There are many of us who won’t be finding our way home this holiday, whether home means a physical place, or means the people (and pets) which embody home for you. For some of us, the people who once represented home are no longer with us, and we are becoming the representation of home for younger generations. For others, home means learning to be at peace with yourself and by yourself, but holiday expectations can make it difficult to keep balanced. Will you be finding your way home this week? What is home for you?
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The concept of “home” for me will always be my grandparents’ home. I never lived with them, but it represented everything that comes with the idea of “home”: stability, love, safety, fun, etc. They died 11/12 years ago, so now there’s nobody home.
Peter Gabriel – Home Sweet Home
I’ve been away too long but I’m always Home in the Islands
No matter where I live, Chicago is my home and I can’t go there because of the pandemic.
Chet Baker – You Can’t Go Home Again
Home is anywhere you hang your head
And tonight, Daddy’s home.
Home is being with a handful of my friends. I can’t see them this year, but them’s the breaks.
Much of my family Christmasses were a mix of fun and adults getting drunk and screaming at each other. So there was that mix of optimism “this year will be better!” and then well the usual adults screaming at each other.
Thanks to various deaths and the subsequent family implosions, for about 15 years Christmas has been just me and my parents. Which makes it hard to feel like it’s different than any other family dinner, and there’s some forced gaiety from my parents which makes me uncomfortable.
Long and the short of it, Christmas for me involves planning decompression time in case things with the parents stress me the fuck out or I just get depressed about thinking of all the folks who are no longer with me. I’ll be honest, there’s some classic Christmas songs that I just start crying if I hear them. (“I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams” in particular will turn on the waterworks)
Also this year is really frustrating because people are acting like it’s the end of the fucking world to not get a giant family event and how depressing it’s going to be to not have all their big parties and huge events yadda yadda yadda and I’m like “hey fuckers that’s my every year, thanks for shitting on my life.”
tl;dr I’ve very well-adjusted and not at all touchy and emotional about holidays
@BrighterSideOfLife, I figure that those missed events seem like a great loss because they remain in the idealized imagined version…the reality may be lacking?
@elliecoo I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Everyone ALWAYS thinks that THIS Christmas will be wonderful.. soft-focus, warmth and love, Norman Rockwell and Hallmark-style, with a perfect tree and all handmade gifts, food that is delicious AND beautiful, etc. In reality, someone(s) gets drunk, someone argues politics or sulks because they didn’t get what they wanted, kids cry, a plate gets dropped, the cat knocks over the tree… and some years, all that and more happens! But this year, it COULD be perfect, and we’re missing that possibility.
That’s where my whole point of reference got skewed as a kid because the holidays at my grandparents’ house WAS all those great things. It really was the idealized version of Christmas. So, when my family moved away, Christmas immediately went from perfect to garbage because my immediate family is a trainwreck. A few years after that I started getting used to spending Christmas alone. In fact, I was spending all the holidays alone so I was doing my best to treat them like any other day. So, my primary problem was that I had that great Christmas/holiday experience growing up and then had to figure out how to deal with what is common to a lot more people as a young adult. I still miss those celebrations, but after 30 years I’ve finally developed some degree of perspective so it’s not so tough anymore. This Christmas will just be the two of us and that will be fine.
I make my own soft focus.
My current home is not too bad either…
Home is me and the missus, plus two dogs. So not much different for us, although with my parents advancing in age, it bothers me not to have the opportunity to see them. But my honest preference is to see them any time other than the holidays, because there’s fewer people and fewer distractions. So I’m just being kinda whiney. I like my holidays quiet to the point of being meditative.
Ulrich Schnauss – A Letter From Home
Oh my goodness, yes to the Ulrich Schnauss! Thank you for sharing…this takes me back to my student days in London, and seeing the nu gaze scene unfold around me.
For me it’s my family. There’s a bunch of us. As much as they frustrate me, Christmas is always going to be spending time with those people. This year, though, my parents are gone and the pandemic has pretty well splintered us. So it’s going to be me, my wife, and my daughter on Christmas.
I have to say, I’m looking forward to it. No rushing through presents because we’ve got an hour drive and people are waiting. No hauling food around in thermal carriers to try to keep it warm. No worrying about arguments between my sisters, my nieces, or anybody else (It’s always my sisters and nieces). We’ll open our presents, and the kid and I will probably spend the rest of the day playing video games. Sounds heavenly.
Fuck. My little sister just called. “Can you come over on Christmas Day?” Goddammit.
Now you know why the Grinch is my hero.
I’ve been thinking about home a lot. I lost someone a few months ago who had been home for me when I was young. Literally, in that, I had the key to his house and my own room there when I needed it, sometimes staying months at a time. And emotionally, he was there for me when others weren’t. I miss you, Zee.
Chastity Belt – Time To Go Home
@Hannibal hugs to you. Deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences…it sounds like Zee was one of your anchor people, I am sorry for your great loss.
Thank you @Elliecoo. He was like a big brother to me. More of one than my real brother was.
U2 – “It’s Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)”
This one feels a bit keener this year, yeah. . . .
My extended family has accepted that it is just going to have to be Christmas in July.
Come Home- OneRepublic & Sara Bareilles
Get Home- Bastille
That first FYC album was fantastic.
I go back and forth on this group, but here we go for now.
“Home is whenever I’m with you”
I never much got along with my family. I tried to live up to all the cultural expectations and what not, but just could never quite do it well enough. Eventually I attempted to draw my boundaries, and after repeated violations/failures, just up and cut them out of my life. I didn’t realize how bad the situation was until I managed to extricate myself from it…
Anyways, as much as I dislike wearing hats, I think I subscribe to the “Home is where you hang your hat” idea. Except maybe switching out hat for work boots, or bag or whatever. More or less, home is where I crash and keep my stuff.
Most notable holidays from memory, were a couple I spent with friends in college, and a couple a bit later when I had housemates, but they were out of town, so I got the house to myself and just geeked out watching anime and playing computer games (simultaneously!) at whatever hours, and drinking way too much for a week or so…
Nowadays, I’m not much for either holidays, tradition, or decoration, so I mostly just appreciate it if I can get some time off, and get some more sleep and slacking in…
As to music…
The White Stripes, There’s No Home for You Here:
The title doesn’t quite match, but I think this is somewhat relevant:
Jethro Tull, Back to the Family: