Embarrassing Sentences [NOT 2/5/21]

2/5/21 brightersideoflife 5
clematis vine growing up a white trellis and covered in pink blooms
not the actual clematis plant. but similar enough to get the idea across

Hi, friends!

I’m trying to not focus on how tomorrow is Monday and it’s back to work. I’m in a plant group on facebook and clematis vines are starting to bloom in Missouri.

Which brought back an old memory of when I was in high school and my mom had a pink clematis vine on the back patio. We were in a condo complex, so everyone had close neighbors and the back yard area was basically like common ground and people were outside a lot for bbq, etc.

So, it’s a lovely spring day and folks had windows open. My dad steps outside. Mom and I are down a ways talking to a few neighbors. My dad has a booming voice.

The dumbass yells out “Oh, wow! (mom’s name), your chlamydia is in full bloom!”

My mom turns red and is explaining to the neighbor’s that he means the clematis vine and we then left.

Anyhoo, that sticks out in my memory decades later as a hilarious sentence fuck-up. You got any of your own that we can chuckle over?

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5 Comments

  1. I don’t have one that comes to mind but I’m going to share a story that Mrs. Butcher told me.

    She was a little girl and it was her father’s birthday.  There was a party with lots of people in attendance and he was opening his gifts.  One of the gifts was a furken, which is one of those small wooden ice buckets for parties with drinks.  Her father wasn’t entirely sure what it was and asked about it.  Mrs. Butcher helpfully pointed out that he had just been given a fricken. 

    “A what?”

    “A fricken, Dad.  You know, you’re always saying ‘fricken this’ and ‘fricken that.'”

    Needless to say, she brought the house down.

  3. My 3yr old loves books and I’m always trying to teach her to be kind to others. So I got a copy of A Sick Day for Amos McGee. It’s a story about an old man who is a caretaker at a zoo. One day he is too sick to go to work. Instead of him caring for the animals, they all come to visit him and take care of him. After our first read-through, she contemplated the pictures quietly for longer than her usual then looked at me with her serious face and said “We all have an Amos behind our vulvas.”
     
    I almost died. It was both hilarious and disturbing.

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