It’s a Festivus Miracle! [NOT 16/12/21]

... that this post was written on time.

Graphic that quotes the Frank Costanza character from "Seinfeld"
Blessed are the consumers...

Is this thing on?

Right, so halfway through December now and barreling down on <insert winter holiday here>. In the spirit of Festivus, I think there’s something we need to get off our chests now.

Yes, yes, let us begin the Airing of the Grievances. Whatever you want to gripe about, let it go. Do not keep it inside this close to the holidays.

No word yet if a later NOT will address the Feats of Strength.



  1. I have a beef with the groundhogs that live around my yard.  They dig holes, which I step in.  I wait until I see them running around and I fill in the holes and sometimes cover them with large stones.  They dig another hole nearby.  They eat our garden and chewed up a little cherry sapling that my wife planted.  The dog will harass them, but for some reason won’t hurt them in any way.  She just chases them and they waddle their chubby little asses away and then the dog barks.   They’re just little furry delinquents and I’ve had enough.  They are: Species: M. monax, Family: Sciuridae, Phylum: Chordata, Class: Mammalia, Order: Rodentia, Kingdom: Animalia, Genus: Marmota.   They are making me turn into Carl the Groundskeeper.

  2. The boys turned 3 years old today. They are inbred Cheweenies, who are sweet and dumb. I think that they appear to be calming down and are less barkiferous, but it could be my imagination…we still have the Christmas tree surrounded by a gate. Happy Festivus everyone!

    • Happy Birthday, Blacksmith boys!

    • HBD to the pups!

  3. My siblings are not talking to each other.  We all live far from each other so not a big deal if not for our Mom & a few financial connections.  Somehow I get to be the middleman since I am the only one which is still nice to all of them.  I’m sick of this shit & Santa needs to fix this!

  4. One strand of lights on my pre-lit Christmas tree went out yesterday. Almost all the bulbs are burnt out on it. So I bought a strand of lights hoping to use the bulbs as replacements. After swapping out about 40 tiny bulbs it still didn’t work. I decided to just use the new strand on the tree and put all the bulbs back on it and only half of it works. I plugged it in anyway and buried the ones that won’t light. 🤬

    • The same thing happened to us this year. Our tree is very tall (and we’re both over 6 feet) so it was a production to ascend to its summit and try to figure out where the problem was. Better Half played the role of Sir Edmund Hillary while I, incapable at this point of scaling a ladder, encouraged from below. Mid-process I realized that all our wrap-around windows’ shades were up (the better to enchant the neighborhood with a view of our Tannenbaum.) Our festive attire consisted of me in a robe that is probably 30 years old and compression stockings, and Better Half festively bedecked in black workout shorts and a corporate convention giveaway T-shirt that predated the financial crash of 2008. Not exactly a holiday image Norman Rockwell would have splashed on the cover of the “Saturday Evening Post” but maybe he would have if both he and the magazine were still alive. I hope the pedestrians and the people in neighboring apartments enjoyed our little Yuletide tableau.

      • We can refer to this as The Unnativity.

    • Is that still a thing?  I thought they were just called seditionists at this point.  I hope Santa takes a big shit in every one of their stockings!

  5. Amazon. Although they have gotten so awful I haven’t bought anything from them all season.

    I’ve either gone to individual websites or brick and mortar stores for gifts to avoid the nightmare of searching and browsing Amazon and then getting routed to stupid affiliate sellers who I trust even less than them. And the live employees I’ve been dealing with in person have all been pleasant. Turning away from the robot is almost like waking up from a bad dream. It’s like all they offer is a Potemkin Village constructed to offer the illusion of infinite choice, backed by old muddy stables.

    • I did a lot of brick and mortar shopping this year. I like to buy local whenever possible.

      • I usually do almost all my shopping online, and use Amazon a lot, but I’m really trying to cut back and do more in person shopping. Amazon is getting pretty evil.

    • Every employee I’ve dealt with in the wild has been great, it’s the other customers that are pieces of shit.

      • Yeah? I’d say I experience about 50/50 retail employees who are either very pleasant, or so burnt out and exhausted that they’re rude and snappy. I try not to hold it against them, I know it’s tough in retail these days.

  6. no grievances here…. to busy laughing at glow in the dark radioactive antivaxxers/Qanon types

    hehehehehehe….anti 5g is radio active

    thats some funny shit

    • jeezusfuckingchrist

    • I’m horrified that I did not think to create and market the Quantum Anti-5G Cesium-137 Suppository. Talk about a problem-solver!

  7. Big thanks to everyone who commented in here last night. I was traveling and then dealing with a household emergency and thus was not able to join in. Thank dog for the scheduling feature.

Leave a Reply