“Sounds delicious, Mattie! Tell us more.” Do not be put off by the name. It’s a delicious and simple Scottish smoked haddock chowder. I’m making it tonight (the day I’m writing this) for Meatless Friday. I had a feeling I’ve always been making an inauthentic E-Z Cullen Skink so before I started writing this I found a recipe from the BBC and sure enough, if you find yourself in Auld Reekie, an affectionate nickname for Edinburgh, my improv is what you’ll be served. Astonishingly there is no haggis involved. I was once at a Scottish pub here in New York and had the distinct pleasure of sampling haggis nachos. I was very, very drunk but that need not concern us here.

This recipe is for two. If you make a little too much it refrigerates pretty well but I’m not sure if I’d freeze it. If you don’t want to or don’t have enough of to make another bowl out of it, you can dip crackers in it as a snack.

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Smoked haddock fillets, preferably deboned. For us I get 1/2 lb. each, plus a little for the Ravenous Hound. But you know who I bet would really enjoy smoked haddock? Cats. If the haddock isn’t deboned that’s not a big deal, as you’ll see. If the haddock isn’t smoked I think it’s easy enough to smoke your own but I don’t know how.

2 cups of whole milk

2 cups half-and-half 

[The BBC uses only milk and less of it. Here I guess is where I cross the skink/chowder divide. Don’t use cream, that’s too much, and you’re on your way to making a haddock sauce which, while tasty and useful, is not what you want to make a meal of.]

2 tbs. butter

1 good-size onion, like the size of a fist, which you have diced (the onion, not your fist) 

An equivalent weight of potatoes as the haddock. If 1 lb. haddock, 1 lb. potatoes. Peel and cube these so they’re pretty small, like you would for clam chowder, like the width of a finger on all sides. The first time I re-created this Stateside the recipe I consulted said to mash the potatoes once you get to their part in the saucepan but that’s not what I remembered having and I think it would turn it into an unappetizing oatmeal-ish thing. Maybe it’s fed to children or the elderly in care homes this way?

A little more milk just in case

Some salt if you want but the haddock should be salty enough; it’s a saltwater fish. 

Some black pepper if you want but I often forget this. Not a lot.

I wouldn’t be tempted to throw anything else in, like garlic powder. The haddock should retain enough of its smokiness that if you add it your mouth will say, “Ooh boy, these two really don’t get along.”

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You do two things. You make the haddock and you make the chowder it’s going to go into. The BBC would have you do this in two different saucepans simultaneously but I don’t. It makes things go a little quicker but this is a fast recipe as it is.

In a large saucepan pour in the milk and the half-and-half and heat it until it comes to a simmer. Add your haddock fillets whole and let them cook for about 6 or 7 minutes. They should be tender but not falling apart. Watch them carefully because this is only a matter of a minute or less before you’ll see them pull apart. If they do all is not lost, as you’ll see.

Remove the fish from the saucepan with a slotted spoon and put it on some paper towel to dry off and cool. Pour the milk into something and hang onto it.

Wash out the pan and melt the butter over medium heat. Add the diced onion and cook for about 5 minutes. You don’t want them to be brown and certainly not crispy, but if that happens, you’ll live.

Pour in the milk you’ve saved and let that warm up. Add the potatoes and stir if necessary so they don’t all clump in one spot. Turn the heat down so this starts simmering. You do this for about 10 minutes. Stir occasionally so none of the liquid sticks to the sides or bottom of the pan. In the meantime, pull your haddock apart into small pieces. Look out for bones, and if your haddock isn’t deboned now is the time to do it, either with your fingers or with the pointy end of the smallest, sharpest knife you have. Put the haddock into the chowder and simmer for another minute or two. Add the salt and pepper here if you want. If you think the liquid has cooked down a little too much you can add a little more milk here. The “chowder” should be hot enough that a little milk won’t necessitate any further heating, but stir it in so it doesn’t form its own breakaway community. None of this running off to the New World like those nutty Pilgrim fanatics did.

When you’re done this is going to be piping hot and hopefully the milk hasn’t scalded. It really shouldn’t have as long as you’ve been only simmering. Let it cool for a little bit and pour into bowls. If you have oyster crackers top with those because they’re fun. You can also lightly crumble in some crackers. Saltines are good for this. Otherwise, a nice crusty baguette for dipping and soaking up the remains.