First things first:  Once upon a time, before iPhones and broadband internet, there was a viral email chain letter.  It was supposed to have come from a woman who got screwed out of paying $250 for a cookie recipe from Neiman Marcus.  She was so pissed about the transaction that she told the company she was going to send the recipe out to everyone she could think of, and ask them to pass the recipe along.  I still remember her exhortation to “Ride free citizens!”

The problem, of course, is that the story was bullshit.  For reasons passing understanding, the originator of the recipe never revealed themselves.  Which is kind of stupid because this recipe is fucking incredible and they could have made a killing from it.

A caveat before we get started:  If you’re going to make this recipe, do yourself a favor and cut it in half.  I’ve been making the half recipe since I first got it, back in 1999.  But, I’m going to be on site at work this week and I have made a habit of baking treats for my coworkers.  It takes away some of the pain of having to deal with going to the office.  Anyway, I went ahead and made the full recipe this time and I could smell the motor in my mixer overheating.

Here’s what you’ll need:

5 C. Oatmeal

2 C. Butter, softened

2 C. Sugar

2 C. Brown Sugar, packed

4 Eggs

2 tsp Vanilla

4 C. Flour

1 tsp Salt

2 tsp Baking Soda

2 tsp Baking Powder

3 C. Nuts, chopped

24 oz. Chocolate Chips

1 8 oz. Chocolate Bar, grated

Using a food processor, blend oatmeal into a fine powder.  Cream butter and add the white sugar slowly, in a steady stream.  Then add the brown sugar using a teaspoon to drop it in slowly.  Add eggs and vanilla.

Then add the flour, oatmeal, salt, baking soda and baking powder and mix well.  Add the nuts, chocolate chips and the grated chocolate and mix until everything is combined.  This dough is stiff.

Roll into balls about 1.5 inches wide and place two inches apart on a lined cookie sheet.

Bake in a 375-degree oven for 10-11 minutes.

I don’t care if the story is fake.  These cookies are no bullshit.