Hi, friends!
Monday again. Barf.
I know that myself and many other folks here had childhoods that were less than ideal at times. So now I’m seeing all the shit my friends and coworkers do for their kids, and I can’t tell if this is all sorts of new shit parents are expected to do nowadays or if my parents just DGAF.
Like people go all-out for that elf on a shelf thing. I see shit all the time for themed dress-up days for kids in school. Oh it’s the 100th day of school, dress like an old person who is 100! Pajama day! Clown day! Etc etc etc etc. One friend had her kid in elementary school have themed dress up days every day for a fucking week! I had uniforms for all 12 years of school, was this sort of thing regular in ye olde days? I keep thinking about how for lower income families or where parents are too busy/absent, kids aren’t participating. Last week I saw whole setups for “leprechaun traps!!!” that people were making with their kids.
Yeah I remember that stuff. It was called “spirit week.” I went to public schools that didn’t do the whole uniform thing. It was only just starting to be talked about by the time I was in high school so I missed all the uniform shit. Would seem to me that it would also be difficult for poor families to afford to buy 5 days worth of the same clothes. Hell, I would wear clothes until there was nothing left. (Actually I still do that.) I can’t imagine my parents having to pony up for a whole new wardrobe every year.
Yeah. We would sometimes fundraise for a charity event where it was like “pay $2 to dress in nonuniform clothes!” and typically oh no whoopsie I accidentally forgot… except really I didn’t have the cash to do it.
We didn’t have any of that shit in Hawaii. My daughters had something all the time like you mentioned. Spirit stuff & pajama days being most common. The worst is the elaborate things they do for homecoming dance or prom to ask each other out. Mostly for social media but it could go terribly wrong or just shame the ones that didn’t get asked. I couldn’t imagine how hard it is now for not cool kids. I have a niece that has tried to kill herself multiple times & because it is in TX, the schools discourage her from even seeking help! They told her it could prevent you from getting in the military or getting a job! My family was like, so does death assholes!!!!
I’m so sorry for your niece and her family.
Thank you
I’m glad your family disregarded that terrible advice.
They have had a terrible time getting her mental health. If she wasn’t 13 they wouldn’t even admit her into a hospital. Texas is a joke but our whole mental health system is broken.
Those fucking douches. I wonder how many kids have died in that school system and it was just “such a shame.”
Texas is a shit stain on this country. My sister used to brag about how great Texas schools were, they are not. I hope I never have to go back there.
Do they have the means to get her into a different school? I was severely bullied in my first year of highschool (equivalent to grade 6 in the US). I was tormented to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. My family had no idea how to help me other than to have me change schools the following year. It actually helped me a lot. Then again we didn’t have social media back then, so nothing followed me to the new school.
I am not close enough to that side of the family for them to take any advice from me. They probably don’t even know that I know about it.
We had those pep rally/assemblies in High School. Were you there for the “hand jive” contest? I was writing for the school paper and somehow got away with putting “congratulations to the Freshmen for winning the hand job contest” in print.
We didn’t have any of that stuff. And thankfully my daughter missed the Elf on the Shelf bullshit. That’s way too much work. Oddly enough, I have an Elf on the Shelf that was my mother’s. It’s got to be 80 years old now. It’s a dead ringer for that shelf motherfucker. But we just called it fucking elf and hung it up at Christmas. When the shelf got added, I don’t know.
My daughter did have a couple of things in elementary and middle school that were dress up days. And of course since I bow to no one as a seamstress guy (seamster?), she had awesome costumes. Once she was Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon. Another time she had to do a science project as Marie Curie. But the best was when she had to compare and contrast two artists, and she picked Lady Gaga and Vincent Van Gogh. She did half Gaga and half Vincent and turned from side to side as she delivered her lecture. She had crowds stopping her as she left the auditorium.
This kind of stuff was big when my daughter was in Elementary and MS. We lived in an area that was split between the well to do and impoverished. I let me daughter participate but didn’t get carried away because it really highlighted the difference between the groups. We moved when she was in HS and she was in the IB program and didn’t have time for any of that. I don’t know if the general studies students did spirit days or not.
My kids had a super simple dress code — khaki bottoms and navy top in elementary and middle school, then in high school they had a choice between navy or white tops.
And it was great. You could pick up a five pack of blue t shirts for $20 and have a weeks worth in one shot. The PTAs had fundraisers where parents would donate their pants and shirts after kids grew out of them or graduated and you could also score a week’s worth of clothes for $50.
My daughter went to high school at a technology magnet school and they had uniforms. They did the same thing — the PTA had a regular clothing sale where graduating students donated their clothes and incoming could buy them.
Especially in elementary school it was the way to go, since kids that age grow three inches in a week sometimes.
I would say that it is more over compensation than anything. Most of my friends with kids are in the upper middle class so they get to do shit like this easy.
I know from hearing from my immigrant coworkers who aren’t upper middle class get annoyed about shit like this.
So it lines up with your observation.
I’m going to blame social media for the uptick in parents who go all out for their kids at every occasion (especially the newly made up ones like elf on a shelf). Then there’s the consumerism side to blame for making costumes and junk more accessible both literally and in price.
The variation must be regional as well as age related. None of those shenanigans when I was a child; none when my son was in school. Although uniforms were required through middle school at both public and private institutions.
The school (pre-k special education) i work at does a fall “celebration week” and a spring “celebration week” where we staff & the kids are lightly encouraged to dress for each day’s theme.
But ours are little themes costume-wise.
One day of the week is typically “superhero or character day,” which means dress like your favorite superhero, wear a superhero item(s) of clothing, *or* dress as your favorite character… some kids wear last year’s Halloween outfit, others wear a favorite superhero t-shirt, or some of us dress like a TV or movie character (a couple times, I’ve been Sarah from Adventures in Babysitting–skinny jeans, red windbreaker, striped socks, red shoes, winged hat/helmet, paper towel tube with z box taped to the top-covered in aluminum foil for a hammer, and a backpack, with my hair down).
One day will be a “color” theme (teachers reach out to parents to find a color all the children own, then everyone wears that color)
We often have a “favorite or silly hats &/or crazy hair” day
The fall one will have “wear a costume” day (most kids wear their Halloween costume),
And there’s ALWAYS a “Pajama Day” where staff & kids almost all wear Pajamas (lots of us staff have bought one-piece pajamas when they go on clearance, to wear *specifically* for these days–from places like Target or Walmart–including me!).
The biggest thing with our celebration weeks, is that they’re ZERO pressure, and no one is made to feel bad for not participating.
We also *specifically* chose themes that we know *most* of our kids already own the clothes for, because we don’t want families to feel any need to go out & BUY things for that week! We’ll ask families what they want to wear, and ask if/what they have at home for dress-up/imaginative play clothes & build off that, so that alllll the kids can participate in at least a couple of the days.
And on Silly Hat day, we *also* pull out dress-up hats, and bring extra hats of *ours,* for any child who wants to wear one, but doesn’t have a hat of their own! We ALL own a few silly hats, that we’ve gotten at thrift stores *for* “silly hat day,” so we’re more than willing to share ours with the kids–and we *also* let the parents know that extra hats will be available–to relieve any stress/pressure they may feel😉💖