So this week my treadmill Netflix tv time has been watching the season they have of Hoarders. I’m only a few episodes in, but goddamn am I pissed off at the one therapist.
The hoarder (mother) and the enabler (son) were so fricking aggressive and vicious to the one other family member (daughter) there. And that daughter just took and took and took the abuse. The therapist mentioned it more than once in the narration, etc, but like when the daughter breaks down over the abuse, his bullshit comment was “I think you’re really brave.” Fuck him. The appropriate comment should have been “hey, you don’t have to be here, it’s okay if you want to leave.”
Anyways, this PSA brought to you by brightersideoflife —
It’s 100% okay to cut off family members who are horrible to you. Or even if not horrible by whatever metric people use to justify being assholes, still okay. Just because you didn’t get physically abused, doesn’t mean all other abusive or toxic treatment is okay.
It’s 100% okay to set boundaries with family members. Boundaries can change. If there was a point in your life that you needed more space from someone and that’s changed, also fine! What is needed for your mental and emotional health can change and if someone tries to give you shit about that, they can fuck right off. If someone is a toxic dickbag to you and a decade ago you stopped all contact and now you can spend time with them at family bbqs? Doesn’t mean they weren’t a toxic dickbag. They’re probably still a toxic dickbag. It just means currently you’ll tolerate them in some settings.
It’s 100% okay to say someone is toxic or abusive even if that person or other people in the family say you’re wrong. People are great at excusing behavior they don’t want to acknowledge. People doing the toxic/abusive behavior will convince themselves that you’re full of shit and gaslight you.
Side note – there’s physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, and financial abuse. A dear friend ran into all sorts of issues when applying for student loans only to find out a parent opened up credit cards in their name and ran up the bills and defaulted. Just because the parent didn’t beat them doesn’t mean that financial abuse was okay. My dad used financial abuse to keep my mom from filing divorce or leaving him for years. It’s probably waaaaaaay more common than people realize.
Anyways, you all are dear to me and I hope you have good, healthy boundaries with family.