Best Types of Soup to Throw at Fascists, Ranked

"And you have people coming over with bags of soup — big bags of soup."

I have no idea how everyone missed this last month, as it’s the funniest thing Trump has ever said, but in case you haven’t seen the reports about Mango Unchained’s fear of soup, read this:

1. Lung fung soup

2. Gazpacho (on cold days; never throw a cold soup on a warm day)

3. New England Clam Chowder

4. Matzah ball soup 

5. Italian Wedding Soup

6. Kapusniak (Cabbage soup)

7. Split pea and ham

8. Kimchi Guk

9. Split pea (vegetarian)

10. Hot and sour soup

11. Minnestrone

12. Mulligatawny

13. Tomato

14. Tortilla soup

15. French Onion soup (with melted cheese)

16. Broccoli Cheddar

17. Pho

18. Corn Chowder 

19. Manhattan Clam Chowder

20. Beef and barley

21. Cream of mushroom 

22. Chicken noodle

23. Chicken with stars

24. Butternut squash bisque

25. Lobster bisque (please do not waste this on a fascist)

26. Consomme 

27. Getting hit by a Cambpell’s truck

28. No, this is soup for my family.

About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 97 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.


  1. what…no mustard soup? 
    i mean…its not like its edible..might as well throw it
    (okay okay…thats largely based on the soup they served in a previous jobs cantine….the chef was less than stellar….i never forgave that soup)

  2. I would think Hot & Sour and Broccoli Cheddar would be higher.  Also, a Mulligan Stew would be appropriate though not technically a soup.  Maybe you need to do a stew version?

    • No, I’m sorry, our big wet president was very specific on this being a soup issue, not a stew issue. I’m happy to remember some stews in a different post, but please don’t try to confuse the issue of Antifa attacking America with soup, thank you. (Unless you ARE Antifa and are trying to cast doubt on this clearly true account of soup being used as an attack in which case Rand Paul is looking for your documents.)

  3. I once had orange soup. Like made from oranges. And maybe sour cream. It was surprisingly delicious. Still would make a god soup to throw at a fascist.

  4. Do you throw pho in stages? Like first you hit them with some proteins and noodles, then comes the broth – this is the big hit – and then after that the dressings? I just feel like carrying it around pre-mixed does the pho a disservice.

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