It’s time for Florida Man once more [DOT 30/6/2024]

30/6/24 bryanlsplinter 23
I find your lack of faith ... disturbing.

It’s me again, Deadsplinters. And it’s time for another Florida Man update. Although I think I’ll start with the elephant in the room.

This is where we are. None of us wanted to be here, and yet here we are. There’s no off ramp, there’s no way out but through. So yeah, stop it.

Knock it off!

“Biden stepping down” is a GOP Talking Point, don’t fall for it

Hell, yeah! Nobody’s delivering groceries in MY airspace!

Florida man admits to shooting Walmart delivery drone with 9mm pistol, deputies say

Police say he had no pants on and was wearing a woman’s blouse.

Florida man intentionally drove into jail, dropped several rubber snakes, deputies say

Hey, I’ve been late for flights too.

Florida man smashed through Orlando airport fencing, drove across runways, taxiways: affidavit

And then there’s this guy.

Florida man carrying nearly 500 grams of weed tries to steal plane to meet girlfriend, police say

“McMayhem.” Snork.

Florida Crime Files: McDonald’s employee shoots at customer in drive-thru, police say

Let’s not forget the ladies.

Florida woman scales apartment complex while trying to escape from deputies

Sometimes there are no words.

Machete fight: Man riding tricycle on beach gets into fight with another man over flashlight

Oh, hell no.

Florida man stole money from 12-year-old selling snacks: report

Turtle news. Not everyone in Florida sucks.

Amazing rescue! Mama sea turtle stuck in rocks at Florida beach

So what’s happening where you are, Deadsplinterites?

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23 Comments

  2. Weirdest story from our state this past week…

    https://www.kfyrtv.com/2024/06/28/troopers-rescue-rainforest-animal-called-kinkajou-dusty-highway-rest-stop/

    I’m not sure what he did but definitely pissed off someone in this neighborhood.  The Trash Pandas used to pop our kiddie pools in the night so maybe…?

    Today marks 50 years!

    https://www.king5.com/article/news/local/lgbtq/organizer-seattle-first-ever-gay-pride-week-reflects-historical-moments/281-793d9712-2d4a-4b2a-9b02-b69d2e024776

    • Today is New York’s (well, to be more precise, Manhattan’s; there are various others around the city) Gay Pride Parade. They’re expecting 2 million. They’ll probably get more.

      The last one I went to was in 2019 (pre-pandemic) to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. That’s how the NYC parade started: in 1970 we had our first one, to celebrate the riot the year before. That year they predicted 3.5 million. I scoffed. The total population of Manhattan is only about 1.5 million. But by God, I think they attained it. I have never, never been so crowded and crushed. And more kept coming in. I quickly became separated from the group I was with. BH promised to meet me later and luckily he did because together we made a two-man chain and pushed and pushed our way out of the madness. It was incredible.

    • So many questions. I mean, yes, what did Craig Gray III do to offend, but …

      Okay, there was presumably a Craig Gray the First and a Craig Gray the Second? So does villainy run in this raccoon’s lineage? And who’s been naming them?

      What bearing does the raccoon’s body mass index have on this? Is it to help identify the offending raccoon? “That can’t be Craig III, it’s way too fat.” “Naw, Craig III is much more wiry — that’s gotta be Daniel Fortman IV.”

      And demanding his head? That’s a tad … medieval, isn’t it?

      And the bounty is to be paid in dog treats? What if the bounty hunter doesn’t have a dog? Is there a cash conversion rate?

    • My Philly trivia: I’ve been to Philadelphia quite a few times. Once, I was staying in a hotel in Center City and they had complimentary delivery of the “Philadelpha Inquirer.” I was told by a Philadelphian that that is pronounced “The Fluffya Inkwire.” I’ve never forgotten that. I also went to Bookbinders and the White Dog Cafe. Usually I’m a much more adventurous culinary tourist but I had a bucket list, before that term was coined. Oh, I also saw all that incredible public art on the Penn campus. I hope it was spared the wrath of the mobs. Oh, oh, and I also went to South Street. Thank God there was no memorable sports event that Saturday night. Win or lose, you can be assured of mayhem.

  5. Well, last night, about an hour and a half after I posted about my own (non-)encounters with fame and celebrities, I was walking across an intersection with a walk signal on and looked to my left at the SUV that didn’t sound like it was slowing down, just in time to watch it swerve around me and run the red light that it had. I’m sure that’s probably tame by the standards of Florida at least (if not most other places), but it doesn’t make me any less glad to be here to tell the tale.

    It did sort of shake me the fuck up after it happened, though.

    • There’s a theory that one of the reasons why so many squirrels get run over is that their brains just aren’t wired to recognize cars. I think the brains of a lot of drivers just aren’t wired to recognize pedestrians. It’s one of the reasons why some get so angry at having to stop – in their mental state, the pedestrian took a Star Trek transporter beam right in front of them.

      It’s probably also a lot just drive by GPS now and don’t really process anything.

      • Well, I was (barely) in the right place for it, but no. If it had been, I might’ve just as easily been taken in for impeding governmental operations and then resisting arrest or whatever. . . .

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