Joe Biden: You Have Lost My Vote Forever Due To Your Outrageous Misrepresentation

This calumny shall not stand!

Dear Sir,

Sir, I was originally happy to hear about the expanded Child Tax Credit. Part of your $1.9 trillion stimulus package passed earlier this year, I appreciated the idea of lifting upwards of 50% of children and families out of poverty, of helping those in need, in making America a kinder place to live and love … and especially that I would be receiving some cold, hard government cash every month! I even had a plan on how I would fight childhood poverty: By stimulating the … uhhhh, economy … with small bills at the local strip club.

However, sir, and with all due respect, sir, your plan is an abject failure and will go down among the worst government programs ever designed.

I voted against the previous president in the hopes that the new occupant of the office — THE PEOPLE’S OFFICE, I REMIND YOU — would be more straightforward with us. It’s a giant letdown to find out that you, sir, are a bigger liar than the last guy, who according to NYT’s Maga Haberman was, at worst, an occasional embellisher of the truth who every so often misrepresented certain facts.

Sir, you spoke with purpose about lifting children out of poverty and the impact this tax credit could have. You even got notorious child-impoverisher Mitt Romney to agree that it was a good idea for several minutes. And on the heels of the recent Covid-related turbulence in our economy and attendant stimulus efforts, it certainly felt like a good idea.

Except that, sir, you have botched the rollout so completely that I simply can no longer consider you my president. With all due respect, sir, you have failed miserably, and condemned millions (possibly billions?) of children to poverty forever. You, sir, are Scrooge before the Muppet ghosts show up.

This isn’t an ivory tower complaint, either, and I do not say this out of partisan rancor. Qualifying families with children under the age of 6 were due to receive $300 this very month, while families with kids ages 6 to 17 would receive $250.

Well, sir, let me tell you: I have a 5-year-old, and I am a qualifying family, and sir, I did not receive the $300 I was promised, personally, by you.

Scandalous, sir. Utterly outrageous.

Now, I did receive $250, and my son does turn 6 years old next month, however, SIR, these seem like clearly fixable issues that you simply chose NOT to address during this appalling and disastrous rollout. I know that as a white male the system is not catered to my needs, but this is an injustice the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Popeye’s ran out of their new chicken sandwich.

Were you not thinking of the children? Why will nobody ever think of the children?!?!

Henceforth, sir, I have no recourse but to begin voting for the Republican Party, who touted your previous stimulus packages and this new legislation, and thus I assume voted for it in large numbers. Mr. Biden, SIR, do not expect a followup letter; I surely cannot afford postage without my missing $50.

Sincerely,
Clever Name Here dba Black Rod

P.S.: If helping 50% of children in poverty is good, could we try for, say, 100%?

P.P.S: Sir, this is the final “sir” I shall use until you fix this grave injustice, sir.

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About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 99 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.

4 Comments

  1. Sir,

    This is glorious.  Particularly this part:

    I have no recourse but to begin voting for the Republican Party, who touted your previous stimulus packages and this new legislation, and thus I assume voted for it in large numbers.

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