Coffee Break [18/7/22]

Your mid-morning pick me up

An Oklahoma man claims self-defense in the murder of a friend. Larry Doil Sanders alleges that he fought for his life after Jimmy Knighten lured him to the South Canadian River under the pretext of noodling, but really intended to feed Sanders to a Sasquatch. I call bullshit! Anyone who has seen Harry and the Hendersons knows Bigfoots don’t eat meat. Who are you going to believe, Deadsplinters, a random Sooner, or John Lithgow?

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25 Comments

  1. I’m not sure John Lithgow could be a vegetarian, because if you watch this Harry and the Hendersons clip you can see he’s a giant ham.

     

    But seriously, Lithgow is a fun actor.

     

  2. Realistically any large primate living in temperate forests would be an omnivore just to have additional options during winter. The idea of giant herbivores wandering around all winter with nothing but pine needles to eat isn’t realistic given the amount of nutrition needed to support big brains.

    So anyways, sorry I think the idea of Bigfoot/Sasquatch is fucking stupid as there’s no indication of another great ape rambling around.

    Now, I’m entirely willing to believe there could be a pack of chimpanzees running around in the Everglades, but that’s just because of Florida Man/Woman dumping their “pet” out there.

  3. Follow the shit.

    A Bigfoot would have to be the world’s best stealth pooper.  If there were a community of rather tall bipedal hominids wandering around the woods we would have found a large amount of unrecognizable shit from an unknown animal. I know (thanks to the Boy Scouts and Naturalist Ed) that every species has unique poops based on diet and digestive tract. I figure that 7 foot hominid would be leaving massive turd piles in the middle of the forest everywhere. Hard to hide that.

    This is something lost on backwoods Samsquanch Believers Jed and Jughead (who should know better.)

  4. If you give a man a fish you noodled he’ll be hungry the next day.  If you teach a man how to noodle, he’ll kill you, blame it on your homicidal deal with Sasquatch then spend a lifetime in jail.

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