Hi, friends!
How is your day going? There’s a lot of bad weather going around, I hope everyone is safe.
So, my story of the day is about work. I’ve been on this project where we’ve been working on overhauling a bunch of shitty processes*. This has been me (the person actually doing this work for the last year) and 7 dudes trying to tell me how I’m doing my own job. It’s been going really well. So well. Most of my suggestions are completely ignored, unless one of the dudes also suggests the same thing.
Anyways.
The best part about this is the head honcho on this project wants their team to do all the stuff I’ve been doing. Which, fan-fucking-tastic. That was the best news I got in March. But womp womp, I’ve been feeling increasingly like head honcho’s 2 top minions don’t like me. Minions didn’t believe me when I told them all repeatedly about the amount of hand-holding and work this stuff requires. Or basic questions seem to stump them, like if there are multiple teams involved, how do we do (basic things).
And now I’ve become quite the bitch. You know, doing unreasonable things like expecting them to do work that their own boss wants them to own, even when they seem under the impression that I’m willing to do it for them. Today I really upset minion #2 when he asked me how to automate all the manual work I’ve been doing, since he’s got to own part of it soon, and I was like “it’s manual. You can’t automate it. You have to read and assess everything that comes in. You’re on the meetings with me every week, what do you think we could automate?” You know, since soon he’ll have to do that work. So horrible! It has to be automated!!! His $150k salary means he’s too busy to do this sort of work!
So, my friends. How does this connect back to the title of my NOT?
All these dudes are in the office in a different state than me. Minions #1 and #2 were sitting at their desks. One of my dear work friends sits…in the cube next to theirs. She is very much not a fan of Minions #1 and #2, and I get this text “(name and name) are cursing up a storm about you, whatever you’re doing, please continue” hahahahahaahahahha
*in case there was any doubt, the root cause of all this shittiness is shitty leadership, but that’s not changing much. Good thing we’ll introduce a bunch of extra work to “fix” things!
I know that feeling too. Sometimes it is fun being underestimated and hated.
I found out from a friend who played B-ball with a bunch of office gnomes about how I was considered the biggest fucking idiot ever at work (not to say I wasn’t thanks to one blunder, but the office gossips gotta gossip) and the subject of office gossip blind items for over a year (thanks former manager!)
It was irritating but some folks found out the gossip didn’t mention that while I might fuck up once in a while that I’m also smart and kinda mean when provoked.
Gleefully kicking various managers in the proverbial shins/balls in front of senior leadership and minions didn’t hurt either.
Suddenly I wasn’t a joke anymore. Last week, I had a co-op student look at me with something I had to look up in the dictionary, admiration.
That’s glorious!
My favorite thing about Minion #2 is while yonder dingdong knows corporate wordspeak real good, he has no clue about what we actually do or how to do it. It makes our conversations very entertaining.
As a management consultant, I used to pretend to care enough to finish sentences like this one. Now, I try to communicate as little as possible with coworkers and clients.
None of them are worthy of my time.
Goddamnitalltofuckinghell…….my fucking YT rec’s are full of fucking Nickleback now. Fucking thanks, @Lymond.
So so Sorry!!!!!
You’re not actually sorry. Don’t pretend!
I went to a dinner with my company on Monday night. It was me and 11 dudes. I feel your pain.