First things first: I’m running out of slack in my list of completed FYCE posts. Going through my grandmother’s recipes gave me a ton of slack—I was probably six or nine months out. But, the end arrives much sooner than we expect and I squandered my fortune. So I need to write up recipes for anything I can get my hands on. Hence this recipe from Mrs. Butcher’s placebo cookbook that I made for her.
A caveat before we get started: Not a caveat so much as a point which needs to be made. The “doctor” who wrote this bullshit cookbook doesn’t specialize in any form of dietary medicine. He’s a pulmonary specialist. But, as with so many scam artists, he tells desperate people that only he has found the secret to solving their problems. Of course, in order to receive the secret, one must purchase his non-FDA approved “supplements” (read: placebos), and buy his cookbooks which contain all kinds of foods that directly contradict each other for the purported effects he says they will produce. Not to mention the fact that most of the recipes, from a strictly culinary perspective, are hot garbage. Remember, kids, if you are doing internet searches for some health condition and then suddenly start getting emails claiming to provide exactly the miracle you are looking for—then it’s definitely a scam.
Here’s what you’ll need:
¼ Cup Butter
4 Cloves Garlic, smashed
1 Lg. Cauliflower, cut into florets
1 Cup Chicken or Vegetable Stock
½ tsp. Salt
½ Cup Romano Cheese, grated
This recipe uses an Instant Pot, which we got specifically because of this fucking cookbook. I literally use it for nothing else than the things Mrs. Butcher wants to eat from that book because we don’t otherwise have a pressure cooker. But, again, keep in mind that you don’t need a goddamned Instant Pot. Just learn how to cook and you’ll be fine.
Set the Instant Pot to sauté and melt the butter. Then add the garlic and sauté until fragrant.
Add the cauliflower, salt and stock.
Seal the Instant Pot and switch to pressure cook for five minutes. When the timer goes off, quick release the pressure, remove the lid, and let the cauliflower sit for another 5 minutes.
Strain the liquid into another container—you can use the broth for a soup if you like. Transfer the vegetables to a food processor. Add the Romano cheese and process until everything is smooth and creamy. If it looks like the mixture is getting too thick to process, add a little bit of the broth to smooth it out.
Serve as a side dish with some other garbage recipe from this garbage book.
If things get any worse, I’ll probably wind up doing a post on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.