An Oklahoma man claims self-defense in the murder of a friend. Larry Doil Sanders alleges that he fought for his life after Jimmy Knighten lured him to the South Canadian River under the pretext of noodling, but really intended to feed Sanders to a Sasquatch. I call bullshit! Anyone who has seen Harry and the Hendersons knows Bigfoots don’t eat meat. Who are you going to believe, Deadsplinters, a random Sooner, or John Lithgow?
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Maybe Larry thought “noodling” was something else.
I thought being “eaten by a vegetarian” was something else. Monster Romance is so hawt rite now.
These damn Bigfoots are getting out of hand with their hit men and erotica. There oughta be a law.
Lol, could be. Or Jimmy did.
A homesteader moved out to the Alaskan bush to build a cabin and live his wilderness life. While he was working, another homesteader came wandering over from his place to say hello.
“Hey there. Just wanted to welcome you to the area, and invite you to a party.”
“Thank you! What kind of activities will be at the party?”
“Well, there will be a lot of drinkin’, a lot of fightin’, and a lot of fuckin’.”
“Sounds great! Who will be there?”
“Just you and me.”
Uh, no thanks! 😬
In the land of Bigfoot, some people take this shit very seriously!
https://washingtonbigfoot.com/
and some just use the big fellow to make $$$
http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/washington/sasquatch-music-festival
https://www.bellingham.org/bigfoot-adventures-in-bellingham-offers-sasquatch-tours
It’s a thing in Oklahoma too. So maybe Larry isn’t lying. Of course meth is also a thing in Oklahoma so…🤷🏻♀️
I’m not sure John Lithgow could be a vegetarian, because if you watch this Harry and the Hendersons clip you can see he’s a giant ham.
But seriously, Lithgow is a fun actor.
And Harry eats the goldfish so technically he’s a pescatarian.
I do love Lithgow even at his hammiest.
or his Trumpty-est?
That was beautiful.
In Florida we have the skunk ape. I mean, there’s no proof, obvs. Skunk apes are way too smart to get caught. Particularly by Florida Man.
A group in Kentucky thinks Bigfoots bury their dead and that’s why we haven’t stumbled across any bodies. Maybe that’s what happening with Skunk Apes too. And I would totally buy that guys Skunk Ape field guide.
https://dailyyonder.com/local-lore-kentucky-cryptid-researcher-wonders-if-mysterious-structures-could-be-bigfoot-graves/2021/12/17/
Good job, KY morons.
Using Cleetus’ Razor, the most wildly outlandish and stupidest explanation is the solution…
See missing Big Feet poop.
Realistically any large primate living in temperate forests would be an omnivore just to have additional options during winter. The idea of giant herbivores wandering around all winter with nothing but pine needles to eat isn’t realistic given the amount of nutrition needed to support big brains.
So anyways, sorry I think the idea of Bigfoot/Sasquatch is fucking stupid as there’s no indication of another great ape rambling around.
Now, I’m entirely willing to believe there could be a pack of chimpanzees running around in the Everglades, but that’s just because of Florida Man/Woman dumping their “pet” out there.
The mistaken bear hypothesis seems most likely to me.
Pedals the Bear was a famous case of a bear who walked only on its hind legs — his front leg was injured so he switched to human style.
Unfortunately, hunters got him.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/animalia/wp/2016/10/16/pedals-the-bear-endeared-himself-to-humans-by-walking-like-one-did-hunters-kill-him/
Of course they did. 🤬
I’m skeptical about Larry’s defense.
We have lots of wild monkeys. It’s not a big stretch to think there could be chimps or other apes around.
Florida is a very weird place.
You’re telling Noah about the Flood.
Follow the shit.
A Bigfoot would have to be the world’s best stealth pooper. If there were a community of rather tall bipedal hominids wandering around the woods we would have found a large amount of unrecognizable shit from an unknown animal. I know (thanks to the Boy Scouts and Naturalist Ed) that every species has unique poops based on diet and digestive tract. I figure that 7 foot hominid would be leaving massive turd piles in the middle of the forest everywhere. Hard to hide that.
This is something lost on backwoods Samsquanch Believers Jed and Jughead (who should know better.)
If you give a man a fish you noodled he’ll be hungry the next day. If you teach a man how to noodle, he’ll kill you, blame it on your homicidal deal with Sasquatch then spend a lifetime in jail.
I hope they serve catfish in prison.