…begging your pardon [DOT 30/1/20]


…up front, I just want to say I’m sorry…mostly I’m sorry that in all likelihood none of this will matter in the sense of derailing that acquittal that they lined up before they fired the starting gun on the wild guilt chase we’re in the middle of

…but I’m also sorry because this is one of those “misery loves company” things…& god help each & every one of us it was a miserable shitshow of a defense…I’m not even sure we really ought to be calling it that…in many ways it wasn’t an actual defense in so far as it didn’t defend the defendant or counter the charges the idiot-in-chief is charged with defending himself against so much as go full-bore for the spoiled-whiny-bitch defense that argues he ought to be exempt from the consequences of his actions because he should be allowed to do whatever he likes no matter how utterly & entirely that might be predicated on subsuming the national interest in favor of his own personal self-enrichment at literally every turn & with every stale, rotten-fast-food-flavored breath he takes

…so here I go trying to ride the clown car rollercoaster from hell that is the collective illogic of the combined counsel of phages that is his all-star dipshit defensive line

…but before we get to that let’s just set the baseline for the kind of rational pronouncement the stable genius is currently by way of making


…that’s right ladies & gentlemen – if Trump hadn’t fired the mustache (the mustache says it wasn’t fired) then by now we would have had not one but three more world wars under our belt & already be engaged in a sixth…he single-handedly saved the world from twice as many world wars as there have ever been in less time than the shorter of the two took to brutally murder millions of souls…pretty keen, huh?

…leaving aside the bit where the first two took about a decade between them that still seems pretty sketchy even by the serially mendacious standards of the supreme obfuscator himself…most people still sort of agree that the “world” part of “world war” means countries from most parts of the world take part…& there’s really only one way that one doesn’t drag on for years more or less by definition which is to skip to the famous denouement of the sequel…


so when this shit is going on it’s good to know that he’s thinking in terms of the bulk discount version


…it’s not all bad news, of course…unless your initials are DJT & you radiate a permatan glow that alters the ambient light in your immediate vicinity like the universe’s shittiest aura


…so, where were we…oh, yeah…that “defense”


…& – because it is a thing of rare beauty that is frankly a delight to behold amidst all this unrelenting asshattery

twitter is a god-awful sinkhole of mind-numbing garbage, obviously…but the whole thread is worth the trip

…now someone had the bad grace & downright incivility to mention (while speaking in the Senate) that in the history of the republic there have been a grand total of 15 impeachment trials…& that in all 15 instances witness testimony formed a part of proceedings…& someone else asked Ken Starr what had happened since he made literally the opposite argument in favor of impeaching Bill Clinton for lying about getting inappropriate head to induce him to argue that the kind of gratification it has been established Dolt45 was pursuing is in fact unimpeachable…to which his response was “the current president was impeached”



…naturally Dolt45 pitched a predictable hissy fit & declared that the manuscript contains swathes of classified information & can’t be published unless he gets to delete the bits he doesn’t like behind the fig-leaf of “national security*” [* – where “national” means “personal” & “security” means “incrimination”] despite Bolton stating outright (if perhaps indirectly via his lawyer iirc) that even he couldn’t come up with a believable justification for any of it being classified…& whatever else he may or may not be beyond a sentient ambulatory mustache that wants to wage war upon Iran with every tattered fibre of the ragged remnants of his soul…he is much, much better at that shit that dipshit t. dotard 45th incumbent & eternally impeached holder of the least deserved presidency in the history of the once united states


…so we know this whole thing is a dog & pony show with two overlapping audiences…defendant dumbass being the main one…& those still on board the Dolt45 RICO-don’t-apply-to-us posse…which in reality means those so deep into the sunk costs fallacy made flesh that they’d rather drown than leave the sinking ship


…folks like this guy


…or the folks on a steady diet of faux news, alternative facts & the very definition of why #fuckzuck should never not be trending between now & November


…I could go on but aren’t we all miserable enough at this point?

maybe you have an opinion about the news of the day…

don’t listen to doug…I actually do want to hear your opinion…but do listen to doug…he’s a funny son of a bitch…or at least funnier than yours truly…

…& now doug’s got ya good’n riled…if any of you possess a relevant zip code, a certain Rooo sez left this over on kinja



  1. Yeah. Democracy at its finest.

  2. Bolton is definitely a warmonger & I have no doubt he would have loved to get Trump to start a full on war with Iran. It’s long documented that he has had a war-boner for that. I have seen theories floated that the only reason he wants to testify against Trump is to get the parts of his book that the WH objects to in the public domain so they can’t shutdown his book. I’m starting to think I’m going to need to switch from coffee to bloody marys to get thru the next few months, at least until some patriotic McDonald’s worker poisons someones burger.

    • It pisses me off that Bolton didn’t just testify before the House.😡

    • …is it wrong that I now have an image in my head of what can only be described as Humpty Trump-ty crossed with the 3 little pigs?

      …so the wind huffs & puffs & blows his wall down but for some reason he’s a giant anthropomorphic egg & when the wall falls he “had a great fall” leading to the great sidewalk-omelette disaster of 2020?

    • …oh, well played that man – thank you for that little gem.

  3. Murkowski said she won’t vote for witnesses because the case for impeachment was rushed and flawed…

    Okay, cunt. And which group of ‘elected officials’ was it that blocked and stonewalled witness testimony during the investigation phase? Which group of treasonous, spineless meatsacks withheld documents and evidence? Who was that demanded the impeachment be sent over as soon as possible in order to conduct this sham trial and prove unequivocally they do not represent anyone but themselves and therefore no longer should be allowed to have any say in anything?

    Fuck off. I hope all these fuckers die painfully.

    When do we riot?

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