I’m A Psychic!

What's In Your Future? I Can Tell You That You're Not Deserving -- In A Nice Way

All of the news
David Broke
I Would Never Have an Affair in a Boss-Employee Situation… as a mere employee, that is

Hi there! A common theme of those crazy TV shows they have on the streaming today is be careful of what you wish for. And boy, do I ever wish I was careful. I wished that I knew what was going to happen years from now, and now I do. Oh boy, is 2024 crazy.

First my gift of prophecy told me only a couple of days after Mar a Lago was searched that the FBI was re-electing Donald Trump in 2024.

And now my amazing psychic powers have told me that in two years we’re going to have a Donald Trump versus Bernie Sanders election. Yikes! Those two guys are exactly the same. Has Sanders ever worked within the system and compromised on anything big? I’m sure Sanders has handed over top secret information to the Russians, cheated on his wife while she was pregnant, and launched an armed mob to take over the government, I probably just didn’t catch the coverage. I follow the news about as carefully as I follow sports you see.

Who has the time for the news when you’re so busy doing unimpeachable research? Besides, I’m a psychic!

Now, it’s terrible when normal people rush to judgment without every single fact completely nailed down. But when you’re a psychic, you have an obligation to try to bend future events. Which is why I’m championing the totally centrist No Labels group to save us from the Trump-Sanders nightmare.

How Can a Group Called No Labels Be a Front Group? “Front Group” is a Label And Their Name is “No Labels”

No Labels cares so deeply about avoiding partisanship that they had no choice but to attack the January 6 Committee as a “partisan exercise” that wouldn’t “bring the country together” weeks before the Committee even began its public hearings. Because it obviously has nothing to do with GOP mania — it’s the Committee’s fault! Why would anyone think they were going to bring up facts?

I also knew the January 6 Committee was a failure before it even began. I’m sure my prediction came true. I kind of stopped following it or writing about it. Why bother? I’m psychic!

No Labels is a totally above-board, not at all shady group which has nothing to do with weirdo finance dudes. Did Trump-backing Mark Penn work for them? Did executives force employees to write positive reviews on Glassdoor? How should I know? My gifts don’t extend to doing any research of past events — I’m a psychic!

Has this No Labels bunch worked overtime to torpedo the Democrats’ infrastructure and budget bills in alliance with Krysten Sinema? How should I know? I can’t see into the past. But if they did, I’m sure it’s only because the failure of Republicans to come together was completely the fault of the Democrats.

Now they’re spending tens of millions of dollars for a totally neutral third party run in 2024, which they assure me won’t be a backdoor effort to siphon off Democratic votes to elect Trump. And since I’m gosh darn sure we’ll see the Democrats nominate some Stalin-style socialist in 2024, maybe that even wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Wait, I know that’s the best possible outcome. I’m a psychic!

David Broke is definitely not a thought leader who writes for a non-self absorbed paper which never deserves any criticism by some nitpicky people who think evidence is something that you find after things happen. How are we supposed to file columns before we run off to the Hamptons or Martha’s Vinyard if we have to do real work to uncover evidence? We’d never get to our six figure speaking appearances if we did that! Anyway, Broke can best be described as a parody of a serious thinker.



  1. Don’t be so hard on Brooksy. There is unimpeachable evidence that he has research at hand. He cheated on his wife with his researcher (Anne Snyder) and eventually dumped his wife to marry her. Ever shameless, they actually make joint appearances where they trade vapid nuggets of common wisdom and various hot taeks. Here’s an example:

    Want to know more about Anne Snyder?

    Anne Snyder is a writer and convener committed to exploring questions of class and culture, moral beauty and a beatitudinal faith.

    “Moral beauty.” That’s one way of describing the path of her relationship with David Brooks. She’s also 23 years younger than her former boss/now husband.


    • Ah, Fuller Seminary, one of the homes of Shadi Hamid, along with Brookings and The Atlantic. Hamid just set off a minor fuss by moaning about Biden calling MAGAs semi-fascists.

      Hamid also had the brains and foresight to announce on the morning of Jan 6 2021 that he was looking forward to the Democrats eating crow when Trump peacefully went along with the certification of Biden’s victory.


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