Happy Hour (17/1/20)

A man in Arkansas called the local police department to report that he’d been burgled while staying at the Troutt Hotel in Benton. The stolen item was a gas station cheeseburger. I have never been so drunk, so high, or so hungry I’d eat a gas station cheeseburger. Not even from Sheetz.

https://torontosun.com/news/weird/man-calls-police-to-report-cheeseburglary/wcm/605e4575-7afd-43c2-a999-e47b2cc314ba

Sure, the obvious suspect is this guy.

But let’s not rush to judgement. The Troutt looks exactly like the kind of dump the Winchester brothers might stay at while chasing down monsters.

Maybe they should be looking for this guy.

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14 Comments

  1. This is a mess…

    • I forgot about this,lol!

  2. Arkansas. Always trying to outdo Kansas.

  3. So, has anyone eaten a gas station burger, is it as bad as I think it would be?

  4. Ah,yes, a cheeseburger n’ parasites.

    • Are the parasites from the burger, the roach motel, or both?

  5. I have been drunk or high enough that I’d probably eat literally anything. However, I have never been fucked up enough to:
    1. Not take off my bra.
    2. Not wash my face.
    3. Not let my dogs out before passing out.

    One of my first roommates in college….I can’t even remember her name….used to get wasted and come home and take a shower before bed every night! Incredible discipline, I say, as a filthy person.

    • After a long night, I might not brush my teeth, but I always floss because one time I read that was better for you if you had to only do one.

      • Flossing also prevents hangover trash mouth!

    • WOW, I am an absolute degenerate, I guess. I have passed out having sex [i was on top too] and woken up in bed with absolutely no recollection of getting into bed. Where was the dog, under the fold out couch with a bunch of discarded condoms. Good times.

      Mobil marts around here have Burger King annexes, so hell yeah, gas station burger!

      • LOL something about my lizard brain just won’t let me go unconscious without those things done.

  6. BTW, my happy hour drink tonight is called The Good Cork
    1 oz whiskey
    1 oz mezcal
    1/2 oz benedictine
    2 dashes Peychaud’s

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