Coffee Break [14/2/22]

Happy Valentine’s Day, Deadsplinters. I must confess it’s not my favorite holiday. I’m not sentimental by nature, and I’m wary of romantic gestures. Flowers – what did you do? Jewelry – what’s her name? I have my reasons, don’t ask. But there was one winter when I was seeing a man who demonstrated his affection in the most practical and thoughtful way. By driving to my apartment building on his way to work, and in the predawn hours scraping the ice from my car windows. That guy understood courtship.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done or had done for you?



  1. Okay, I’ll bite. While I won’t turn down a big gesture, for me, it is the day-to-day that is romantic. Like you said, the scraping of a car windshield, or the weekly staging of the garbage for pick-up, or the daily making and turning on of coffee so that it is ready when I go downstairs…It is the small, regular, kindnesses that mean more to me than a one-time splash or big dollar outlay. Really, if I want something within a certain price range, I will save for it or plan for it and buy it myself. I don’t need or want to be public with affection; the daily kindnesses that no one else sees are a big deal to me. Also, I can be had for more dogs.

  2. I stepped on a giant piece of dog shit last week. I left my shoe outside to be dealt with never at a later date. My husband used his free time this weekend to clean them for me. Now that is love. 🐕 💩 👟 💕

  3. The true test of a solid relationship, I HAVE RECENTLY LEARNED, is how much help and support you get when things happen beyond your control and you really need it. Much to my surprise I discovered that I have married the reincarnation of Florence Nightingale. So that worked out. I suppose what also worked in my favor is that Flo has had a work-from-home job for years and with the pandemic and the lockdowns there was no real reason or opportunity to leave me much except to forage for supplies, but still.

    Years ago my Flo had surgery and I fulfilled the same role for him. The recovery involved me changing bandages and doing intrusive hygiene-related tasks and he asked, “Doesn’t this gross you out?” “Flo,” I replied, “I have scrubbed canine diarrhea out of wool rugs. This is nothing.”

    • I’m shocked by the number of people who leave their significant others when they are ill or going through another hardship. I’m glad that wasn’t the case with you and the Better Half.

      • There was a frequent Jezebel SNS commenter who was in an absolutely miserable situation. She was in a wheelchair and her husband or partner not only wasn’t particularly helpful but (sounded like to me) abused her mentally and emotionally. There’s a special place in hell for him. Do you remember her?

        • I do, I think she may check in on the new GT now and then. Penny something? She ended up leaving the abusive partner and was living with a different man who seems to treat her very well.

  4. I used to be a hopeless romantic and would do over the top gestures, flowers, expensive dinners and all.  My wife is NOT romantic at all and really doesn’t care about such gestures.  So, our V-day is I will cook her a nice dinner and drink some wine.

  5. Similar to your windshield story, I drove over to my girlfriend’s place in the darkness of a cold winter morning and shoveled her driveway and path to the front door.

  6. Once upon a time I was quite smitten with a young lady and happened to learn what her favorite flower was.  It was out of season for several months…but I knew that only meant it was out of season in the Northern Hemisphere.  So I arranged for a small bouquet of these flowers to get expressed from the Southern Hemisphere and delivered to her.

    These days it feels kind of silly to do stuff like that when Mrs. Butcher and I have been together for over two decades.  So, like others here, I express it by the day-to-day little things like making dinner and bringing it to her, rather than having her just make her own plate.

    • One thing that soured me on it as a holiday is how much it infiltrated my daughter’s schools when she was young. Kids in elementary school were having flowers delivered to the classroom by their parents! And in Middle and High School it was all about who was “socially successful”. Very Jeb “ please clap”, lol. No thanks.

      • I had the exact opposite reaction when my daughter was in preschool. A number of people who belonged to a religion that objected to any holiday observance put their kids in the daycare, and then demanded that the daycare ignore all holidays. So we got a letter to not send Valentine’s cards to the daycare. A scant few managed to sneak through, and I remember my daughter sitting and looking at the two cards she got over and over and over. I almost cried. She was just too little to understand what happened and why.

        I took her to an ice cream shop and let her stuff herself silly. It still bothers me. I despise people who try to force their beliefs on others, and I don’t give a shit about the context.

        But to your point, if you do any holiday observance, everybody should be treated equally. So if you send flowers to your kid (?!) everybody should get them. And after elementary school, it needs to stop.

        • Valentine Cards are fun for preschoolers and elementary kids. But the flowers and gifts sent by parents for the kids to just haul home were ridiculous! You can give them gifts at home. Oh, but then the other children wouldn’t get to see what they got and feel bad that their parents didn’t or couldn’t give them flowers and stuffed animals too!

          • One of the things that confused me as a kid was the tv show plot of *GASP* not getting a valentine at school.

            My Catholic gradeschool had a rule that if you brought in valentines, you brought them in for the entire class. Same with Valentine’s day candy – errybody is getting that candy or you’re not handing it out to anyone.

  7. We are a practical bunch here, aren’t we?

    Like many of you, Valentine’s Day is just another day and the important part to me is the day-to-day kindnesses. If you send me cards and flowers on V-day and yell at me for everything the rest of the year, it really doesn’t count. If you hand feed and medicate my cat and keep him in your bedroom for weeks when he’s sick and I’m living in a place where I can’t take him, THAT is romantic to me. (And, yes, Other-Husband did exactly that a few years ago.) If you walk 5 miles to bring me a can of chicken soup when I’m sick, that’s romantic (Husband did this when we first got together!) Flowers and candy are nice, but hardly the be-all and end-all of a good relationship.

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