I Did A Thing: Homemade Lube

When I decided that I would make homemade household products because people were panic purchasing, well, household products, I didn’t think I’d get requests for more “I Did A Thing” posts.

Yet, here we are…

If any of you have a request for me to make something and try it, leave your ideas in the comments and I’ll at least contemplate it…

One request was that I educate the masses (or a very horny couple?) how to make what I’d dub “emergency lube”?

DIY Lube:

This version is water-based and condom friendly…whatever the fuck “condom friendly” means?
[Editor’s note: Water based lubes are “condom friendly” because oil based ones can degrade condom materials and make them more susceptible to breakage]
Do people still wrap it up in lambskin or something? I think it is time to note that pharmacies are still essential.

  • Put one cup of water in a saucepan
  • Add 4 teaspoons of corn starch
  • Set burner to low-medium heat
  • Stir occasionally until it begins to boil
  • Remove from heat and stir for a full minute
  • [Editor’s note: allow to cool slightly!!!]
  • Look over your shoulder to ensure no one is looking
  • Add to desired goods or insert into desired orifice or…

The Result:

Self prescribed:

With partner:

Either way…it WORKS! So…

About myopicprophet 135 Articles
Kinja refugee. Rants often. Right sometimes.


  1. I’m all lubed up and no one play with…

    Anyone doing anything about haircuts? I went on Amazon and ordered a hair clipper (3-6 weeks minimum delivery!) because despite being mostly bald on top I still have hair that needs trimming.

    • I’ve been shaving my head for a couple decades.
      This problem didn’t even occur to me until I started seeing articles and pics about it…

      I didn’t shave for the first ~2 weeks, and when I tried, it took me two separate days and a very clogged razor to get through all the growth. I’ve since picked up my typical schedule of shaving head/face about 2x a week.

    • Among the many attachments my multigroom trimmer are 3 hair trimming guards (the ones at the right side on the picture below) but I’m afraid to use them. Wait 1 more month though, and the need will’ve defeated the fear…

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