I really should know better [NOT 16/6/22]

16/6/22 brightersideoflife 22
image of yellow road sign with wording "BAD IDEA"

Hi, friends!

In the latest edition of “dumb shit I shouldn’t have tried because I definitely know better,” I managed to cut my hand again opening an avocado.

Now I know… some of you readers… will undoubtedly say this is a sign to stop eating avocado, that it’s dangerous to one’s health.

But I reject that conclusion! Never!

I just need to stop thinking I can do the thing where you tap a chef’s knife into the pit and then twist out the pit. I hadn’t tried that in a few years because the last time I had done it, the avocado was cold and had some condensation so it slipped in my hand when the knife blade hit it and I ended up with a nasty cut on my palm and fingers. One of those cuts where you’re like ehhhh I don’t think I need stitches, but I need to look at this for a bit to make sure I don’t need stitches.. yeah I’m good, whew.

So ever since then, I’ve just used a paring or steak knife to slice open an avocado and then wobbled out the pit with a spoon or my hand. Fast forward to last night and my dumbass is using my freshly sharpened chef’s knife and I’m like fuck yeah I should just do the thing with the chef’s knife instead of making another utensil dirty. That motherfucking glorious knife sliced through pit and managed to cut my finger. Not nearly as bad as that last time (probably because the knife is so sharp, kept the slice clean), but you bet while I was putting a bandaid on it I was thinking “I really should have known better, what a stupid fucking thing to do.”

So, my friends, is there something you keep returning to when you should know better?

*also I have no doubt that at some point in the future I’ll be stupid enough to cut my hand again from removing an avocado pit with a chef’s knife.

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22 Comments

  2. That is one sharp knife.

    Completely unrelated, today I learned that famous Brazilian architect Oscar Niemayer died just days before his 105th birthday in 2012. Also, he remarried at the age of 98, this time to his secretary, who was 60. I guess age really is just a number. Unfortunately lately my number is my actual age plus about 15.

  3. I’m pretty good about only burning myself once or twice on the handle or lid of a new pot before I internalize that this particular thing gets just as hot as the other things that look a lot like it.

    • Ha! My stainless still pots and pans don’t have lids or handles that get hot unless I’m really using high heat on them, and then I get confused and often singed when I’m at my parents’ house because their lids and handles get super hot even on low heat!

  4. It’s funny, I heard (or read? I don’t remember) a doctor asking people to please stop doing that because he’s tired of dealing with all the “avocado hand” cases. So you’re far from alone. I’ve always done it with the avocado sitting on the counter, not in my hand. If it’s ripe enough though, the pit just falls out if you squeeze it a little.

  6. I’m just completely intrigued at how folks are holding their avocados when they’re hitting the pit….

    I’m guessing it’s *not* with your finger tips “curled under,” like when you slice onions?😬

    My dumb thing that I keep trying over & over & over–until tonight, just 15 minutes or so before I saw the theme here, as a matter of fact!😆😂🤣–

    is trying to order a hand-tossed Pacific Veggie pizza, with subbed Garlic Alfredo sauce, instead of the classic red/marinara, at the Uptown Minneapolis Dominos…

    I’ve ordered it with *just one substitution*–Garlic Parmesan sauce, instead of red–prooooobably 8 or 9 times now…

    And iirc, they’ve gotten it right twice.

    A couple times, they’ve sent it with no sauce, and allthe other times, it’s had the red sauce–even though I paid extra for the substitution🙃

    I can get that pizza in my old exurb, perfectly substituted *every* time (that was my go-to!), and up home where Dad lives, they’ve nailed it every time I’ve ordered…

    But for *some* reason, HERE, it’s almost always bolloxed up🙁😖🥴

    So tonight I decided to try something different (I NEVER get different pizza!🤣), and went for a thin-crust pepperoni & sausage (with red sauce)…

    We’ll see if they mess THIS one up!😉

     

     

      • The pizza was ok but “meh” in flavor, annnnd they cut it into squares, rather than wedges for some reason… so not bolloxed-bolloxed, buuuut not quite what was ordered, either…

         

        But the KICKER tonight, was the Garlic-parmesan twists…

        They came in multiple sizes tonight😆😂🤣🤣🤣;

        https://photos.app.goo.gl/eA4ZZYSBzXrySTFs9

        The smallest two were *maybe* an inch and a half long, and an inch wide… and dry/crispy as all get-out….

        (Eta-one of those two is the smallest in the picture, I ate the other one a while before)

        Annnnd then there were some that were more than 3″ square, and really nice & soft…

        I don’t know if it’s just that *this is Uptown and they’re allllll stoned all shift,* or if they’re constantly turning staff over, so that nothing–except a fuckup–is ever consistent😆

         

        Although, I gotta say that, if I’ve gotta have *one restaurant* around here consistently fuck up my orders, I’d MUCH rather have this terrible Dominos, with our awesome Popeyes, than the other way around!

        The spicy chicken sandwich is ALWAYS *perfection* there, and the staff gets you through the drive through FAST!😉😁💖💫

         

  7. I keep walking into the footboard of my bed. It hits me about mid-thigh, and if I’m not paying attention, I’ll slam into it on my way to the bathroom. It creates a nasty bruise.

    I’ve started grabbing it and running my hand along it to keep me from walking into it. Yes, just like the elderly.

  9. We had put the mattress on the floor when elderly Emma fell out of bed and needed to get up for drinks at night. My knees knew their age when arising. Emma passed away (2 weeks on this coming Monday) so we can have the actual bed frame again. Now there is a large ottoman/dog sofa beside the bed so that the three small dogs can get up and down without ripping an ACL and getting $$$ repairs. I bang my foot on the bed frame as I avoid falling over the ottoman every night. Ouch, this is the foot where I broke a toe last month… And no, the room is small with an odd abutment holding pipes so no rearrangement is possible. I keep waiting for the muscle memory to kick in.

    • @Ellicoo – Sorry to hear about your dear sweet Emma. We are on watch with our 14 year old black and tan coonhound. He’s hanging in there – but we know it could come any time.

       

      Ever since I had my beloved basset hound, Lucy – I use different height ottomans as stairs at the end of one bed, next to another and as a step up to the couch. They’ve all come from different thrift stores so pretty inexpensive. I highly recommend them for our stumpy friends.

  10. i frequently forget to add the grated cheese to my cheapo pizzas or decide whatever bake i put in the oven needs more of it…so i figure…fuck it…ill just sprinkle it on in the oven

    its round about then i find out 420f is pretty fucking hot on the hand after just a second or so……sooooo…i just try to sprinkle little bits of cheese really quickly repeatedly and burn my hand…..i really should just take the pizza/bake out of the oven….

    also…back in the early days of lockdowns when only the supermarkets were open and people figured well fuck it lets try fancier cooking avocado cuts were happening so often that the news put out a psa telling people to please stop trying to stab avocados whilst holding them as they were causing even more strain on the hospitals

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