Having been generously pestered invited to contribute some blog posts over here, I thought about what I might want to write about, and quickly realised it’ll be difficult to write anything that isn’t in some way connected to my newborn baby. She’s less than 3 months old and has voraciously consumed almost all my time with the same insatiable hunger with which she consumes milk and sensory information. I need to talk about her and I live on the internet, so I need to write about her, and the internet is a public place, so I am writing about her publicly. And I wonder about it.
Modern technology moves so much faster than human generations. We’re hastily and uncertainly writing the rulebook for digital etiquette as we go along, our manners trailing anxiously behind our careening race to document, digitise, share, and save increasingly more and more of our lives.
My daughter has already had her photo taken more often than my grandmother had in her whole life.
We’re fudging it. Squinting at the options (never mention the baby online? set up a baby Instagram? tag photos of her with our names? only share details and photos in private groups? share every milestone? use a nickname for her online? demand she sign a GDPR consent form before we give her any cookies?) and trying to come up with a set of rules that seems both fair and actionable. Do our best with high stakes and no experience. And hope she doesn’t hate us for it later. Luckily (???) that’s no different at all from any other aspect of parenting.
So I’m going to write, and some of it will be about her. I’ll call her Kenderín (“little Kender”, using the Irish language suffix). I’ll share photos that don’t show her face identifiably. I’ll translate the GDPR consent form to baby sign language. I’ll always try not to share anything that I would feel embarrassed or annoyed if someone shared about me without my consent.
Because we live in the future! And we’re so very lucky to be able to share with people all over the world. How incredible is that?
I’m sure future grown up bb will appreciate your thoughtfulness! Welcome, Kender and Kenderin!
i have a friend who has been posting her kids all over the internet for years. one time we went to her relative’s and she absolutely freaked out when i was shown a picture of her from when she was a child. i still point that hypocrisy out to her.
It’s a delicate balance, isn’t it, this wonderful way to share so much of our children (and lives), while still trying to maintain privacy and respect.
My wife is the share of the two of us, thankfully only posts pics of our son on FB/Instagram. Not to say that is great, but since I don’t use either, his exposure is minimal. The baby pics were the big thing, as since he’s grown(he’s 4) he doesn’t smile real for pics as much. We’re kinda stuck cuz most of our families live far away. I hate FB but there’s no other way they get to see him.
Welcome Kender! I didn’t have to walk that tightrope when my daughter was young. Social media was just starting out and there was a certain amount of suspicion about posting anything personal online. Then the pendulum swung to living life on Facebook and Instagram. Now it seems that the novelty may have worn off a bit, and people aren’t sharing every moment of every day. I’ll be interested in seeing how you navigate these uncharted waters for yourself and Kenderin. Yes, I mixed a bunch of metaphors! I keep telling myopicprophet that I’m a shit writer!
My wife & I never wanted to post our kids on Facebook, for the reasons you state but also we see Facebook as a place for people to brag & shame others for not having as much fun as them or whatever. We do have an account to see relatives in other states so we are a little hypocritical. I also have some big privacy & philosophical issues with Facebook. I usually text or email to family that really would like to see the kids but keep it to a short list. Good luck & look forward to seeing how you navigate this.
Is it safe to assume that has to do with the fact that FB is an alt-right, racist spy app mostly used for propaganda?
That is probably a good way to put it as well as how many people I have seen destroyed by it that have lost all their real friends but have 100’s of Facebook friends.