Let’s fight about it

Enter the octagon of food hot takes

Jumping off the DOT comments, in which my friend and compatriot SplinterRIP said — CORRECTLY — that bacon doesn’t need to be charred to be properly enjoyed.

So what are your food hot takes that’ll get you in trouble just for having them?

I’ll start with a few: Ketchup is perfectly fine on hot dogs; nobody should give a shit if you like your steak medium-well or more (I don’t, for what it’s worth, but I know some people who do and it doesn’t seem to impact their enjoyment); I appreciate a fancy grilled cheese but deep down I really just want trash-ass American cheese on there; a little cream makes coffee a lot better.

There, I said a few. Share yours and let’s fight it out!

About Clever Name Here dba "Black Rod" 99 Articles
Vell, Clever Name Here just zis guy, you know? Sometimes funny. Often annoyed. Once I saw a blimp.


  1. I cannot fully express the depths of your wrongness on bacon or steak.  Undercooking bacon leaves you with something so hideous you might as well just eat a slug.  Overcooking a steak is like slashing the Mona Lisa with a razor.  I will not countenance the wanton destruction of such a glorious object.
    And, yet, your takes on hot dogs and grilled cheese are good and correct.  I don’t use the plastic Kraft American cheese food product though–I go for the actual cheese, cheese.  If I wanted cheddar on my grilled cheese I’d just skip the whole process and pour a can of motor oil on my sandwich.
    Iced tea is bullshit.  No, it doesn’t matter if it’s sweetened or unsweetened.  Sweet tea is like a polished turd.

    • …I’m not saying undercook the bacon…but if you need to fold it to fit it in the sandwich that should still be possible

      …some (american) people I know aren’t satisfied unless the bacon shatters on contact with cutlery & that doesn’t work for me?

      …but I’m okay with being a heathen

    • I’m with you on most of your takes.  I will point out that shitty quality steak almost has to be overcooked to be consumable but any quality steak needs to be bleeding to be good. 
      I never understood iced tea but love Chinese hot tea!

        • It is usually beige in color, they serve it with your Chinese food.  Not from a tea bag but actual leaves.  This one is probably the best…
          Pu-erh Tea
          Sometimes served in dim sum restaurants, pu-erh (usually pronounced “pu-are” or “pu-air,” but may also be called “po-lei” or “bo-lay,” according to the Cantonese pronunciation) is an aged tea from China’s Yunnan province. It has a rich, earthy taste and a dark red-brown color. Aged pu-erh is considered a great delicacy by tea lovers, so it’s usually too expensive to serve in most local dim sum restaurants.

      • …I forget what the equivalent cut is in the US but onglet & bavette are cheap cuts in france that I’d definitely sooner eat rare than any other way?

        …they might get edible again if they were cooked slowly for a long time like you can braise a lamb shank or something…but much past rare they hit bootleather consistency & I think you might struggle to get “le garçon” to even take the order

        …mind you, I’ve been known to forget that what I meant to say is seignant (which more or less means rare by way of suggesting bloody) & order steak sanglant (which is more like bloody-by-which-I-mean-bleeding & not a generally accepted degree of cooked for steak)…which does have the advantage of letting the french person laugh at me but then more importantly not assume I need my order rounded up from rare to medium on account of being foreign?

    • As far as well done beef, I will say well done but cooked gently isn’t bad. Hanger steak is variable thickness and it’s pretty common to get it with the thin part well done when the thicker part is medium rare. Because it all cooks so quickly, the well done part hasn’t gone dry and tough.
      Cooking well done to the point of leather is pretty disrespectful to the poor steer, though.

  2. I’m pretty much a toddler. I need meat to be brown. I will absolutely spit out fat & gristle. The ONLY thing I put on hot dogs is ketchup. I can’t drink coffee without sugar and creamer. I don’t eat seafood (as in, no idea if it tastes good, I just won’t do it). I leave my tea bag in the mug the whole time I’m drinking hot tea because I don’t give a shit about “the rules of tea.” 

    • When I was a kid and ate meat, I would only eat beef/steak/whatever-cow-part if it was well done. No red visible. And if I got fat or gristle in my mouth it was MEAL OVER. But I was also just grossed out by the whole meat thing and stopped eating it at age 12, so that’s why.
      But the tea thing… You don’t have to care about the rules, but leaving the tea bag in too long makes it bitter… Unless it’s herbal tea? 

      • Mostly it’s herbal tea, or it’s a David’s Tea blend that has other stuff going on (black tea, but “red velvet cake” ). Also, how long does it take before bitterness happens? I have it drunk before it’s cooled off so it’s never happened.

    • I do that with my tea as well.  And I’ll often pour more boiling water in there another two or three times  (after that, it’s just getting too weak, and by then, it’s late enough I probably shouldn’t be taking in caffeine…)
      Also don’t care for the fat and gristle on meat.

      • My grandpa did that – several reuses from a tea bag, but he was crazy in general about reusing everything. When my mom had to clean out the house after he died, the basement was insane. He had an entire drawer of used broken windshield wipers. 

  3. I can drink black coffee, but it is absolutely improved by milk. I stopped sugaring it at some point, but that was mostly a health choice rather than a taste based one. I enjoy the occasional sugary coffee. 

  4. My mom used to char steaks to well done.  We’ve always had steaks well done.   Mom did this in part out of fear of poisoning her family.
    I broke this tradition when I went with medium on steak when eating out over a decade ago.  Never tried it that way before and well, I liked it a lot.  My mom freaked out later when I asked for my steaks to be cooked medium instead of well done.
    My sister later took a cooking course and started cooking beef medium/medium well.  Now my parents enjoy that, but it took a long time for them to adjust.
    As for ketchup, I put it on hotdogs depending on my tastes that day.  Sometimes I like a hotdog with ketchup, shoot me.  My sister went to Chicago for a weekend and lectured me on there is no ketchup on a hotdog blah blah blah Chi-town snobbery.  I also like to eat a dog dragged thru the garden Chi-town style.
    I agree, as much as I dislike eating “american” cheez slices, they are the best for grilled cheese.

  5. I do not care what your region considers bbq vs anything else. I flat out do not care. If it’s not a fish and you make it on a bbq pit, it’s bbq.

    We can bbq hot dogs or chicken or brats or burgers or whatever. Don’t fucking start with me on “it’s a cookout!” or “bbq has to be low heat” or whatever. I don’t even care if there’s bbq sauce. Just bbq it.

    The best cut of meat you’re not eating in bbq weather is a pork steak. 

      • I thought the Carolina people I met at grad school in Alabama were going to draw and quarter me when I was like “you wanna bbq burgers this weekend?” and they were “THAT’S A COOKOUT, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.”

        To Midwestern me, a cookout sounds like it would be synonymous with a clambake. It was a strange conversation, luckily alcohol was available. 

  6. I don’t like fancy-ass mac&cheese, nothing is better than the boxed college-student stuff.
    I sometimes just straight-up but broth in a mug and drink it.
    I think steak is overrated, I’d probably rather eat a plain chicken breast.
    Mayonnaise, especially homemade, is fuckin awesome.
    I’m sure I have a ton of others, but it’s not the sort of thing that comes to mind until it’s brought up by someone else…

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