Miss Me? [DOT 18/6/21]

Maybe you didn’t even notice I was gone since the Deadsplinterati did such a nice job covering for me.

I was away for my brother’s memorial. I wish it was for something more fun, but it was a fitting tribute and there were moments of fun in the week. Maybe someday I’ll get myself together enough to write something brilliant and poignant about him, but today is not that day.

Now let’s see what else is going on in the world:

I’m surprised they are facing any consequences at all actually.

St. Louis couple who pointed guns at protesters plead guilty, will give up firearms

It’s about time my birthday got the recognition it deserves!

Biden signs bill into law making Juneteenth a national holiday

Fuck around; find out.

US supreme court upholds Obamacare after Republicans seek to gut law

Not a mass shooting, just a Thursday.

At least 9 people taken to hospitals after shootings in West Valley area of metropolitan Phoenix


Wimbledon blow as Osaka and Nadal pull out and ticketing snags hit fans


Mortgage rates shoot higher after Fed Chairman Powell’s comments

Got a new Nic Cage masterpiece headed your way soon!

Have a great Friday!



  1. I noticed. Glad you’re back.

  2. Glad you’re back. I’m sorry for your loss and hope the memorial helped. 

  3. There’s a situation at work that I’d like to ask for advice/experience.
    One of our employees is possibly in a domestic violence situation. This morning I got a text about being late, followed by a phone call where I hear them verbally fighting. After a bit I get another call that the employee’s BF won’t let her have her keys to get to work. The BF appears to have a history of substance abuse and the employee has called cops on him before. About half an hour later I called to check on her and she said she’s on her way to work, crying.
    I’m planning on presenting her with info to get in touch with a few local DV shelters, find counseling, and research how to obtain a restraining order for her county as well as for the workplace. I’ll talk to coworkers about organizing rides for her if necessary.
    The job seems to be the only source of stability in her life, sadly. We don’t want this shit to cost her her job on top of all her other problems. 
    Any recommendations for other ways we (the company or person) could help?
    Background: a few years back a male employee with no surface issues ended up shooting a girlfriend, injuring her, then took his own life. We’re a bit concerned about violence getting to the workplace but also have been collectively grappling with the “could we have seen this coming” and “thank God that shit didn’t go down at work” thoughts.

    • Oof, I think you are doing all the right things but tread carefully. You just never know what abusers will do. Sometimes when they are exposed as abusers they slink away, sometimes not. Sometimes standing up to them helps, sometimes not. Mine had his hands on my neck and told me he was going to kill me. I told him to do it because it was better than being with him. He got up and started packing and left. My neighbors have an abusive relationship of the weirdest kind, he’s a classic angry guy, she winds him up because it makes her feel…special? Like I said weird. A couple of years ago she ran down the street in pj’s screaming to the neighbor to call the cops, they called the cops. Two days later he’s back at home and the neighbors who called the cops are the enemy, they have to appear at court, it’s a mess.

      • Thanks. What we’re trying to do is to not step into their lives where we don’t belong. But the escalation could be so quick that nodby can react in time. I don’t know if there’s a good middle that’s even possible. 

        • Does your company have EAP? I would steer her in that direction. That has been an incredible help to me in my life but you have to be open to it.

    • The Domestic Violence Hotline has information identifying abuse and supporting victims. I certainly sounds like he’s controlling at the very least. 


    • I think the best advice I could say is: Make sure she wants the help.

      Not to be every moron on social media — “durr why doesn’t she just leave???!? I would just leave!!!!!11!!!!” — but if she doesn’t really want to escape the cycle, your offer may appear to her as an accusation rather than as assistance. (And of course, he would be thrilled to spin it that way if he found out.)

      I do appreciate you for trying to help HER rather than seeing her as a potential problem, which is usually how HR departments treat this sort of thing. I hate HR departments.

    • Speaking as someone who was both on the receiving end of an abusive marriage, and as someone with a history of substance abuse, the two dynamics aren’t particularly similar.  If the problem is DV, then Hannibal’s link is a good place to start.  However, if the problem is substance abuse–and her desire to control his addiction–then she would be better served by attending Al-Anon Family Group meetings and getting help there.  From what little we have to go with here, it’s not clear which is the actual problem (or even if both are the problem), so it may be worth just having a conversation with her first before offering resources.  If she’s still upset when she gets to work, that’s actually a good time to do it because she won’t have had time to mentally reset herself and minimize the problem.  But, as Sedevilc says, tread carefully.

    • This is really difficult. To start with, I am not a professional. I’ve seen this in the workplace (several times now) and I’ve done some charitable work with domestic violence agencies but the best thing she can do is talk to people who know what they’re doing.
      In a severe domestic violence situation, the “standard” response is typically for the victim to quietly gather her (sometimes his – yes, I’ve seen it) resources and disappear. That’s the safest course if she’s in danger. We have domestic violence shelters here with high security that do not allow visitors without extreme vetting. But that means either she quits her job or if she continues to work, her most vulnerable point would be at work itself (he knows when and where she’ll be), which obviously places other employees in jeopardy as well as her. It may not be that bad, but you have to assume it is. One of the companies I worked for hired private security in response to a domestic violence situation (individual making credible threats against the workplace), but that’s not going to be the norm. They preferred that to letting some shitwagon come in and shoot up the place. 
      She’s going to need professional assistance to untangle herself from this asshole. EAP is a good starting point if available but if not, she should call the domestic violence hotline (see Hannibal’s post). She may need “time off” during the workday to clandestinely meet with appropriate counselors. That’s probably the best thing you can do to help — get her talking to the right people and give her time to do it when the asshole thinks she’s at work and won’t be stalking her.
      This part gets tricky and you need to be really, really careful and possibly check with HR and/or the victim’s counselor. You may need to cover for her if the asshole starts calling or checking, if that’s possible and if it’s not risky — be careful about sharing names with him. I’ve seen an abusive spouse dial cell and desk telephones over and over for hours while the victim was in a meeting and then start screaming at the victim when he (this was a he) finally was able to answer. 
      A lot will depend on how bad the situation is and that needs to be assessed by professionals. I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but good luck. I hope this works out for her. 

    • Everyone else has given thoughtful replies and helpful links; I just want to post a comment in solidarity to you. Not being able to fix what is wrong, and having so many potential repercussions…I feel for you and your position.

    • Everyone else has given great advice that I don’t have much to add to, but the one thing that jumped out at me in your post was talking to coworkers to organize rides – I’d be very careful discussing any of this with coworkers. I don’t know how widespread the knowledge of this is, if people are gossiping, whatever, but you just want to make sure you’re respecting her privacy as much as possible. I would talk to her alone and not involve anyone else at work who isn’t involved yet until you know she wants that type of help. 

  4. @MegMegMcGee You were missed, welcome back. I hope you found some being with family and friends at the memorial.

  5. @MegMegMcGee, you were very much missed. As CleverName said, may his memory be a blessing. I hope that your memories of your brother are filled more with joy and less with loss as time goes by.

  6. It did, thank you!

    • You don’t ask the easy questions, do you, Ellie? 
      I’m willing to offer some conjecture. First, from a geopolitical standpoint, the Tampa Bay area is home to a startling number of hate groups (https://www.splcenter.org/hate-map).
      This cretin William Braddock’s tactic may be designed to appeal to that group and will probably play extremely well. A quick Google doesn’t tell me if Anna Paulina Luna is Hispanic, but I’m guessing that she is. Hispanics are very reliable voter base and she is a veteran and her husband is a decorated veteran. She’s also (if I may be so bold) young and attractive and clearly chooses to emphasize that, so Braddock is probably feeling threatened on a number of levels. Note that his putative “hit squad” is supposedly from primarily white countries.
      We must also consider the fact that Braddock is indeed batshit crazy. Such details are no barrier to election in Florida. 
      From a legal standpoint, the whistleblower, Erin Olszewski, is on shaky ground, because Florida. Florida is a two-party consent to record state, and no exceptions are made in the case of threats of violence, because Florida. So the whole thing may well be inadmissable and Braddock may face no consequences, because Florida. At this point I should also note she’s a “conservative activist” and must thus be viewed through a lens of extreme suspicion, because “conservative.”
      Looking for the positives, the best takeaway here is that the Republicans are actively destroying themselves. Val Deming’s decision to run for Senate and Charlie Crist’s decision to run for governor (again) are sparking feeding frenzies among local Republicans, who are stabbing each other in the backs with absolute gusto. There’s been a lot of conjecture that Trump has split the party between the crazies and the run-of-the-mill assholes, and that’s going to cost them in the midterms. We are seeing this play out here. I’m hopeful but not convinced. 

      • Thank you for your analysis! I knew you would have greater insight. My favorite: “We must also consider the fact that Braddock is indeed batshit crazy. Such details are no barrier to election in Florida.

  7. @MegMegMcGee I noticed you weren’t around.  I figured you’d be back after I saw  your nice selfie on Twitter.  Thank goodness you’re back because there have been some shenanigans going on and we need your shining example.

    • Thanks Luigi! While the cat’s away and all that…


    • Thanks for mentioning this; I meant to and then forgot. 


      • I loved that show so much.  I still say Chai Chai Rodregweez!

  8. Sorry ’bout your Brother, Meg, but I’m GLAD that you guys were able to celebrate him, and have some good time with each other, in his memory💖
    Glad, too, that you’re back!😉😁

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