Coffee Break [29/3/21]

Your mid-morning pick me up.

I don’t typically embrace conspiracy theories, but, I’m beginning to see a pattern.

First they create a crisis.

Then, when we’re housebound and helpless, they steal our packages,

muscle in on our time shares,

and disrupt our mass transit systems.

It looks like even Man’s Best Friend is in on it.

Is this the great animal uprising or the effects of too much caffeine and screen time? Leave your evidence in the comment section. They’re coming for us Deadsplinters, DON’T ANSWER THE DOOR!



    • I think my mother must have been an owl in a previous life because she had this power. I think a lot of mothers do. One of her death glares and a quiet “What do you think you’re doing?” would freeze a half-dozen pre-teens in their tracks. My father was more like me. “So your mother is a little mad at you. What did you think you were doing today?” “Well, Daddy, the thing is…” and he’d often chuckle and say, “Well promise me you won’t do it again. or at least don’t do it in front of your mother, or within hearing distance.” (This sounds naughtier than it was; we would be play-acting comic book stories and running around screaming, or something like that. For as permissive as the 1970s were we and the neighbors’ kids were so clean-cut. I could tell you horror stories about the children of friends of mine, middle-class and sometimes older doting parents, and what their kids get up to.)

    • You are so right. I have a friend in Britain that has/had a couple of horses. Once when I was visiting her we drove to the horse stable. I like horses so I gamely went along. On the drive over she said, “You’re in a for a real treat because I want to move them to the paddock for the day. You do know how to ride, don’t you?” 
      I do, kind of, but not nearly as well as she does, so we mounted up and I said, “So how far is this paddock?” “Oh, not far at all! Follow my lead.” She also had three beagles, and they were along for the trip. So we trotted down this charming English country lane which was barely wide enough to fit two small cars (and it was a two-lane road) with huge hedges on both sides, she in front of me, the three beagles racing around, the cars pausing respectfully in both directions, her saying hello to everyone because it was a village and they probably had horses themselves…We got to the paddock and she dismounted. I went to do the same and she said, “No, not yet, I’m just opening the gate, once we’re through we have a ways to go.” The “paddock” was more like a cow pasture and the cows took an interest in me. “Oh, don’t mind the cows, Mattie, they’re just curious, they want to get to know you.”
      Trot, trot, trot and finally we arrived. “This is the horses’ favorite spot.” It was the middle of nowhere as far as I could see. I went to dismount and fell flat on my face. I wasn’t injured but I had two horses, three beagles, and maybe two dozen cows galloping over and getting up close and personal. My friend was doubled over in laughter. I thought, “I was lured here to be a human sacrifice. I think [friend] is an animist.” “Mattie, just get up, they’re only coming to say hello. Just don’t try to pat them, just stand and look at them, and they’ll do the same with you.” So I did that. Later, I asked, “What if I did try to pat one of the cows?” “They’d consider it an attack and they’re like dogs, they’re pack-oriented, you attack one and you attack them all. A couple of years ago a young guy very drunkenly tried to cut through here and, well…”

      • @MatthewCrawley I like seeing horse, and I’ve ridden a few times, mostly because my daughter wanted to, but they’re huge animals and I’m more than a little afraid of them. I have no first hand experience with cows but I suspect they know I’ve eaten one or two of their kin. I doubt if they take kindly to that. 

      • I also like horses (I like all animals), but every horseback riding experience has been harrowing. One tried to scrape me off on the side of a mountain. One jumped over a log and almost bucked me (all the other horses in the group stepped over it). And one stopped to eat grass so much we almost got left behind. It’s the only time I felt menaced by a species besides humans.

    • @bryanlsplinter My daughter is a field biologist. On one of her first days on the job she had to park the work truck in a pasture. When she returned from the woods there were a dozen cows crowding around it, they were licking  and head butting it. She called me in hysterics wanting to know what to do, lol. I didn’t know, I’m a town girl same as her. She called a coworker, they laughed and said, “wait until they leave.” She sat there for the better part of an hour before they wandered off. They had scratched the truck pretty good. But at least it wasn’t bulls. 

  1. Not sure if anyone here missed the John Oliver episode on conspiracy theories a while back, but it was a good one. It’s stuck with me, in terms of explaining why people buy into them and how to (and more importantly how not to) try to guide them away from conspiracy theories.

    A lot of news has been covering former Q supporters that are coming to their senses recently. It’s kind of fascinating stuff, from a human psychology standpoint. 

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