* MacGyver fans, who KNOW that chewing gum, some rubber bands, a digital watch, a toothpick or two, and a couple paperclips are *all* anyone ever needs, in order to do MANY mechanical things!😉
          😆😂🤣

  13. My daughter went to the store this morning and said the produce section was wiped out. Only a few pieces of nearly rotten fruit left!
    I was talking to Maya on GT last night and I feel so bad for her. By the time she got her check there’s nothing left in the stores. I wish there was some way I could help her. But it’s not even money she needs, and even Amazon is out of a lot of stuff so I don’t think I can ship her the things she needs. I’ll keep checking in with her though. I might be able to send her something.

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