C U Next Tuesday: The First Horsecunts of the Apocalypse

Welcome to this week’s installment of C U Next Tuesday, where I scrape some gum off the sidewalk and write about it. It would be difficult to ignore some of the big news this week, so I’m focusing in on the assholes who hold many of our very lives in their hands.

But first, a better way of cunting (from one of my favorite Instagram accounts).

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I recently started painting with acrylic; this is a study of Courbet’s Origine du Monde, which I’ve named Whorigine du Monde #justlikejesus (you can support my shenanigans on Patreon) 📷 @danibob

A post shared by JACQ THE STRIPPER (@jacqthestripper) on Mar 8, 2020 at 5:17pm PDT

Alex Azar: Eli Lilly & Cuntany

This cunt is Trump’s appointed director of Health and Human Services. Now, obviously, he’s been doing a terrible job so far in our current crisis, but his cunty history is worth a look.

The HHS controls Medicare and Medicaid, oversees the CDC and the FDA, manages communication and funding to state and local level health departments. So, not an agency we want fucking around.

• Just before being nominated to his current post, Azar was the president of Eli Lilly & Co – when they tripled the price of insulin (also, unsurprisingly, he walked into his new post being handsomely compensated by Eli Lilly).
• He is actually a lawyer (not a healthcare expert!), and worked for Kenneth Starr investigating Bill Clinton, George W. Bush in the contested (stolen) 2000 election, and clerked for Antonine Scalia. So basically, he has floated around in cunty circles for decades.
• He’s a standard anti-choice Republican man with the power to control my bodily autonomy!
• Under Azar’s oversight, the FDA has become EXTREMELY ineffective. We are all being (more) poisoned than we were a few years ago. Deregulation will save us all!
• Trump has been very focused on bringing drug prices down – something Azar is on board with – but due to Trump’s incompetence, has been unable to do. So now, Azar is in an ass-licking contest with the next sycophant to try to do something about drug prices before the election. Hard to tell whether Azar is the cunt in this situation or not, but I’m going to go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt and call him a cunt. (that’s how benefit of the doubt works, right?)

To his credit, he has opposed the administration’s eagerness to strike down the ACA, and there is apparently friction because of it. But still, cunt:

• In our current moment, Azar was initially put in charge of coronavirus with Pence, but managed to just turn that into a Trump carrot-sucking tour with no real information – including propping up the “Democratic hoax” line for the 12 hoursor whatever that lasted.
• Azar has refused to guarantee that people would be able to afford the fucking vaccine (should it ever arrive). I get it – how can he guarantee that when capitalism will be the first consideration.
• Azar has since been taken out of the “task force” so that the administration can blame him for everything. Why is he a cunt for that, you ask? For being a willing participant in this and going on TV spreading Trump’s fucking lies. If you’re being sidelined and possibly fired, tell the motherfucking truth, you cunt.
• Just this morning, he went on TV saying he has no idea how many Americans have been tested for it!

May you contract the coronavirus, you cunt. You’ll have earned it.

Ben Carson: Sleeping Cunty

After Azar was sidelined, we downgraded to Ben Carson. Why, why is Ben Carson – Secretary of HUD and general no-nothing – being paraded around to talk about COVID? Who the fuck knows. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why any given person is on this task force. Another example of the rot of the incompetence of our leadership – none of them even seem to know what competence looks like.

Maybe Carson fell asleep and woke up on a task force.

One could spend a lot of time diving deep into why Ben Carson is such a fucking cunt, but I’m going to keep this focused on our current news. The bottom line is that he’s out around town spewing nonsense and parroting Trumpist lines, but it means a little extra coming from a doctor.

• You may or may not have seen that the administration’s Sunday show appearances were kind of a shit show.
• Ben Carson was played a leading role in that show, admitting there was no plan in place to deal wtih the people who would be disembarking from the Grand Princess cruise ship that docked yesterday. Understandably, he doesn’t know what the messaging is because there is no consistency in the messaging.
• He lied to Congress last week that the administration was going to be transparent and listen to scientists and healthcare officials. We know they have not.
• He lied to the nation yesterday, telling us this virus is just like other viruses like the flu, when we know it is indeed not.

Any may you, too, catch the coronavirus, you cunt. Good thing it won’t listen to your lies.

Robert Redfield: A Cunt of God, Not Science

The director of the CDC, Robert Redfield, is actually a rare bird: a Trump appointee who, on paper at least, is qualified for his job. But his history as a virologist, mostly in the military, is actually what makes him such a goddamn cunt.

In short, he is fucking terrible. The majority of his career was spent studying HIV/AIDS, and his proposed solutions to the problem centered around considering AIDS a punishment from God, and dehumanizing and casting out all affected. You can attribute a lot of the Reagan administration’s atrocious handling of the AIDS crisis to him.

• For starters, he is paid a LOT more than most people in the CDC (and was fighting for higher pay before he gave up). This isn’t specifically his fault, as it is due to a provision allowing higher pay for this position to theoretically attract the best and brightest. Bonus – he actively sought this position under GW Bush and was rejected.
• He allegedly manipulated research data to promote an AIDS vaccine that absolutely did not work. He was cleared of the charges butttttttttttttttttt…..
• His understanding of AIDS comes from Christianity, and he has abused his position as a science expert to push his extremists views on vulnerable AIDS victims. He explicitly states that AIDS was “God’s judgement” on gay people, which was promoted through his close connection to 1980s evangelical hate group Americans for a Sound AIDS/HIV Policy.
• Now, he is part of the evangelical takeover of the government under Trump.
• His policies for preventing the spread of AIDS were specifically homophobic and invasive. They included:
  • Mandatory testing for all soldiers without confidentiality.
  • Mandatory quarantining and mistreatment of those soldiers who tested positive, referred to as a “leper colony” by one of them. They were imprisoned in these places until they developed full-blown AIDS and were dishonorably discharged.
  • ” Soldiers described being summoned to meet with a chaplain, who would inform them that they had tested positive for HIV, and counsel them while military police rifled through their barracks searching for evidence of homosexuality and the names of possible sex partners.”
• In 1991, he was instrumental, along with notoriously homophobic Rep. William Dannemeyer, in introducinig a bill that would have completely cast AIDS victims out of society, and promoted an abstinence-focused program in Africa:

“It would have subjected people with HIV to testing, loss of professional licenses and would have effectively quarantined them. (The bill died in Congress.) In the 2000s, Redfield was a top advocate for the so-called “ABCs of AIDS” in Africa, pressing to prevent HIV infection through sexual abstinence, monogamy and the use of condoms only as a last resort.”

So what do we think he might suggest Trump do about coronavirus, if things get worse? Imprison people?

Robert Redfield, may the good Lord give you the punishment you’ve deserved all along.