C U Next Tuesday: Cunts of War

Welcome to this week’s installment of C U Next Tuesday, where I scoop a few turds out of humanity’s toilet and list the reasons to flush them.

I wanted to learn a little more about the figures leading us to our glorious rapture the brink of war, and exactly what motivation they might have to do so.

Cuntretary of Defense: Mark Esper

Chuck E. Cheese animatronic powered by children’s severed limbs.

Yeah these word-plays are getting tough.

This motherfucker is a real grade A cunt and he was totally off my radar until the past couple weeks. I’m sure there is more to him but I’m real fixated on one aspect of his cuntery.

  • He spent years as the top lobbyist for (and currently owns stock in) Raytheon – yeah, that Raytheon – and now sits in a position to make that company and himself a lot of fucking money off of decimating the entire Middle East (and only Liz Warren wanted to call him out on this in his confirmation hearing)
  • Thanks to an agreement with the Office of Government Ethics, he’d recused himself from matters that would affect Raytheon financially, but that expired in November and he refused to extend it.
    • “Esper refused when Warren demanded that he commit to not working for any defense contractor for four years after leaving his Pentagon job and that he extend a two-year ethics commitment due to expire in November that forces him to avoid decisions involving Raytheon.”
  • Knowing his history, and that the recusal extension was not on the table, still 90 fucking Senators voted to confirm him last year. Presidential hopefuls were among the only ones to vote against him, except Sanders, who did not vote.
  • Esper has contradicted Trump in our recent crisis, saying he has seen no evidence of an “imminent” threat from Iran. However, of course, just because he hasn’t seen the evidence doesn’t mean Trump isn’t right. So he’s continuing to stan for Trump, essentially saying, “there is no evidence that Trump is telling the truth, but I have a good feeling about this.” So he’s either the Defense Secretary who hasn’t seen intel that Trump has, or everyone’s lying and confused.

Cuntstache: John Bolton

The broom that got fired from the cast of Beauty & The Beast after it ground the teapot into dust and snorted it

Yosemicunt Sam Yocuntime Sam Yosemite Cunt Cuntsemite Sam Cuntsemicunt Scunt (yep that’s the one) has been a cunt in the public eye for decades.

A quick timeline of Bolton’s cuntery leading up to the Trump era:

John Bolton will not save us. Remember that list every time you think you want him to testify; his only goal is to destabilize the world order, and if he testifies against Trump, it’s to that end.

Evangelicunt: Mike Pompeo

Sam Eagle with no eyebrows.

He hardly needs an introduction, but I wanted to dive deeper into his past cuntery.

Add your own cunts below, big and small!

See last week’s inaugural installment here.



  1. John Bolton = Cap’n Cunt

    A few more bullet points:

    – “Kentucky Republican Senator Rand Paul described Mr Bolton in an op-ed as ‘hell-bent on repeating virtually every foreign policy mistake the US has made in the last 15 years’.”

    – “He ruffled feathers in the second Bush administration where he initially worked as US Department of State under-secretary for arms control. Mr Bolton was accused of trying to force out two intelligence analysts who disagreed with him, and of seeking to undermine his boss, Colin Powell.”

    – “He once derided careerists at the US foreign ministry as having been ‘schooled in accommodation and compromise with foreigners, rather than aggressive advocacy of US interests’.”

    – “As he briefly weighed his own run for the US presidency in 2016, Mr Bolton called in an op-ed for Iran to be bombed.”

    – “And in an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal published shortly before being appointed by Mr Trump, he set out the case for a pre-emptive strike on North Korea.”

  2. Excellent weekly feature! I wish the rapture would go ahead and happen so we can get rid of these salvationist
    dipshits. I’m not religious but I would pray every day if it would actually help bring it on.

  3. ooooh, ooooh….can I suggest Bill Barr? He’s got more skeletons in his closet than a Dahmer ice box! He also might be more dangerous than all these cunts!

    • Oooh yeah that’s a good one. He probably needs his very own. I just like compiling things into lists. Not new or weird information, but just a handy list of why someone sucks.

  4. “In the ’70s, Bolton enlisted in the Maryland National Guard, specifically to avoid being drafted in to Vietnam.”

    In all honesty, this is the ONE thing that I have absolutely zero problems with Bolton doing (as long as he actually DID his time with the MD Nat’l Guard.

    You can say I’m biased & i’m fine with that.**

    But joining up to avoid getting drafted is 10000000000% more honorable than claiming “bone spurs” like’ol DonnyDumbass did, fleeing to Canada (like my bragging HS English teacher), or malingering in college ‘cuz your parents were rich (see again: DonnyDumbass)

    On EVERY.SINGLE.OTHER.THING about Bolton, though, YEAAAAAH—FUUUUUUUUUUCK that guy!!!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

    **full disclosure, my dad & his brother both enlisted in the Navy & served their time there to avoid the Vietnam draft, too. Dad was on the USS Forestall when it returned to duty after the Disaster, and my uncle was on the USS Bonhomie Richard–which ended up patrolling for months longer off the coast of Vietnam, after the disaster happened (the Zippo was headed to Asia to relieve the Bonnie Dick of it’s patrolling duty, when the ordinance went off on the deck & the disaster happened).

    • YEP. And that’s why I don’t “believe” Republicans. I believe they made up the idea that the elected officials (including Congress members) were all kept out in the cold and dumb to this just to save face. And it fucking worked.

      We know they were in on and it, as you say, we know why.

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