Coffee Break

Brown Dishwater?

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Like, A REAL Coffee Break?

Due to Hannibal being incapacitated by rabid Canadian Lynx, I’m taking over Coffee Break this week. And since we can’t have a real coffee break, I’m posing the scary question: What if you had to take a real coffee break? As in, no coffee whatsoever? What would you do?

Devout Mormons and Seventh Day Adventists don’t drink any caffeinated beverages whatsoever, and some fill the urge for a hot dark roasted beverage with Postum.

Postum is made with roasted grain which is steeped sort of like coffee, but without any stimulative value. According to Wikipedia, it was once advertised with a cartoon ghost named “Mr. Coffee Nerves” who was defeated when people switched to Postum.

Ah, Postum. So relaxing.

If Postum isn’t an option, would you drink decaf coffee? Herbal tea? Decaf Diet Coke? During times of woe, some people resorted to ground chicory root, which is evidently OK tasting, and is still added to the coffee served at Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans.

I vaguely remember being on vacation and my parents taking a jar of instant coffee along, and if things were dire enough, making ersatz coffee out of freeze dried and hot water from a hotel tap. Would you settle for this?

How far would you go?



  1. I’d move on to double-bagged cups of caffeinated cinnamon tea. Wait – is caffeinated tea allowed as an answer? If the answer must be a non-caffeinated beverage, I’d move to sparkling water and end up with one heck of a withdrawal headache.

  2. The Winston Churchill diet: Sherry, champagne, wine, whiskey, gin & tonics, maybe a little tea. Churchill lived to be 90. When he was born life expectancy was about 40 (Britain had a lot of mass poverty, malnutrition, filthy and dangerous jobs, childhood diseases, cholera, you name it.) If you lived to be 40 you could reasonable expect another 30 years. It didn’t hurt that Churchill was a Churchill-Marlborough-Spencer, so one of the noblest and richest extended clans in the country.

  3. @bluedogcollar Thanks for covering this morning’s coffee break. @myopicprophet performed some sort of technical/diplomatic wizardry and I’m fully operational again.
    But the thought of giving up my precious coffee is giving me the vapors. I can’t even imagine what I’d sub in for it. Well, actually I can, but I’ve been clean for a long time and the very thought makes me shudder. 😖

  4. I drink a fair amount of decaf already, so I could go full decaf fairly easily. A couple days of slight, annoying withdrawal headaches would be possible but bearable.

    Those rabid Canadian lynx are why we cannot have nice things.


  5. …last time I tried making do without coffee involved various sorts of green tea, I think

    …but…that was a while ago & I wouldn’t be in any hurry to relinquish the option of a nice cup of decent coffee

    …in my case I’d forego the cup if only instant was available…I must have drunk too much of it at some point because I feel about it the way some folks I know feel about whiskey…but I know people who’d take instant coffee over the fanciest pour-over, fresh-ground lovingly roasted la-di-dah coffee any day of the week…different strokes & all that

    …no caffeine at all, though…yeah…that might be tricky?

  6. I’m one of those masochists who can drop a “bad” habit cold turkey and not complain or crave it. Cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol, dairy, soy, guten, etc. The only one I have a hard time with is salami and other cold cuts.

  7. The only types of coffee I can do usually wouldn’t be classified as “coffee” by most folks😉

    Swedish/”Church-Basement” Egg Coffee (with 2 sugars in a 6oz cup to cut the bitter!), and Turtle or Mint-Chocolate Mochas (from Caribou–not that death-flavored Starbucks crap!), with *at least* two additional packets of Sugar-in-the-Raw to cut down the bitter to a drinkable level!😉😂🤣

    That’s why my caffeine source of choice, from age 16-38 was Mountain Dew.

    Not the weird “flavors” of Dew–just the original “nuclear-yellow, vaguely *citrus* flavored ‘It’ll Tickle Yore Innards!‘” stuff😁

    After i lost the back 2/3 of my pancreas & became diabetic, when I was 38, I had to stop drinking it…because Diet Dew tastes TERRIBLE, and is somehow (inexplicably!!!) “Chemical-Death-Flavored” to those of us who like *regular* Dew!😉😂

    Buuuuut, a few years ago–a year or so after Coke Zero came out–they came out with the Mountain Dew Black Label (aka Zero Sugar), so I’m back to my old habit of about a can a day- before noon-as my regular caffeine source😁🤗💖



  8. im fine with just water…i dont get caffeine withdrawals…same goes for alcohol actually

    nicotine is trixy….but i dont know if its cravings or just my natural fidgettyness what makes me…uhh..well…fidgetty when i dont smoke instead

    also…the stepping out for a smoke is an amazing get out of company free card thats hard to walk away from

    but yeah…im fine without coffee

  9. Christian Scientists also don’t consume caffeine.


    In high school I was a yearbook photographer and we had a swim meet at the Christian Scientist Boarding School. Everyone was super nice, but I had hella bad period cramps and the soda machine had only noncaffeinated options to my great dismay.

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