Deadsplinter Up! All Night: Heartaches by the Number

breaking up is hard to do

Everybody gets their heart broken at one time or another. Everybody gets dumped or otherwise loses love. Everybody hurts, sometime.

Music is the art best suited to the expression of this universal condition. The lament, the Blues, the torch song, the chest-beating high-school cafeteria “why me” ballad. For some strange reason, these make us feel better. Maybe by giving voice to the pain, and maybe by allowing us to share our own pain by singing through tears while you’re driving in the rain after picking up your stuff from Lizzy O’Connor’s* place and she didn’t even keep those mixtapes that you lovingly crafted to declare your deepest feelings and all these decades later she still owes you $150 plus the price of those tickets for the concert of that group who sucked but she loved and told you she really, really wanted to go and like a chump you got the tickets from a scalper and she took a quaalude and passed out on the way home and all you could do is drop her off at home and have her roomate help her into bed while you drove home and smoked a bowl and felt like a jerk.

So, I want to know: what are the songs that tell the story of your pain? The holidays are upon us and we know how that goes for a lot of us. Sadness, isolation, reruns of JINGLE ALL THE WAY, and the certainty that everyone else is having a perfect Christmas and getting Lexus SUVs wrapped in a fucking bow like that’s actually supposed to be something people do.

Our country cousins do heartache better than most.

We all handle heartache differently.

Rev Al can always make me feel better. He can make heartache sound damn sexy, too.

It is said that “a problem shared is a problem halved” (probably said by someone who never had an STD). So let’s get it all out of our systems, have a good cry and take solace in the fact that we have each other and that Lizzy O’Connor* went on to marry a real jerk who ended up cheating on her with his own cousin and now she tries to flirt with you on Facebook, and remember THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING DEADSPLINTER AND DUAN, and I’m not crying you’re crying.

* not her real name, but if you know me, you know who I’m talking about.

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18 Comments


  1. *nods*
    thats pretty accurate
    or at least was back when i gave a fuck…nowadays its closer to this

    • *shrugs*
      sometimes love dies

      but live goes on….

  2. I think this is one of the most heartbreaking songs I’ve ever heard. It doesn’t help that I saw The Band a couple of times with the guy who broke my heart. Over and over again, I’m a slow learner. 

    The Band – It Makes No Difference

     

     

  3. When I was in high school it was like this:

     
    When I was in college it was like this:

     
    When I got divorced it was like this:

     

  4. That Al Green song would’ve been my top contender. But there’s plenty more. 
     
    UB40 – Don’t Break My Heart
     

     
     

  5. This one is a heart breaker 

     

  6. I’m always reminded of a certain college breakup when I hear this for some reason.
     

     
     
    Dated a fellow crew member on a show – a bit of a nudge – this was the theme for that breakup.
     

     
     
     

  7. This song is in the vein of that header image (don’t break up this way)
     

  8. I always start out … What the Heart Looks Like When it’s Hot
     

    next thing I know … The Suffering
    I saw the stars in your eyesAnd I knew it was puppy school love(…)You saw the twinkle in mineThen we both knew it was time to hold our breath(And run and get committed)We got lost in a sea of love and lustWith a galaxy of trust(We were soon committed)To each other like a mussel in a clamTo the movies to the mall glued together hand in handAnd we walked and ran through lovelandEverything was fineUntil my baby took me for my very last dimeBang, bang, shoot me deadThought my baby loved me but I’d been misleadMy, my she sucked me dryNow the little missus wants to say bye byeOnce I was a kingNow I’m wrapped around her finger like a diamond ringThe engagement ring, the wedding ringThe church bells ringAnd the suffering

     
     

  9. and then we get this…
     

     

  10. Pro-tip: if you don’t change your name when you get married, you don’t have to change it back when you get divorced.

  11. This one sums it up pretty well, I think😆🤣

     
    I mean, I’d love something more on the order of some of my favorite ‘Jovis😉….



     
    But the reality here is much more….this i guess🙃;

     
    And still working toward something like this most of the time, too, tbh.

    • Those are going in the playlist.  Thanks, Lemmy.

      • Their whole first album has a lot of great stuff on it.  Believe it or not, when I saw them in the 80’s The Black Crowes were the opening act.

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