deadsplinter Presidential Endorsement

After much consultation and deliberation, the deadsplinter editorial board is officially endorsing Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and this puppy for president.

While there were many worthy candidates, these three distinguished themselves in myriad ways ranging from their history in government, their bold visions of improving the world, and their overall fluffiness. Any of them would be tremendous leaders of the nation, at least two no longer poop in the living room, and they all would bring much needed dignity and poise to the office.

We wish we were able to show our readers the footage of their selection interviews, however one of the candidates ate their release form and it would be unfair to not show all of the interviews.



  1. Honestly I’m sure puppy would poop in the living room less frequently than our current president. Plus, he’s clearly a very good boy.

    • Next you’re going to accuse puppy of being the one who ate their release form.

      • No I think it’s pretty clear that was Warren.

        • …it’s all part of the plan, you see?

    • Even if Dog licks her butt at the G7 summit, and drinks from a toilet at Buckingham Palace, she’d still be better respected by the other world leaders than Biff.

    • And the puppy, being still a puppy, is MUCH less likely to try humping anything in sight, unlike the current occupier of the WH.

      In addition to shitting himself, the bed, and the entire country.🤨

  2. I am endorsing 50,000 candidates — the bedbugs infesting the offices of the New York Times.

    Make that 49,999. I can’t endorse Bret Stephens.

  3. I’ve been laughing at this since I saw the draft.
    Thanks, I love it.

  4. Bernie and dog are both fluffy, but I suspect Bernie poops in the living room now and then. Okay, maybe it’s more of an Al Roker shart than a full on poop but haven’t we had enough of geriatric shit in the Oval Office?

    • Next you’re going to accuse Bernie of being the one who ate their release form.

  5. I would take a bullet for Puppy….

  6. while Warren is my first choice I am now fully behind candidate very good boy as my alternate

  7. The tie breaker should have been best hair style so the dog could’ve won.

  8. This is like that endorsement by the New York Times, except
    1 good
    2 self-aware that it’s a joke

Leave a Reply