Cousin Matthew’s Tingling Leg made this simple throwaway comment the other day:
“Um, Valentines. Spellcheck: “Vantines” is not a word, unless it’s what an obscure Dutch food product might be called?”
Unfortunately, I was bored and decided to run with it. Here, I present, my treatment of a joint Farcy and Cousin M FYCE.
Intro: Tonight we are making Vantines, a Dutch specialty consisting of rode bieten flavored stroopwafels. Perfect for a romantic evening with your faithful HUND, but perhaps not the missus.
Cousin Matthew: Back in nineteen dickety do, I used to make this for my ‘ever in the dark about my blogging proclivities’ partner in our 18th floor walk up in the little known ‘gayborhood’ of Boyyyzentown.
It was a gentrifying area then, but our friends would come from miles around to drink our Boozen. My then poor friend Clivus (now a hedge fund manager worth 1 billion dollars who has three ex-wives and one ex-husband but that’s a story for another day) couldn’t quite make it up all of those flights of stairs so we relocated the party to the 12th floor landing, where we set up a hot plate and the wafflen makker.
Farcy: THE RODE BIETEN is what I do to me kid after she done covered my countertop with the Stoopwafel banter I mean batter, but You knOw what I mean
Matthew: The party lasted til Tuesday and when Clivus finally departed with soon to be ex wife number one, after she stabbed him in the kidney for refusing to share his Vantines with her, even though I had made 8 dozen and there should have been enough but sadly the very first dog we had got into them and was poopin’ stroopen’ for a week and on the way to the vet I ran into my boyfriend’s new boss and had to explain why the faithful hound was shitting red ticker tape, but that’s a story for another day).
Farcy: is saying here to serve these with Heineken. don’t you twatwafels touch me beers
xo Meg
OMFG this is dead on and
absolutelyhystericalhow dare you make fun of my friends like this.Meg needs to do at least one parody post per week.
⭐️🤣⭐️🤣⭐️🤣⭐️🤣⭐️🤣⭐️🤣⭐️🤣⭐️🤣
Most excellent! You throw my kind of dinner parties. Although there’s not nearly enough wine. Maybe that’s what really pissed off the first Mrs. Clivus.
Fair point: next time, more wine!
I read this in pre-press and died laughing. May have snorted my cocktail, but that’s a stop for another day.
Meg beautifully combines affection and parody for a warm Valentines FYCE featuring Farscythe and Cousin M. Dear ones, you have been roasted, and possibly simmered in bearnaise.
If you do not have stroopies in your area, these are made by immigrant’s earning a living wage while learning English:
https://www.stroopies.com/
Why are the stroopies red though??? Are you trying to give your party guests red poopies as a special memento of the evening?
This was a HOOT, Meg!😉😂🤣💖💞💗
Although, with that Rode Bieten and Farscy part I gotta admit, I was expecting something a bit more…. bicycle & road-like…😆😁
Maybe a tale about roads jumping out to bite a poor bicyclist, and perhaps a
stolen(stollen?)…. borrowed mancover or two….’cuz after all, if the road eats one’s tires, ya might have to improvise some wheels…😉Maaaaaybe with a random/unexpected bucket of paint…
Or since it’s Valentine’s weekend, a bucket of chocolate syrup?
😉
@EmmerdoesNOTrepresentme
i got run over by a deer once….
that kind of encounter plays out very differently on two wheels than it does in a car
Ouch!!!! That sounds TERRIBLE!😬😬😬
Deer vs. Car can be pretty bad–but usually ends up harder on the deer… but I can’t even begin to imagine Deer vs. Cyclist, when I know that deer vs. Motorcyclist can end up terribly for the human involved!😳🥴
Glad you came through that one, my friend!💖💞💗
tbh…i dont think i even slowed it down much as it barrelled through…
ADAB!
(seriously tho…they are)
Lot of love in this post. Well done!
omg…i completely missed this lol
yep…sounds about right 🙂
I kid because I love.
Haha I didn’t get to this post until today but it’s amazing!