Happy Hour [4/6/21]

I need a drink

It’s June, and that means Wedding Season. During the lockdown, weddings were, for the most part, smaller less flashy, events. With more people getting vaccinated, I’m looking forward to the return of nuptial insanity stories. The NY Times is also gearing up, hiring a wedding editor for the column-you-love-to-hate Vows section. Vows has, in the past, had to issue some infamous corrections. Who can forget the I Found Out My Ex Cheated On Me – From His Wedding Announcement article?

Let’s talk weddings. Give me your best, worst, or craziest ceremony or reception anecdotes.



  1. When I got married we met w/ the officiant a few days before to go over our vows with him.  My wife insisted that “obey” would not be in there.  Then during the ceremony, he said the love, honor and obey bit and simultaneously my bride’s face turned to a scowl and my best man faked fainting, grabbing his wrist as if to see if he still had a pulse and says “oh no, here we go!”  All my friends start laughing and gasping before the officiant realised his mistake and backtracked.  Luckily my photographer caught the moment, I love that picture.  
    As for happy hour, my beer guy gave me this year’s 3 Way which hasn’t been released yet in our state.  All 3 breweries in this year’s collab our in my top 10 favorite breweries for ipas.  

    • I’m with your wife, no need for obey in vows! It does make for a good story though. You have a hell of a beer guy. I’ve never heard of any of the brews he recommends to you.

      • He is the best but I have brought him stuff back from out of state trips so he knows I’ll take care of him too when given the opportunity.  All the guys that work at my local beer store/taproom know what I like but this guy will have my beer poured before I get up to the line to order.  I just ask what it is not tell him what I want.

    • Ha! That’s amazing.
      I should see if I can dig up our wedding ceremony. Our JP suggested we could write the whole thing ourselves if we wanted, so we did. (It was a 5 minute ceremony.) 

  2. Years ago, we went to a wedding (the first of three for this fellow) where the reception was held in a defunct nightclub. The decor was black, the tables ringed the room on the night club’s tiers, the decor and theme were goth, and the bride wore black. The open bar was well-utilized. Mid-way through the reception, the groom and his friends, who had formed a punk band of dubious skill, changed into bloody doctor attire, zombie makeup, and various gory accoutrements. The band played – not well – until one member passed out and another became violently ill.

    I have also been to some lovely weddings, either because of the abounding joy or the elegance. This wedding had neither.

    • ”abounding joy or the elegance. This wedding had neither”

      Ouch! That’s a bad review, lol.
      One of the best weddings I ever attended wasn’t elegant but was full of joy. After the meal the best man announced it was time for dancing and had everyone move all the tables to the sides of the room. The bride and groom came out dressed in overalls, white elaborately beaded and embroidered for the bride, black for the groom. They had a contra band with caller. It was a huge surprise because they were not people who had ever shown any interest in that type of music. They explained they wanted something that would bring everyone together. And it worked. It was so much fun, and everyone enjoyed it. Even the people who resisted joining in at first. 


    • Huh. Until you got to the violently ill part and the last line, I was going to say it sounded like a fun time. 

  3. thank fuck i never got married…that would have made shit so much suckier
    i just call her the missus coz weve been together forever….
    anyways as we arent married..and she has no income
    im stuck in forever hell…she cant move out coz the gubment wont let you have a house even if you have savings if you dont have income
    and i cant move out coz she’d be homeless
    i dont really want to have that one on my conscience…that said if she doesnt fucking take a job soon i may have to…..the farscys mental state is not good
    and tbh…i get extremely annoyed when she turns down cleaning or factory work coz she has a university degree
    yeah..whoopdeefuckingdoo…that was 17 years ago and you’ve never worked a day in your chosen field…good luck finding that job

    • That’s a tough spot to be in. Maybe you can find a way to share a living space and live your own lives? 

      • if she had income we could
        as is im paying full price for none of the benefits
        shits wearing thin

  4. So, at my first wedding, there’s the part where the priest says something like, “if there’s anyone here who feels these two shouldn’t be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

    Yup, sure as shit, someone stood up and said something.  Except, it wasn’t someone anybody knew.  In fact, this was a homeless man who had wandered into the church.  The town where we lived at the time was home to the state mental hospital and the rector of the church had recently retired after 30 years as the chief social worker there, so he knew all of the mentally ill people in town.  He had an informal agreement with them that they were welcome to attend services at his church as long as they were on their meds.  If they caused any trouble, he would send them outside himself.

    So, anyway, this guy gets up and says, “Uh, Charlie, I have something to say.”  I turned my head around like, WTF, but Charlie is right on top of it.  He’s clearly not happy but he’s trying to keep his shit together.

    “We’re trying to have a wedding here.”

    “Well, I know, but I just thought I’d say…well…um…nevermind.”  Then, he turned around and walked out of the church.

    After we got divorced the following year I had seen the Richard Dreyfus film “Always” which has a scene where Dreyfus’ character (who is dead) is trying to communicate to a living character through a mentally ill, homeless man.  That was when I realized that someone was trying to tell me “STOP!  For the love of God, don’t do it!”  I wish I had listened.

    • That’s an incredible wedding moment. I just wish the universe/God/Goddess, whatever you call it, wouldn’t be so damned cryptic all the time. How about a booming voice saying NO, BIG MISTAKE!

  5. Oh man, nothing makes me break out into a cold sweat more than a wedding.
    I just came here to bitch about the woodford reserve bourbon some guy at the liquor store recommended. I hates it. It is not on the rocks sipping bourbon. Hoping it is a good mixer.

    • You don’t like it? Which one did you get? 

      • Distiller’s select? It was on sale, and he had talked about it so I grabbed it.
        It’s harsh, IMO. So far, for on the rocks bourbon, my fave is Michter’s.

        • I haven’t tried that one but in general I like Woodford Reserve bourbons. I’m sure you can use it in cocktails. 

          • Which one do you usually get?

            • The Double Oaked 

    • …I think it was just the regular woodfords reserve rather than any of the other varieties…but I thought it made a decent old fashioned…by which I mean I kept making those until I finished the bottle…not (I should add) in one sitting or anything…of course it helps if you like those….otherwise it’s not much help?

  6. Back in ye olde grad school days, I had friends get married at a lovely giant lake house owned by Jack Warner. Dude was a crusty old fuck at the time. Jack Warner was the CEO of Gulf States Paper and was rich as fuck and basically could do no wrong in Alabama.

    So, we’re at the reception part in the courtyard after a sunset ceremony on the lovely lakefront. Super lovely, having a great time. 

    DJ goes to do the “And introducing the new married couple…” and fucking mid-sentence crusty old drunk Jack Warner wanders out with a microphone and starts bragging about his fancy house. I remember hearing about how he had a toilet in that house that Queen Elizabeth used.

    Soon one of his staff/assistants/handlers came and got him and took away his microphone. 

    • Pretty trumpy 

      • I mean he was horrible but not Trump-level atrocious.

        Also he came from some money and married into more money to get a giant business very successful, so at least he never filed for bankruptcy like 6 times?

        • I was referring to trumps wedding crashing antics

  7. @Sedevilc Have you tried Weller? I personally haven’t, it can be hard to find even here in bourbon country. But I have some friends that swear by it. 

    • I’ll look for Weller next time, it doesn’t look like the NH state liquor store has it. I would say I’ll try the woodford tonight in a cocktail, for science, but I have grapefruit so I’m going to try a vodka paloma.

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