Did The FBI Just Decide What Happens Over Two Years From Now in November 2024?

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I Would Never Have an Affair With My Much Younger Employee

Hi, I’m David Broke, and I just heard the news about the unprecedented action by the FBI to search the home of ex-president Donald Trump. Whoa, unprecedented, is that really smart? Maybe it is, I’m just asking questions here. Is there any way to know if Trump is even capable of doing something to trigger this? It really wouldn’t be fair for me to even look at his history.

But one thing I do know is that rushing to judgment is terrible. Sometimes. Jumping to conclusions based on no evidence whatsoever is totally fair when I think it’s right. For instance, did you know that the January 6 hearings failed? One smart guy decided that before they even began and didn’t bother to follow up to admit he might have been wrong. Why would he?

And now the FBI has raided Mar a Lago. Do we know whether this is based on a long trail of public actions by the federal government to recover classified documents taken by Trump? Do I have any way of knowing if Trump has a history of blabbing about top secret information? I sure have no idea. Reading stuff is work, and I’m busy blaming America’s problems on a sandwich. Or secretly raising money for my own nonprofit from people I write about. Or leave out of my columns. Funny how that works.

Now, I could draw a straight line from Trump’s past to conclude that even more damning information will continue to explode into view and erode his support, and that the Mar a Lago raid is just one step along the way. Instead, I think I’ll just imagine based on no evidence whatsoever what will happen over two years from now.

That’s right. I’m saying the FBI has ensured what will happen in November 2024 – the Ohio Cavaliers will win the World Series. Possibly. But definitely a strong likelihood for sure.

Now, I am clueless about sports, so I may be confused a bit about what sport gets played then, or what the name of the base-ball team in that state out there is. I guess I could look it up, but since I have a fraught relationship with researchers who have worked for me, that sounds like too much work.

But one thing is clear — rushing to judgment is bad, except when I feel like it, in which case it’s fine to ignore all evidence and just jump to conclusions.

David Broke is definitely not a thought leader who writes for a non-self absorbed paper which never deserves any criticism by some people who probably slow down the line for sandwiches with Italian names at the Union Square Greenmarket. OK, it seems crazy to worry about Italian sandwich names, but think of all of those vowels. Who can say all of them right? Just one more opportunity for people who want to shame Broke and don’t want him drawing money on the sly from the Aspen network. Anyway, Broke can best be described as a parody of a serious thinker.

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7 Comments

  1. None of this shit would be “unprecedented” if Ford hadn’t pardoned Nixon.  It still baffles me that so many people today still defend that decision as “the best thing for healing the nation.”  Bullshit.  All it really did was put right out in the open the reality that as long as you have enough power and connections, the rules don’t apply to you.  Ford should have reneged on his agreement with Nixon, and let that fucker twist in the wind.  We wouldn’t have had nearly the same problems down the road with Reagan, Clinton, Dubya and Trump.

  2. I remember David Broke’s sandwich column as if were yesterday, probably because 100 people forwarded it to me and we all talked about it for at least a month. But I have what I imagine to be the inside scoop. There was a Dean & DeLuca on the first floor of the Times building. That’s an upscale grocery/takeout/limited seating mini-chain that keeps going bankrupt and then being revived. It was big in the 80s. I’m sure he took his guest there, and she was flummoxed.

    Interestingly, the other half of the Times building’s first floor is occupied by Schnipper’s, which as far as I know is still there. That’s an upscale burger/salads place, also with takeout if you want, and with some seating. If it’s not a chain it sure feels like one. It’s interesting that he didn’t take her there, which leads me to think that he has a Latina friend. “Friend.” Or it could have been his second wife, his “research assistant” that he left his first wife for, they got married in 2017, the year the sandwich column was originally published. But I’m guessing it wasn’t, because a research assistant would know what a pomodoro is, I should think.

    Nearby, same side of the avenue, a block south, is yet another takeout restaurant with some eating, a Mexican place called Blue Maiz. It’s essentially one step up from a Chipotle, and I bet that’s where they went.

    If you want to recreate David Broke’s culinary journey and discover for yourself how America divides itself by class using upscale takeout restaurants on one the most horrendous stretches of Manhattan as your observation field, the D&D is definitely closed, Blue Maiz is still there, and I think Schnipper’s is too. While on your tour, you can greet the migrants Gov. Abbott is shipping to New York (Port Authority is right across the street from the NYT building) or tour one of the many, many homeless shelters and methadone clinics in the area. That stretch also is notable for one of the last XXX-emporium with viewing booths left in the Times Square area, and New York’s only Arby’s (not recommended). There’s also a Duane Reade that gets pillaged regularly and not by people trying to feed their hungry families; no, it is a choice location for those taking advantage of our lax bail laws to grab as much as they can, unmolested of course, and resell to bodegas in their own neighborhoods or on eBay.

     

    • Amazing how that column still has legs, sort of the way a half-squished millipede still has legs.

      And I can absolutely imagine him writing this as a backdoor way to hassle the sandwich place manager for refusing to name a sandwich after him.

      • Dean & DeLuca’s didn’t name their sandwiches after anyone, and they certainly wouldn’t have done it for someone like David Broke. Interestingly, Better Half once took me to a very Dean & DeLuca’s-type place on Beacon Hill in Boston called DeLuca’s, but I don’t think they’re related.

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