C U Next Tuesday: Cunts of the World

Welcome to this week’s installment of C U Next Tuesday, where I write about some hemorrhoids from the very ass of god.

It’s no secret that Trump has been selling ambassadorships for campaign (or inaugural ball) donations, or just to his political stans. While it has accelerated with Trump, he is by no means the first President to do that shit. A bill to limit the number of non-diplomats a president could appoint to ambassadorship roles is currently in committee in the House (I don’t know if it’ll go anywhere though).

I chose a few of these deep-pocketed opportunists to write about. You can view a complete list of the current ambassadors here, as well as information about whether they are career diplomats or political appointees, and when they were appointed.

But first, meet Kevin.

A very good cunt.

Cuntenfreude: Richard Grenell

Nazi Cookie Monster

This cunt is our ambassador to Germany. I guess it would be schadenfreude if I was capable of experiencing pleasure anymore, but the Germans absolutely hate this fucking guy, so that’s nice at least.He is a former UN Spokesperson (longest-running, in fact), and previously worked under John Bolton, and he subscribes to the same war-mongering tendencies (and tries to make Germany monger more war!)

He’s a Fox News contributor and general Twitter troll, mostly harassing journalists. As an aide to Romney in 2012, he had to delete a ton of sexist and otherwise rude Tweets because in those days, you were supposed to act like a respectable person in politics.

Fuck you, Richard Grenell.

The Chosen Cunt: David Friedman

I don’t always eat toenail clippings, but when I do, they’re not from Muslim toenails.

This cunt is Trump’s ambassador to Israel. As you can imagine, he’s terrible and Bibi Netanyahu loves him. Plus, he donated $50,000 to Trump’s campaign!

Fuck you straight to hell, David Friedman.

God Save The Cunt: Cunty Johnson

Jeff Sessions, nearly fully-recovered after he accidentally lit himself on fire while innocently burning crosses for no reason.

Robert Wood “Woody” Johnson IV (owner of the NY Jets and of the Johnson & Johnson fortune) is a real piece of shit and lifelong friend of Trump, who gave $1 million to the inaugural committee.

May you be the next victim of a hit-and-run, Cunty Johnson.

You can vew past installments of C U Next Tuesday here.

UNRELATED SIDE NOTE – Did you know Politico does this stupid fucking “birthday of the day” segment?!



  1. Boy that’s a load of despicable cunts right there. I still wonder if Trump surrounds himself with utter assholes like that because he likes being to point to someone awful at any given moment to momentarily suggest he’s not quite so bad. There’s no way it’d work but in his piggy little mind it might.

    I had to act fast a moment ago to minimize this window when my boss walked by. I think she might have noticed the large red Cunt emblazoned on the first photo.

    • I always think it’s telling what Republicans seem to think “everyone does.” Yeah, everyone you know, assholes.

      Also if your boss sees, tell her I’m British so “cunt” is fine (I’m not British).

  2. Very excellent cuntlery! Except I think Dems need to take on Kevin as their spirit animal. I think a lot can be learned from his laser sharp focus on granola bars – or whatever they were.

  3. Double cunt submission: ABC and the Motion Picture Academy

    Bodies do not bounce back instantly after giving birth, despite what the movies and cheerful postpartum Instagram posts might lead you to believe. And yet, first-time mothers are often unprepared for the six to 8 weeks it typically takes to recover from vaginal birth, probably in part because major networks think it’s “too graphic” to talk about.

    Deadline reports that the above ad, for baby goods company Frida Mom’s postpartum recovery kit, was banned from the Oscars telecast, after both ABC and the Motion Picture Academy deemed it “too graphic” to air during the awards show.

    Apparently, the Academy took issue with the ad’s depiction of “partial nudity and product demonstration,” probably because the ad shows a woman dealing with typical afterbirth care like postpartum mesh underwear and pain-relieving spray, instead of glossing over real-life messiness with a butterfly or dancing flower or some other metaphorical bullshit. …



    “too graphic”? of course that’s not the reason. The woman in the ad isn’t fuckable enough after giving birth. Sex is OK (I’m not saying it shouldn’t be), but birth and what it can do to a woman’s body is “too graphic”. No wonder our family leave policies are so awful…

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