Food You Can Eat: Zucchini Bread

Zucchini. It's not just for Italian food anymore.

Note the distinct lack of raisins and nuts, just like God intended.

First things first:  I screwed up and didn’t check the zucchini bed in the garden for a couple of days and wound up with a monster that would taste terribly if I tried to cook it.  So, as far behind as I am with verifying recipes for the family cookbook, I needed to take a detour and make zucchini bread.  In the immortal words of Charles Barkley:  I am not a role model.

Which of these four is not like the others? Which of these four just doesn’t belong?

A caveat before we get started:  This is the recipe that my mother used to make when I was a kid.  This recipe calls for raisins and nuts, but that’s bullshit.  So, I’m making this recipe the way it should be made.

Here’s what you’ll need:

3 Eggs

¾ Cup Oil

1 Cup Sugar

⅔ Cup Brown Sugar

2 Tbsp. Vanilla

3 Cups Flour, sifted

2 tsp. Cinnamon

1 ½ tsp. Baking Powder

1 tsp. Baking Soda

1 tsp. Salt

2 Cups Zucchini, peeled, grated and drained

My mother’s directions say that you should peel, chunk and grate the zucchini in a blender.  That, too, is bullshit.  Just grate it by hand.  It’s much faster and doesn’t involve nearly as much cleanup.

Beat the eggs in a mixing bowl.  Then, add all of the remaining ingredients and mix well.

Unlike most baked goods, this one truly is not dependent up on the order of ingredients. Just dump that shit in there.

Pour the batter into two well-greased loaf pans.

I thought about drinking this. Then I thought again.

Bake at 350 degrees for one hour.  Test with a toothpick to check doneness.

Perfection, thy name is Zucchini Bread.

Allow the bread to rest in the pans for about 10-15 minutes to set, then turn out of the pans to cool completely.  However, you don’t want to waste the incalculable joy that is fresh, warm zucchini bread, so cut a slice and spread softened butter on top.  Then, eat another piece the same way.  By this time, your mind will tell you that it’s time to stop.  Your stomach will disagree.  Listen to your stomach.

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When you can walk its length, and leave no trace, you will have learned.

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