Coffee Break [ 4/7/22]

Happy Independence Day to straight, white, cis-het, Evangelical Christian, conservative, American men! I hope the rest of you in the U.S. have the day off at least. And those of you outside the U.S. get to celebrate not living here.

The expression as American as Apple Pie has been around since the 1800s. But it doesn’t feel culturally relevant anymore. I think it’s time for a rebrand. Complete the sentence for me, Deadsplinters – As American as_____________________.



  1. American as: venerating purposeful ignorance.

    And spot on: Happy Independence Day to straight, white, cis-het, Evangelical Christian, conservative, American men!

  2. I used to think God Bless America was just some crappy patriotic schlag, but I’ve come to hear the song in a different way in the past few years.  It was written by a Jewish immigrant whose family was fleeing anti-Semitic persecution, and it’s not so much a declaration of “God’s One True Country” as it is a beseeching, a begging,  a prayer that whichever deity you choose will please take care of us because we surely need the help.  Anyway, as a song it’s much better than the execrable Star Spangled Banner.

    • I wonder how the far right feels about America being personified as she? They seem very concerned about the feminization of the military through soy milk, lol, so I’m guessing they’d object. Their America is a manly, gun toting, individual. Just like their Jesus.I like your interpretation, and she needs both guidance and strength to get through this phase of her existence.

      • For sheer excess, you can’t beat Elvis’ The American Trilogy.  It starts with the always-appropriate “Dixie” and ends with the Battle Hymn of the Republic, and all the while Elvis clearly doesn’t have any idea where he is because he’s tweaking so hard.

        But he was still able to squeeze it all into that jumpsuit and his voice was still otherworldly.

  3. As American as a bloated, drug-addicted, sequins-spangled, jumpsuit wearing rock and roll singer belting out America the Beautiful to an audience of white sixty-somethings in Bermuda shorts and white socks fresh from the Vegas slots.

  4. first day back at work for me….where i was expecting to take over from my replacement…. but she’s in the hospital with severely bruised ribs and liver…but no longer any internal bleeding

    seems she walked into a brawl during the motogp festival and really took a kicking…far as i can tell a big brawl broke out and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time

    sucks…made me think i probably shouldnt whine too much about having to work again….shit could be worse

    • …damn

      …never really thought of that sort of event as brawl-prone so I don’t know how shitty that makes her luck to have been in thick of things that went that way but I’m glad it sounds like the sort of stuff that will heal…you’re not wrong about the potential for shit to be worse

      …that said…shit doesn’t have to get worse to suck…so here’s hoping work treats you all right?

      • eh like any event….the shit starts once the music stops

        this happened around 04:30

        im generally out of there by about 1-2 am as at that point…people are starting to get proper drunk and trouble is just waiting to happen

        its proper unlucky…but that time of…uhh morning…well..if shits going to kick off…its going to be then

        but yeah…works allright so far…see how we go as the week goes

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