Driver Ticks That Make Me Crazy [NOT 25/6/22]

25/6/22 ManchuCandidate 30

Here are things that make me start to see red when I’m driving:

  1. People who change lanes, pass to get in front of me, change back into my lane AND THEN SLOW DOWN. What’s the goddamn point? Are you trying to be a road troll?
  2. People who cut me off by doing a right turn into my lane AND THEN DRIVE SLOWLY. I don’t like it if they drive fast either, but I’m a little less angry because I’m assuming they’re in a rush. Otherwise it just means you’re rather the inconsiderate/impatient dickhead.
  3. People who sit on a green or advanced green. I’m sure the rest of us who have nowhere to go will patiently wait as you make a decision your highness.
  4. People who get twitchy on the brake and keep hitting it for no apparent reason. Your fears are scaring the shit out of me too.
  5. People who accelerate when you’re trying to pass them. Seriously, I don’t want to know how small your penis is. Just let me pass and you can show everyone else behind me.
  6. People who get into the merge lane to try and jump in front of everyone else.
  7. Folks who decide to go slow in the passing lane.
  8. Folks who like to tuck into your blind spots and then keep pace.
  9. Folks (usually driving pickups mostly) who don’t care if you’re in the lane and just move into your lane to force you out of the way.

A little bit of consideration for others goes a long way. My mom used to tell me that we have accommodate everyone… she has a point, but I don’t want to be in an accident.

Special thanks to everyone who had to edit my posts because I was too oblivious to put the images in the Featured Image section as well as myo who didn’t call me a fucking idiot (I don’t blame him if he did) when he realized what I had done.

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30 Comments

  2. OMG this is such a great post. I hate everyone but me who drives because I am the only one who knows how. Everyone makes fun of me because whilst driving with passengers I complain so much that I teach my passengers how to drive by explaining what everyone else on the road/street/highway are doing wrong.

    @megmegmcgee fair warning

    • Myo my friend, sometimes I swear you must be a relative of mine…

      Because I do the SAME goddamned thing about explaining the asshat drivers (WITH plenty of swear words!😉😆😂🤣)

      See also: Yelling at dumbass drivers.

      Most commonly used phrases;

      “SIGNAL FIRST, then brake, asshole!”

      And

      Put the phone down, ya jackass!

  3. A few years ago when I was a passenger on a long ride on an Interstate where the exits are few and far between, I decided to take note of every driver who dawdled in the passing lane to see if I could find any pattern.

    I was surprised that in this sample (a small one, I admit) that there was, in fact, no pattern.

    Out of all of those dolts who happily cruised in the passing lane at the speed limit or just above or below, completely oblivious to all of the cars stacked up behind them, and the people gunning it to pass them on the right and then cut back left, they seemed to be a perfect cross section of everyone else.

    Age, gender, race, make and style of car, it didn’t seem to matter. I decided there is just an oblivious, unconcerned type that is out there who never seems to follow the basic rule of plug along on the right and pass on the left.

  4. There are only two types of drivers besides myself:

    -assholes (those that drive slower than me)

    -fucking maniacs (those that drive faster than me)

    I am an offensive driver because the best defense is a good offense.

     

    • i miss having a car

      being surrounded by assholes and maniacs is much less fun on two wheels

      signed…psychotic window banging cyclist

      *cant say it aint cathartic hurling profanities at all around me tho….

    • After reading that (HILARIOUS!)article, I have to presume that nearly all MSP Lexus owners listen to Joy FM on their satellite radio systems!

       

      Because seriously y’all, around here, the Lexus folks are for some unknown reason, typically the literal worst drivers we have!🙃

    • Best (terrible!!!) use of a turn signal i ever saw, was as a passenger while my college roommate was driving us out by the West Acres mall, up in Fargo, back in the mid ’90’s…

      We were approaching the stoplight-headed straight through-and juuuust as *we* got even with the beginning of the left-turn lane, the car ahead of my roommate’s car–who had their left-turn signal ON-and HAD entered the left turn lane

      Suddenly hit their RIGHT TURN SIGNAL, careened across all FOUR (FIVE?) LANES, in the last 50 feet of road, and made a RIGHT TURN!!!

      MULTIPLE cars had to slam on their brakes to stop themselves from hitting the asshat–and everyone in my roommate’s car damn near had a heart attack that day, at the age of 20-21!😆😂🤣🤣🤣

  8. Of course, I’m NEVER a bad driver… HAHAHAHA.  I’ve had my moments where I’ve clearly been the asshole.

    I’ve had two accidents. One where I was at fault (rear ended someone) and the other where I wasn’t (old fellow did an illegal left hand turn right in front of me.)

    I’d classify myself as an asshole aggressive driver who tells everyone slower than me to get the fuck out of my goddamned way. I don’t view driving as a leisurely drive from A to B, but more of a combat mission to get through and make it home alive.

    Nowadays, I’m more patient than I was in my 20s-30s (getting older.)

    One thing my driving instructor/drill sgt/dad encouraged (yelled mostly at) me was to see the road in my mind and keep track of everyone within at least 5-10 car lengths. That keen spatial/situational awareness which has kept me alive for almost the 40 years I’ve been behind the wheel.

    • best way to become a safe aware driver..is to be a cyclist/motorbike rider first

      knowing you are the softest thing on the road leaves an imprint you dont shake once you get in a car

  9. My top one is your #2, with a twist: When they turn right in front of me, drive slowly, AND THERE’S NOBODY BEHIND ME. Waiting 3 seconds wouldn’t have inconvenienced them at all, but no, they gotta fuck with me.

    Blind spot drivers are my number 2.

    #3 is people who brake for green lights. There’s this type of fearful, terrified driver that can’t seem to manage to cruise through an intersection with green lights — they brake and slow WAY down. Sort of like your number 4, which I also hate, but a specific subset. God, I hate them.

    #4 is texting when the light turns green. I will blow the goddamn horn so fast …

    I can get away with that shit, though. I drive a pickup truck with a toolbox on the back, and everyone assumes I’m armed. Not true, but it comes in handy.

  12. If there is enough room for people to turn right when you are going straight you stop as far left as possible so people can do so. Otherwise you’re a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to exist.

    • Also, if the vehicle in front of you *has* taken the far left of the lane, and you have your right-turn signal on, AND there *isn’t* a “No Turn on Red” sign?

      MAKE THE GODDAMNED *TURN* MOTHERFUCKER!!!

      Don’t wait for the green light, when ALL the cars on Hennepin Avenue have now driven past the intersection, and we’re staring at nothing from the left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Not that ^that^ ever happens, or anything…

       

      😉

  13. The number 1 thing that makes me crazy about other people’s driving is impatience. Just… chill. Unless you are literally going to an emergency, just calm the hell down out there! I’ve seen more accidents caused by impatience than just about anything else except my number 2 annoyance… cell phones. The number of people I see on video calls or texting or Facebooking WHILE DRIVING is just insane.

    I’m no angel, I have days when I want to run over that sweet old guy going 5 under the speed limit, but damn. Honking at me and passing on the shoulder because 10 miles OVER the speed limit isn’t good enough for you (happened a couple weeks ago)? Just calm the hell down. Walmart can wait the extra 2 minutes, I promise.

     

    In other news… my youngest kid generously helped to take my mind off the dystopian hellscape we’re living in today. It was hard to worry about the state of the union while I was worrying about him possibly having internal bleeding from attempting to do tricks on his buddy’s BMX bike. No joke, though… we spent about 4 hours in the ER because he jumped off a ramp and somehow managed to come down on the end of the handlebar with his belly. Everyone was seriously concerned because of where the injury was (lower right side, just inward of the hip bone) and he had to have a CT scan and all kinds of fun tests. In the end, they determined that it’s just intensive bruising, muscle strain, and possibly a small muscle tear. He was sent home with instructions to ice, rest, and stop being an idiot. I’m pretty sure I aged about 10 years since this morning.

  15. i hate the crawlers….you know the ones….will they go…wont they go…creepy crawley into the intersection…until you are sure they will let you pass….then they go!

    BANZAI MOTHERFUCKER!

  16. Aside from the ^abovementioned^ peeves, my others are;

    1. I am leaving a cushion of at least 1.5-2 carlengths *at speed,* because we ARE at speed, so DON’T suddenly cut into said cushion, unless you WANT this vehicle in your rear seat!

    And

    2. If you are driving one of those new pickup trucks with the obnoxiously bright LED headlights?!?

    When you are passing on my left, keep moving, and DON’T SLOW DOWN, TO RIDE IN WHAT *YOU* PERCEIVE AS MY BLIND SPOT!!!

    Because I am short, so my seat is pulled allllll the way up, and your goddamn *staring-directly-into-the-sun-at-NOON-on-the-solstice-bright-headlights are now blinding me, and giving me damn-near TOTAL night-blindness, via my left-sideview mirror.

    When you’re passing in the left lane, pass, don’t draft!!! You’re driving a gas-guzzler, but you chose that truck, so stop being a dick, and MOVE PAST-stop blinding people!

    (See also: the asshats in the same trucks who try to draft behind cars at night, and light up the whole car interior–brighter than said car’s dome lights can at night!🙃)

    Lastly:

    The scared winter drivers, who can’t ever seem to wrap their brains around the twin snow-driving concepts of “Get OFF the freeway, if you refuse to go above 30mph!” (In conditions that *do not* necessitate 30 mph or below, of course!)

    And *DO NOT* keep *randomly* tapping your brakes, because you are scared of driving in snowy/icy conditions!!!

    You will cause the accident you’re scared of, because you’re going to hit the icy patch mid-braking and spin out, as you death-grip the wheel!🙄🙃🥴

     

  17. Late to the hate parade… I hate when people make dangerous maneuvers like crossing multiple lanes at the last minute to make an exit or suddenly brake and continue to drive at a snail’s pace while they compare street names/addresses to the gps on their phones. If you miss an exit or are lost, take the next fucking exit or pull over when it is safe to do so and reorient yourself. Don’t inconvenience the rest of the drivers with your ineptitude.

     

    • @HammerZeitgeist, YES to this!!

      Here in Mpls, (and I’d assume other places?) you can ALWAYS tell the folks who are “driving by googlemaps” and UNDERSTAND both how to *listen ahead to what the nice, annoying lady is saying* annnnd the folks who can’t understand the meaning of the word “Recalculating.”

      It gets REALLY interesting, out by my old exurb, at the MN ROAD test site.

      For everyone who lives in outstate MN, and needs to drive I-94 to the Cities?

      You KNOW about the road-research site on 94-west, out just past Albertville, and you know to look up, at the green lane arrows & red X’s from the equivalent of “a few blocks before it” so that you know which road is the “through road” and are planning accordingly.

      And you can TELL the “phone navigation” drivers–some of whom YES(!) don’t know the area, but who *also* SHOULD BE WATCHING THE ROAD as they drive…

      There are accidents there a few times a month–i’m honestly surprised sometimes that there aren’t more & worse wrecks(!!!), because–at the last minute when folks are using voice directions but *not* scanning the road ahead–you sometimes end up with bozos who apparently CAN’T follow the straight path of the cars ahead of themselves–at 70+ mph, if there aren’t any lane lines on the pavement…

      And ^those^ asshats inevitably shift SUDDENLY from the right lane, *directly* into the LEFT LANE, right where the diversion for the MN Road test strip occurs.

      The worst one I EVER saw, was one time when a former-roommate & i were commuting home. It was a gorgeous summer day, so traffic in the Left lane–as usual on a nice summer day–was going 80+…

      The Google-mapper was in the *RIGHT* lane, going 70+, when they got up to the split for the Test Strip–they obviously hadn’t been paying any attention, just listening to the spoken directions, and then followed the *SPOKEN* directions, rather than using their eyeballs!!!🙃😖🤯😱

      So they ended up suddenly cutting *directly* into the 80mph left-traffic lane, moving at *70mph*, then slammed their brakes in fear(!!!!!), while all the cars around them were moving with only about 1 car-length’s space between each other😳😳😳

      It was the WILDEST thing, that there wasn’t an accident that day!

      But somehow, when that dumbass steered left about 3 cars in front of us–cutting off that first left-lane vehicle? That car steered *immediately* onto the shoulder, around the idiot-driver, and *everyone* who’d been driving in-sync behind the first cut-off car, managed to do the SAME. A few cars–roommie included, had one or both left wheels drop off the edge of the pavement, onto the gravel edging–so a HUGE cloud of dust got kicked up…

      But after *we* were past (with MUCH swearing in those few seconds!), she and I both checked the rear view mirrors, and were astounded to see that *no one* had hit the dumbass–who was now properly back into the *right* lane, going somewhere around 55-60!

      Somehow, EVERYONE managed to split both lanes, get *around* the Google-mapper, and not kill or injure themselves or the dumbass!

      It was terrifying, and I’ll FREELY admit, that 1. If I had been the one driving us that day, I most likely would have crashed the car, rolled it as the wheels went off the road, or hit the idiot, because 1 car-length isn’t enough of a gap for my reflexes and 2. Instead of the “1.5 to 2 car lengths” I used to leave, as I approach the Test Strip, I now typically pace my vehicle so that there is ideally a space of 3-4 car lengths, as I get up to the split.

      Here’s a long-ish video of what they do, with the info learned out there;

      And this is some of the info they’ve learned out there, over the years;

      https://www.dot.state.mn.us/mnroad/nrra/current-research.html

      Apparently, there are/were two road research test sites in the US (from what I’ve been told, anyway!)–the one here, and there’s also one down in Illinois.

      Somehow I managed to drive through *both* before I learned** they aren’t something that EVERY state has a facility for!😆😂🤣

      (**When I saw the Illinois one, I realized exactly what it was, because I drove through the MN one multiple times a week. It was only months later, speaking with my uncle who used to travel the Midwest for a railroad, that I learned they were the *ONLY* sites in the US. 🤣)

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