hahahaha goodbye, diet [NOT 1/5/21]

image of brownie a la mode and a carafe of milk

Hi, friends! What’s on the menu this weekend?

I’ve been meal-prepping with much healthier food because I need to make better choices.

This was derailed today when I went to the farmer’s market and OMG RHUBARB

BEAUTIFUL BRIGHT RED RHUBARB

Anyways, when the rhubarb gods bless us with beautiful, healthy red stalks, I am clearly obligated to make rhubarb crumb cake. It is known.

I don’t know if like rhubarb, or if you’ve even had it. If you’ve lived in the upper Midwest (and probably parts of Canada), I think it might be required by local law that people have rhubarb in their gardens.

Many people like to do a strawberry rhubarb mix, but I like the tart flavor of rhubarb to shine without adding berries. Also, my mom gets a rash from strawberries and I plan on sharing this with my parents. So I am not making anything with strawberries.

I’m also a lazy baker and not motivated to have to do any pretty layering, etc. So the pretty bundt cakes or upside down cakes or tortes are right out. Plus I don’t want to mess with crusts, so not interested in doing a pie or galette, etc.

Hence coffee cake time. This is my preferred rhubarb recipe – I know it says crumb bars, but it’s basically coffee cake. Because I am a lazy baker, I like recipes which don’t have a ton of ingredients or things I won’t normally have in the pantry and fridge.

https://www.marthastewart.com/312987/rhubarb-crumb-bars

I don’t know why it only has 3 stars, it’s fantastic. I also have closer to 3/4 of a lb of rhubarb and it will work fine with a little more in the recipe. It’s forgiving. Add lemon zest if you want. Add Penzey’s cake spice mix if you want. Add nothing if you want. Just open your heart to what the rhubarb gods want.

When you slice into it, there’s little gems of soft rhubarb that peek at you and when you taste it — little bursts of tart, tangy rhubarb among a sweet cake. So, so good.

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14 Comments

  1. shit i dunno..me mums cooking,,,,i had mum pasta today…it was a throwback
    i dont know how a basic pasta n ham cubes n pasta tastes so good….but it does
    coz it hers..ive tried making it myself and it dont taste the same somehow
    all i know is tomorows food involves karbonade…which i dont know the english word for 

  2. Fuck diets.  Just eat food, not too much, avoid the processed garbage, take some lengthy walks and relax.  Like many others, I picked up a shitload of weight during the lockdowns–easily 20 pounds–and in the last two months I’ve already dropped 11 pounds and my BP is back to what my doctor calls “the blood pressure of a teenager”.  All while eating grass-fed bacon on Sunday mornings, cheesecake and other desserts each night (the FYCE posts are forthcoming), and other so-called “bad” foods.  What I’m not eating is a bunch of candy and other junk food.  I cook most of our meals and just about everything is made from whole ingredients.  I’m also not grazing all fucking day like I was before.  It’s certainly not the diet of an elite athlete, but I’m not an elite athlete and never will be so I’m eating what I damned well please.  One of the biggest benefits of the not-diet is that at no point am I struggling against the feeling that I’m somehow being deprived of foods I enjoy–because I’m not.  This means less temptation to “cheat” on my “diet”.  I’m also not obsessively weighing myself.  I only found out about the 11 pounds after seeing my doctor for my ear infection.

    Tomorrow I’m making a grass-fed eye of round roast with a tomato-based risotto recipe from The Science of the Kitchen and the Art of Eating Well cookbook that I was inspired to order while watching Stanley Tucci eat in Italy.  Then I’m having a big fucking slice of cheesecake kuchen.

    • i agree with your fuck diets plan..the farscy believes in excercise over food intake
      in normal times this works out fine
      but man…rona times have made everything all wonky
      ive actually lost weight over the lockdown…buuut…me guts grown bigger where everything else shrank….and i hates it
      the farscy needs to be adonis level fit

  3. I’m finally free to eat whatever the fuck my heart desires (after a hellish restricted diet due to breast feeding a baby with intolerances that we couldn’t pin point…no gluten, soy, dairy, legumes, etc.). Today, I ate a loaf of fresh bread and a tray of brownies followed by beer tonight and buttered popcorn. Even with that restricted diet I managed to stay 20lbs above my regular  weight. Not surprising since I haven’t been active through the pandemic and chips and sorbet have been my go to comfort foods.

  4. Those rhubarb crumb bars do look good. My grandparents had rhubarb in their yard but the weird thing is I don’t remember them ever making anything from them? We used to eat them raw sometimes. Sometimes we’d dip them in sugar, but usually we’d just nibble on them out in the garden. Once I got a whole bunch in a CSA and decided to try rhubarb pickles… Dear lord, I would describe them as inedible (soooo sour and bitter) but my husband adored them. He still brings them up sometimes.
     
    We got takeout crepes tonight, which were nice. I still have a big thing of leftover rice and beans that will last a couple more days, and then I plan to finally try out those black noodles from @Sedevilc ‘s FYCE post a while back. Couple of days ago I tried out a new recipe for a caramelized onion pasta bake that I’ll definitely be doing a FYCE on because it was awesome. 

  5. I am a snacker.  I love salt and grease and carbs.  Hence potato chips and other salty greasy carby things.  They are my greatest weakness food wise.
    A month ago I realized that it was taking a lot of effort to squeeze my expanding gut into my jeans.  Like more than several deep breaths worth.  I had been eating healthy main meal wise, but I was snacking more than I usually do.  I guess the stress of the pandemic finally got to me, but more so dealing with the inevitable death of my friend from cancer.
    I stopped buying chips and snacks.  I’ve managed to drop about 2 kilos since then.  Plus exercising again helps. 
    I still want some fucking chips damnit.
     

  6. Well, I am obviously going to be testing blini recipes @Elliecoo 
    Friday and Saturday I had spaghetti with meat sauce from the freezer.  I defrosted a 5lb boneless turkey breast so I’m going to slice some of it into cutlets and bake with panko bread crumbs, cube some for curry and roast the rest. Or…I  wonder if I could stir fry some of it and then pack it in the freezer for quick meals during the week. Like stir fry a bunch of vegetables and toss the turkey in at the end to heat through.

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