Michael Bloomberg and the Goblet of Fire

Seth Wenig/AP Images

Michael Bloomberg is pulling a Harry by sneaking his name into the Goblet of Fire that is the 2020 Presidential Campaign. Feeling like the current candidates don’t have what it takes to beat Voldertrump, Bloomberg is preparing to file on the Democratic ballot in Alabama, one of the Super Tuesday states.

He entertained a presidential run earlier, but felt that Joe Biden and his Obama Patronus could handle things on their own. Since, they’ve started tanking in the polls and Hermione Warren and Cedric “Bernie” Diggory are swinging a little too left with their house elf rights and Medicare for All, Bloomberg is a little worried about the big battle going down.

Stay tuned…


Sorry for the Harry Potter silliness – but for some reason it seemed to fit.


  1. I thought it was a pretty apt analogy, besides Bloomberg’s dumbass being Harry.

  2. It does fit, with the exception that Harry Potter was reluctant to view himself as the world’s savior, whereas Bloomberg seems to think it’s a natural fit ::eyeroll::

  3. He is just…why? I can’t even with this man.

  4. This fuckin’ guy.

    He’s absolutely not getting into the race because he thinks the other Dems can’t beat Trump. He’s getting into the race because he’s that afraid that either Warren or Sanders WILL get the nomination and WILL beat Trump, and like other billionaires, he’s losing his shit over the idea.

    I seriously don’t understand why he thinks the electorate is going to like him any more than Steyer or any of the existing Dem candidates. But then, he wouldn’t be where he is if he wasn’t an old rich white guy who thinks he is where he is because he’s the best. UGH.

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