Deadsplinter UP! All Night: Take It Personally

I told my mom about this site. Maybe I shouldn’t have? But it got to the point that I had to explain why I’ve been so busy…or to be more honest, another excuse for not being capable of being the person I should have been for so many years.

A friend of mine used to link this song to me quite frequently:

I never really listened to it, but when I asked why she kept linking it to me, she responded, “because it’s you talking to yourself.”

Then she linked this to me saying, “remind you of anyone?”:

It turned out that I had spent the majority of my life completely unaware of the fact that literally everything about me was “one significant sign of trauma after another.” Since that was brought to my attention, I feel that I’m closer to becoming the person I should have been all along; I’m capable of feeling emotions or, more specifically, capable of showing them again.

I was an affectionate child who loved his mom. I’ve always been that child; I never grew up. I’ve just been this sort of emotionless robot ever since. But (and here is a message to my mom in song titles, but not song lyrics):

and it’s been a

but,

and

Thank you all for your continued support of Deadsplinter. This is mentioned in every DUAN, but I sincerely want to thank the DUAN community and the DUAN Discographers for accepting us fellow refugees. Getting to know one another through private messages, emails, and especially through music has been amazing. All of the right/left open-minded discussions, recipe sharing, hockey talk, and much more, has been so much fun.

Thank you for making me feel like I can be myself or at least be accepted here while I try to figure out who that is.

You all really:

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About myopicprophet 135 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.

41 Comments


  1. What I feel like this past week.


    What I feel like today. Had a good interview. Best one in almost 4 months.


    Why? Because I love this song.

    • You can never go wrong with The Hip! Congrats on the interview. That is good news considering what is going on:

      • Wrong nautical disaster, this is my favorite Tragically Hip tune

  2. You know what, DUAN does give me that happy feeling!

  3. Excellent stuff. We should all feel comfortable in our skin, but that’s hard a lot of the time. Letting yourself feel emotions is a huge part of it. When I was growing up, my mother was always saying “don’t get so excited” about pretty much everything. It meant don’t show emotions. That’s apparently uncouth. A throwback to the Victorian era. Those values lingered for generations. Finally I realized, why shouldn’t I get fucking excited if I feel excited? That freed up a lot of growth for me.

    Odetta (Live) – Hit or Miss

    • When i was a kid being loud, or causing any kind of scene were the worst things you could do in public. Even if it was being excited about something good. I had a big, dramatic personality so I was frequently an embarrassment to my mother. And a disappointment, and, well, I think that’s enough. Y’all get the idea.
      Martha Wainwright – Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole

  4. DUAN is full of smart, witty, and kind people. People brave enough to share themselves and to admit to being a work in progress. (Me too.) Thanks to all who make this possible, you and this site mean a lot to me.

  5. You’re a good man myo.

    Martha Wainwright – Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole

  6. We’re all beat up, tore down, and with luck, still standing. I’m grateful that I can participate in DUAN and more grateful that I have contact – however small – with you exceptional people. It improves the odds.

  7. Been informed of my robotic tendencies at times as well.

    • OMG I finally know a TV reference! I know this song from a Criminal Minds episode in which a young boy is worried that he is going to become a serial killer as a result of his fantasies. I just pulled a Jake!

  8. Thank you for sharing, Myo, and here’s to wishing that you have a Lovely Day.

  9. It’s a weird thing to lose sight of yourself after trauma and then start to see glimpses again. It’s like meeting someone new, who seems really familiar.
    Also, how do I post a song in a reply? I have never done this here, and I see no clues.

  10. I haven’t been posting around here as much as I’d like to. I haven’t had as much free time as I used to, but it’s all for a good reason. I’m still lurking, will comment when I can, and maybe even throw up the occasional post. But I want to say it again – I appreciate all of the work you’re all doing here, and I’m glad this community exists.

  11. …I think at the end of the day we’re all of us a little fucked up in our own way…there’s a good philip larkin poem about that I could maybe get around to a rhymes with post about sometime…but…well…leonard cohen said it better

    …& sometimes a little arrested development isn’t such a bad thing?

    …at least not here among the common people

    • They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
      They may not mean to, but they do.
      They fill you with the faults they had
      And add some extra, just for you.

      But they were fucked up in their turn
      By fools in old-style hats and coats,
      Who half the time were soppy-stern
      And half at one another’s throats.

      Man hands on misery to man.
      It deepens like a coastal shelf.
      Get out as early as you can,
      And don’t have any kids yourself

      -P. Larkin

      • …that’s the one… personally I like to set it beside “the importance of elsewhere” & I think I can make a case for it being less pessimistic than it seems at first glance…but either way it’s a classic for a reason

  12. Thank you for sharing and of course for all your hard work.

    I can’t understand the majority of the lyrics but this sounds a lot like being a robot.

  13. Just got back from a trip so a little late to the game…Aquabats – BFF!

  14. I don’t know about you, myo, but when I started to emerge from that robotic state and actually allowed myself to feel and express how I felt, I went straight to anger. I was like a 15-year old kid who had just been handed the keys to a six-speed Ferrari. Woah, woah, WOAH, WOAH! All over the place. But, eventually, practice made better. Now I’m like a 49-year old who has just been handed the keys to a six-speed Ferrari. Yeah, yeah, YEAH, YEAH!

    The Rolling Stones – Emotional Rescue

    • when I started to emerge from that robotic state and actually allowed myself to feel and express how I felt, I went straight to anger.

      This is where I am. This is exactly where I am. It’s like every emotion at once and I’m angry at myself and the world and everything.

  15. im a pretty cold fish..to the point people think im autistic sometimes… but well…i wasnt the most savoury character before and my true colours lost me a couple jobs over the years..sooo…its just my grumpy old shell ive grown over the years
    im actually a pretty manic bigmouth that gets waaaay to excited about stuff (i think it sometimes shows on the weekend DUANs lol)

    song doesnt really have anything to do with anything…its just that all the facemasks everywhere put me in the mood for industrial dance

  16. Thanks to All of Y’all for creating this refuge, and especially to you, Myo, for all your hard work!😉😁💖💞💓

    My choices for tonight;

    The ‘Jovi for that😉;

    And one of my faaaaaaaavorite songs to listen to & sing along with when I’m in a bad mood, because you can scream along, and swear, *AND* if you listen to the bass line of the song, much of it actually has a nice, steady, slow (nearly “resting heartbeat”) 4/4 rhythm to it😉😁🤗
    (Which calms me EVERY time😃);

    • Do you google for relatable Bon Jovi songs or are you actually their number one fan?

      • I typically *do* have a song in mind (if you’ve noticed, most of the songs i post are off of New Jersey, Keep the Faith, and Circle–the albums I know best… but yes, sometimes I need to google, because I can’t allllways think of one immediately–although for this one, it was mostly because I can’t always remember which cut on the album the lyrics I’m thinking of are from😉

        But, yeah, I’ve been listening to Bin Jovi since… 1986 or so? And back then I only had 3-4 tapes (the Stones, Steppenwolf, and Slippery When Wet, then New Jersey…. so I DO know most of the songs by heart😉🤣

  17. …there’s part of me to whom he’ll always be this guy?

    • Ha! The *first* of the many “country,” ‘Jovi songs😉

      And DAAAAYYYYYUUUUM, EVERYONE’s hair… and those (atrocious!) clothes😳🥴🤣, and HO-LEEEE Shit,ALEC was still part of the band in *that* video….😮

      Obviously I’ve *listened* to the boys MUCH more often than I’ve seen any videos😉

      …but if you liked the mood of that one, I’d suggest the Album Jon did for Yound Guns 2–Emilio asked for Dead or Alive for the soundtrack, and instead Jon wrote a whole album of songs.

      Annnndddd because Jon is Jon, and *entirely* incapable of writing songs for Bon Jovi, even when he *isn’t* singing with Bon Jovi (😆😂🤣🤣🤣)…
      In that album, you get Randy Jackson & others on bass, rather than Alec and/or Hugh McDonald, Elton John & Little Richard on Keyboards, rather than Dave, and google tells me, these folks, too, on guitar & drums (Kenny Aronoff), rather than Richie and Tico:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blaze_of_Glory_(Jon_Bon_Jovi_album)

      **also, as a ‘Jovi fan since tweenhood, I WILL say that I am still bummed that Rich left the group.
      Because no matter *HOW* good the replacement guitarist(s) is/are, the band never sounds quite *right* without Richie’s playing. It’s also noticeable in the vocals, because Rich & Jon just harmonize *so* well together. But it’s even noticeable (to ME anyway!), in just the instrumental parts of the song… like Slash, Eddie, and plenty of the other “greats,” there’s something really distinct about Richie’s technique, which I can’t *describe,* but that I can *hear* & that is crystal clear in it’s absence.

      And none of the replacements have ever been able to duplicate Richie’s…”flow”(?) of notes, no matter *how* technically proficient they might be at playing the catalog. That’s the main reason I haven’t gotten the albums after What About Now–the albums without Richie just sound “flatter,” and not fully fleshed out–no matter HOW great a guitarist Phil X is😕

      • Google found me this, and it’s a REALLY good example of what I hear differently about Phil’s & Rich’s playing styles.

        If you listen closely to the second “Always” solo Richie does, it’s CLASSIC Bon Jovi guitar, all the little notes tripping up & down excruciatingly cleanly, but melding together into a fabric of sound…. and Rich’s guitar/amp is TUNED so absolutely tightly, that EVERY.single.note is able to be heard as distinct & different than the next one he plays.

        Now, Phil’s second Always solo *may* honestly be having some sound-quality issues, too, because to ME, the guitar/amp sounds muddy AS HELL.

        But *ignoring* that… Phil’s playing technique is simply not as tight as Richie’s, and you can HEAR it, if you listen closely. There are notes Rich plays in his solo (i.e. ones that trip back “up” a bit, after the main notes arc down), that it seems like Phil literally either can’t *hear,* or (i personally suspect) he simply can’t get the fingering for *fast enough* to play them.

        Because if you listen to Phil’s play in general, he’s a… “heavier” guitarist. His fingers just “thud” a bit more on the strings, where Richie can tap & trip his fingers around in a lighter manner.

        And that finger dexterity is what seems to me, makes it REALLY discernible (to me anyway!) in a song when Phil plays it, vs. when Richie does…

        And AS someone who’s listened to the band for more than 30 years now, my brain will literally “jar” a bit when listening to the Phil version of a song.

        Because my brain will start to try to mentally calculate the additional notes in quiet places of the song, where Richie would’ve fit “just a little more sound” in… if that makes any sense?

        Like, I can almost *hear* the notes which are “missing” had it been recorded by a Richie-d Bon Jovi, vs. a “Richie-less” Bon Jovi😉

        ETA, forgot my link!:

        • …thanks for that…I definitely learned a thing or two

          …although I admit that I might be familiar already with the young guns II soundtrack…in fact, I think I might have to make blaze of glory my pick for tonight’s DUAN?

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