C U Next Tuesday: Televangecunt Edition

Welcome to the first installment of a new series called C U Next Tuesday, where we discuss people I wouldn’t throw a used tampon at if they were on fire. My main goal is to highlight cunts who can do widespread damage but are flying somewhat under the radar.

First, here’s an ode to the word “cunt.”

Because there are so many to choose from, and I need to find order in this chaotic world, I’m going to try to theme these. This week, I will highlight a few shitlickers leading us all into god’s light a hellscape beyond our wildest nightmares.

Sometimes, I’ll be more topical. But since I’m reeling from the colossal number of cunts currently starting WWIII, I’ll focus on some sinister ministers who should be held accountable for their role in our modern garbage world. These cunts are everlasting.

Televangecunt Supreme: Paula White

Sentient lump of bleached collagen, spewing poison into the atmosphere. (AP Photo)

This cunt is someone you may have seen praying with our extremely pious Dickteeth In Chief. That’s because she has been the official faith adviser to him and just recently became an actual, tax-payer-paid employee of the fucking White House.

She is a prominent purveyor of the blasphemous zealotry of the Prosperity Gospel. She’s been a televangelist for years and has pastored a few mega-churches in Florida (vomit).

Why is Paula White such a cunt? She’s been using her position as Trump’s spiritual adviser to make money, and in return, she herds her sheep toward him, and ergo is making money while aiding Republicans in oppressing the majority of our citizens.

Academicunt: Jerry Falwell Jr.

Uncooked biscuit dough with too much baking powder and not enough salt. (photo via CNBC)

He’s not exactly “under the radar,” but I do want to draw attention to the fact that he’s getting in Big Trouble lately for being a Big Piece of Garbage.

He’s been doing corrupty things with money, hiring the likes of Michael Cohen to deal with some “racy photos,” and generally self-dealing. Mr. Falwell, you have always been and continue to be a giant cunt.

Rape Apologycunt: August “Augie” Boto

A flock of snakes wearing a skin suit. (photo via Baptist Press)

You may have heard of last year’s explosive report detailing the extent to which Southern Baptist clergy had been committing sexual abuse and rape; but did you know that one person with a lot of power is largely responsible for blocking the church from making a sex offender database?

His name is Augie Boto and he was the general counsel for the organization in 2008, when he prevented the creation of the database, which was proposed to deal with the problem of rapist pastors and leaders being fired but then transferred and re-hired elsewhere. If that sounds familiar, it’s because the Catholic Church likes to do that, too.

Though he apparently felt much “sorrow” about the situation, he felt that the church should not put their hands in dealing with such matters.

700 victims.

Add your own cunts – big and small!*

*perhaps, don’t take that literally…



  1. P.S.
    I still want to call them televangelicunts…possibly just because it would rhyme with elephants & I feel like that would be useful if anyone felt like getting their limerick on?

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