Food You Can Eat: Laziest Coconut Curry

This is vegan but it doesn’t have to be. It’s easy to make and follows no proper rules. Just throw whatever your heart desires into a pot et voilà!

Some might say, “myo, you’re supposed to put a lid on it for a certain amount of time and you really should add the ingredients at different times” but those people can put a lid on it themselves. I cater to only the laziest of people: myself.

Ingredients (use some, don’t use others…add different ones…up to you):

  • olive oil
  • 2 cans of coconut milk
  • 4 cups vegetable broth
  • (optional) 2 cups of water if you want more of a very good thing
  • 2 whole cloves (as in the spice)
  • 2 black cardamom pods
  • some or ten coriander seeds
  • lots of garlic powder
  • lots of onion powder but not as much as the garlic powder
  • hugely heaping half of what people call tablespoons when they’re clearly bigger than tablespoons of turmeric
  • an actual tablespoon of cumin powder
  • a couple pinches of fenugreek that you vaguely remember purchasing, but are certain you bought for a reason
  • one pinch of the ajwain, which you bought with the fenugreek
  • two heaping whatever you want of oregano…maybe three
  • 2 cups chopped blanched and frozen potatoes (if you’re too lazy to blanch and freeze potatoes perhaps pre-boil them while you’re measuring the half heaping non-tablespoons of other ingredients)
  • 1 cup sliced peppers (or frozen if you blanch and freeze pepper slices-measured to one cup in freezer bags, as I do)
  • 1 or 2 cups frozen chopped/sliced carrots (again with the blanching and freezing or buying frozen bit)
  • frozen green peas – lots
  • frozen corn – lots
  • frozen broccoli – some
  • frozen cauliflower – some
  • cubed firm tofu or dead carcass

Directions:

Put a HUGE pot on the stove at max heat and add the wet goods except the olive oil…and stir/whisk/whatevs.

While that is heating up:

  • pre-cook whatever you don’t have frozen because you’re clearly not lazy enough to “live the life”
  • lightly fry the tofu in olive oil so the edges brown (or if you’re using dead carcass perhaps longer so you don’t get e-coli or salmon-or-other-dead-carcass-ella)

While the tofu/carcass is heating up:

  • throw literally EVERYTHING ELSE into the pot
  • stir occasionally

Once it begins to boil, turn the heat down to simmer and add the tofu/dead disgusting carcass and stir. Let it simmer for – it doesn’t matter how long because you’re lazy and it’s already done ffs- an hour or so “for taste.”

*Cut the ingredients to a third (or less – use math) if you’re not meal-prepping*

As the saying goes…”whatever steams your broccoli.”

[Editor’s note: We are not steaming broccoli -it’s frozen- because we’re lazy!]

Freezes well and tastes better the next day with all of those yummy ingredients.

Serve with rice. If you’re really lazy, mix it with two cups of cooked rice prior to storing.

Add fresh cilantro if serving meg or butcher…with an avocado and lime wedge for spite.

Enjoy!

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About myopicprophet 127 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.

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