You guys! This trifle is completely insane and is a quintessential example of all the best that Britain has to offer.

A little background: QEII has now been on the throne for an astonishing 70 years. Her Platinum Jubilee will be celebrated over special 4-day bank holiday that kicks off June 2nd. Tons of events are planned, which Her Most Gracious and Royal Majesty may or may not attend. To add to the frenzy and the hysteria, a Jubilee Pudding Contest was announced and this was the unanimous winner among the judges, who included British National Treasure Mary Berry, formerly of the Great British Bake-Off. Jemma is Jemma Melvin, a copywriter from Southport, Merseyside, which is a seaside town just up the coast from Liverpool. She beat out 5,000 other contestants (I would have thought there would have been more) and part of her inspiration, she says, is that the Queen had lemon posset (a kind of custard/panna cotta) at her wedding. This is a delightful thing to know. I frowned a little upon learning that one of the desserts she beat was a Bundt cake made with homemade Dubonnet jam.

I am an arch-Monarchist, as much as an American can be, because long ago I figured that if I had to get invested in a family not my own, why not one with centuries of scandals and weirdness and strange pageantry and traditions and best of all, one I don’t have to pay for? I mean the Kardashians? Really. One marries a wealthy attorney who defended OJ Simpson and then goes on to marry the person who became Caitlyn Jenner (OK, that combo is hard to top) and then it just spirals into ever deeper pits of banality and absurdity as they go on to monetize everything in sight. No, with the Windsors there is a higher purpose. Affairs of State are involved. Some of their outfits and accessories date back centuries and were not whipped up by Kanye West in a fever dream. None has made a sex tape, mercifully, and if one has no one cares to see it (although those photos from Prince Harry’s Las Vegas billiards game were STOP IT RIGHT THERE) They are nominal heads of state of many countries. When they feud it has an impact and each generation begets one member that could bring the whole thing tumbling down. The Kardashian-Jenners feud endlessly and still, somehow, the Republic survives and celebrity gossip magazines lose more and more money and their various shows attract fewer and fewer viewers.

Anyway, here is the original winning recipe for Jemma’s Lemon Swiss Roll and Amaretti Trifle that has been reprinted in several British media properties exactly as is, so this is The Real Thing. I have not made this yet but I, like Jemma, have tips at the end for a non-British/mostly American audience. 

INGREDIENTS

For the Swiss rolls:

4 large free-range eggs

100g/3½oz caster sugar, plus extra for dusting 

100g/3½oz self-raising flour,

sieved Butter, for greasing

For the Lemon curd:

4 large free-range egg yolks

135g/4¾oz granulated sugar 

85g/3oz salted butter, 

softened 1 lemon, zest only 

80ml/2½fl oz fresh lemon juice

For the St Clement’s jelly: 

6 gelatine leaves

4 unwaxed lemons 

3 oranges 

150g/5½oz golden caster sugar  

For the Custard:

425ml/15fl oz double cream

3 large free-range egg yolks 

25g/1oz golden caster sugar 

1 tbsp cornflour

1 tsp lemon extract

For the Amaretti biscuits:

2 free-range egg whites 

170g/6oz caster sugar 

170g/6oz ground almonds 

1 tbsp amaretto

Butter or oil, for greasing

For the Chunky mandarin coulis: 

4 x 397g tinned mandarins [not sure why this wasn’t translated out of metric—397g = 14 oz.]

45g/1¾oz caster sugar 

For the Jewelled chocolate bark:

50g/1¾oz mixed peel 

1 tbsp caster sugar (optional)

200g/7oz white chocolate, broken into pieces

To assemble: 600ml/20fl oz double cream 

1. To make the Swiss rolls, preheat the oven to 180C/ 160C Fan/ Gas 4. Grease and line the 2 Swiss roll tins with baking paper. In a large bowl, beat the eggs and sugar together with an electric hand whisk for approximately 5 minutes or until light and pale. Using a metal spoon, gently fold in the flour. Divide between the two tins and bake for 10–12 minutes or until the sponges are lightly golden and cooked through.

2. Sprinkle some extra caster sugar on two sheets of baking paper then turn the sponges out onto the sugared paper. Peel off the paper from the underside and, while still warm, roll them both up from the short end into a tight spiral using the paper to help. Leave to cool. 

3. To make the lemon curd, place the egg yolks, granulated sugar, butter, lemon zest and lemon juice in a glass bowl over a saucepan of simmering water (don’t let the bowl touch the water). Whisk until combined and whisk continuously as the curd cooks until thickened. This should take about 15 minutes. Pour into a clean bowl and set aside to cool. 

4. To make the St Clement’s jelly, soak the gelatine leaves in cold water for 5 minutes to soften. Using a vegetable peeler, peel 6 strips from a lemon and 6 strips from an orange and put these into a saucepan with the sugar and 400ml/ 14fl oz water. Bring to a simmer over a medium heat, stirring occasionally until the sugar has dissolved. Remove from the heat and discard the peel. Squeeze the water out of the gelatine and stir into the pan until dissolved then leave to cool. Squeeze the lemons and oranges, so you have 150ml/5fl oz of both lemon and orange juice. Stir into the pan then strain the jelly through a fine sieve into a jug and chill until cool but not set. 

5. To make the amaretti biscuits, preheat the oven to 180C/ 160C Fan/ Gas 4. In a large bowl, beat the egg whites until firm. Mix the sugar and almonds gently into it. Add the amaretto and fold in gently until you have a smooth paste.

6. Place some baking paper on a baking tray and lightly brush with butter or oil.

Using a teaspoon, place small heaps of the mixture approximately 2cm/ ¾in apart, as they will expand during cooking. Bake for approximately 15–20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool. 

7. To make the chunky mandarin coulis, strain two tins of mandarins. Discard the juice and put the fruit into a saucepan with the sugar and heat gently until broken down. Remove from the heat. In a small bowl, stir the arrowroot with 2 tablespoons cold water to make a paste, then add to the warm mandarins. Add the lemon juice and mix well before pouring into a large bowl. Strain the remaining two tins of mandarins and add the fruit to the bowl then leave to cool completely.

8. To make the jewelled chocolate bark, if the peel feels wet or sticky, roll in the caster sugar to absorb any moisture. Melt the white chocolate in a bowl sitting over a saucepan of gently simmering water. Pour the white chocolate onto a baking tray lined with baking paper and scatter over the mixed peel. Leave to set then break into shards. 

9. To assemble, unroll the cooled Swiss rolls and spread with the lemon curd. Roll back up again and slice one into 2.5cm/ 1in slices and place upright around the bottom edge of the trifle dish so the swirl is visible. Slice the other Swiss roll into thicker pieces and use these to fill the bottom of the dish, ensuring the top is roughly the same level as the slices that line the edge. Use off-cuts of sponge to fill any gaps.

10. Pour the St Clement’s jelly over the Swiss roll layer and set aside in the fridge to completely set. This will take approximately 3 hours. Once set, pour over the custard then arrange a single layer of amaretti biscuits, keeping a few back for the top. Pour over the mandarin coulis. In a large bowl, whip the double cream until soft peaks form then spoon this over the coulis. Crumble over the reserved amaretti biscuits and decorate with the chocolate bark shards

JEMMA’S TOP TIPS: To simplify this recipe, you can use ready-made versions for most of the components and just make the Swiss rolls and mandarin coulis from scratch. For the lemon curd, use 300g/10½oz ready-made lemon curd. Instead of the St Clement’s jelly, use 1 packet of lemon-flavoured jelly and follow the packet instructions to make 568ml/1 pint. For the custard, use 500ml/18fl oz ready-made custard. For the biscuits, use 100g/ 3½oz ready-made amaretti biscuits. Instead of making the jewelled chocolate bark, you can finish this trifle by scattering over the reserved amaretti biscuits, mixed peel and 50g/1¾oz white chocolate chunks.

COUSIN MATTIE’S TIPS FOR THE VULGAR EX-COLONIALS:  

(Tips are keyed to the numbers Jemma provided in her recipe above.)

First off, the more of Jemma’s recipe you can make from scratch the better it’s going to be. However, as Jemma herself notes, you can simplify the process using store-bought components.

1, 2, 3, 9: If you don’t know what a Swiss roll is, here’s an example: 

https://www.tablespoon.com/recipes/lemon-cream-cheese-roll-cake/a766024f-3536-426d-ac72-282fbc18446a

They’re basically wraps, but the pita bread is a spongey-cake and the content is a cream. They’re one of those things that, like dinner rolls, used to be more common but now usually only make an appearance around the holidays. 

I have participated in making Swiss rolls with the mother of one of my in-laws and they are a PITA. If you know how to make them, follow Jemma’s advice, knowing that a 180C oven is 350F. If you have a Gas4 oven setting you might not be living in America nor, for that matter, in the 21st century, and maybe you have a prewar AGA cooker. If you do, I salute you. AGA cookers (now known as ranges) are still made and can cost about $20,000. I have a gas stove, a Viking, but I do not have a Gas4 setting.

ANYWAY, the best thing to do is to find a bakery that will make a Swiss roll for you. Beggars can’t be choosers, especially outside the Yuletide season, so you can just get two vanilla ones with a vanilla cream filling. 

4. St. Clement’s Jelly? You’re making Jell-O, baby! One 3 oz. package of lemon Jell-O will make 1 pint. Funny how these complicated recipes work, it’s almost as if something simple is deconstructed, reimagined, made more complicated, personalized, and the end result is, pretty much, one box of lemon Jell-O. I don’t know if there’s a lemon-orange version of Jell-O but if there is, use that. In this preparation, get the Jell-O so it’s about 3/4 firm and kind of layer it onto the Swiss rolls so that some seeps down but you’ve got a foundation for the next stuff, and you don’t encase the Swiss rolls entirely, leaving you without the St. Clement’s Jelly layer.

Not mentioned in the prep list: Making your own custard isn’t hard, but if you don’t want to, here I would mix two parts vanilla pudding (homemade or store-bought) with one part whipped cream (homemade or store-bought).

5, 6: For the amaretto cookies (“Amaretti biscuits”—the British are adorable!) I would sub in 2 bags of Pepperidge Farm Milano (not Mint Milano) cookies, because they’re easy to find. If your supermarket, or better yet your bakery, makes amaretto cookies definitely use those. Get a bunch. If you don’t use them all in your Jubilee Trifle so what, they’ll get eaten. You could also make your own, these aren’t the most difficult cookie to make, and keep in mind that the oven temp translated is 350F.

7. You’re going to have to make the chunky mandarin coulis yourself but it’s really simple. A coulis is a sauce made from strained fruit. It’s like a simple syrup but much thicker. Thicker still would be a mandarin orange jam but for this recipe that would be too much. Although maybe…

8. Bark is not difficult to make, but candied fruit peel is not nearly as easy to find in the US as it is in Britain. Once again, in my one decent local supermarket, it only shows up at the Yuletide, and that’s because it is used in fruitcakes. Fruitcakes are another thing that are far more common in Britain than in the US. If you’re not going to make your own, buy plain white bark (no nuts) at a candy store/bakery. You don’t have to hunt around to find a sheet of it; you’ll see in the photo that it’s upended in shards, which is actually kind of jarring, like some kind of memorial to some violent incident in the past where there were many casualties.

9, 10. For the assembly, do what Jemma says. If you don’t want to whip your own cream (you really should) use store-bought, but Her Majesty would not be amused. When you get to the last part, arrange your white bark shards just slightly in from the perimeter of your trifle bowl. Crumble the remainder of your Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies and make this design:

https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo-elizabeth-ii-regina-er-royal-insignia-on-the-gates-of-the-tower-of-48166486.html

Happily Jubilee to one and all! God Save the Queen!