Some of us are NCAA basketball knowers. Others of us are just it in for BRACKET MANIA! This is a ranking only of how good/cool/fun the teams’ nicknames are; this will in no way offer help in making bracket selections. Except that it probably will, because brackets are like that. Note that I’m only doing the men’s side; the women’s tourney is Caitlin Clark’s to win and I hope she crushes it.
Tier I: Hell Yeah, Buddy
1. South Dakota State Jackrabbits
2. Stetson Hatters
3. Longwood Lancers
4. Long Beach State Beach
5. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
6. Akron Zips
Tier II: Great Name, No Notes
7. Iowa State Cyclones
8. Saint Peter’s Peacocks
9. Howard Bison* (has already lost)
10. Oregon Ducks
11. Grand Canyon Antelopes
12. Kansas Jayhawks
13. Creighton Bluejays
14. New Mexico Lobos
Tier III: Good, Not Great
15. Vermont Catamounts
16. Duquesne Dukes
17. Purdue Boilermakers
18. James Madison Dukes
19. Dayton Flyers
20. Texas Longhorns
21. Florida Gators
22. Oakland Golden Grizzlies
23. Nebraska Cornhuskers
24. Michigan State Spartans
25. Tennessee Volunteers
26. Florida Atlantic Owls
27. Wisconsin Badgers
Tier IV: Fine, If A Tad Banal
28. Connecticut Huskies
29. Colorado Buffaloes
30. Marquette Golden Eagles
31. University of Alabama at Birmingham Blazers
32. Colgate Raiders
33. Montana State Bobcats
Tier V: Sorry, You’re A What Now?
34. South Carolina Gamecocks
35. Alabama Crimson Tide
36. Saint Mary’s Gaels
37. TCU Horned Frogs
38. North Carolina Tar Heels
39. Illinois Fighting Illini
40. Utah State Aggies
41. Texas A&M Aggies
42. Texas Tech Red Raiders
Tier VI: Sorry, You’re A What Now (Possibly Cancelled Division)
43. San Diego State Aztecs
Tier VII: Let’s Steal An NFL Name!
44. Morehead State Eagles
45. Colorado State Rams
46. Baylor Bears
47. Wagner Seahawks
48. McNeese State Cowboys
49. Boise State Broncos
Tier VIII: Never Heard That One Before!
50. Yale Bulldogs
51. Drake Bulldogs
52. Samford Bulldogs
53. Gonzaga Bulldogs
54. Mississippi State Bulldogs
55. Grambling State Tigers
56. Clemson Tigers
57. Auburn Tigers
58. Charleston Cougars
59. Houston Cougars
60. Washington State Cougars
61. BYU Cougars
62. Northwestern Wildcats
63. Arizona Wildcats
64. Kentucky Wildcats
Tier IX: The Memorial Fuck Coach K Stupid Name For Stupid Team Division
65. Duke Blue Devils
Tier X: Just Hit Me With A Bus
66. Virginia Cavaliers* (have already lost)
67. Nevada Wolf Pack
68. NC State Wolfpack
I always read the “Vermont Catamounts” as the “Vermont Catamites” which would be a much better name, IMO.
I came here to make the same comment. A whiff of ancient Roman decadence, sporty young males, Colosseum-like arenas, bread and circuses for the unwashed masses…the more things change, the more they stay the same.
My alma mater is named the Golden Gaels… (Gael is Scottish for Bear.)
So we share it with the U Cal and St. Mary’s
…ok…entirely the wrong sport…but I just today heard about an amateur football league for overweight men in the UK which has an adjusted scoring system based on whether the players have gained or lost weight in the preceding week…several teams were mentioned & almost all the names were some degree of pun/funny…but I can only remember what seemed like the top drawer entry
…as far as I’m concerned everyone else already lost that game now?
As a fat person myself, that whole concept sounds mean and unenjoyable to me.
Glad it works for others, but absolutely not for me. 🤣
…it likely sounds at least a bit less offensive in context…but probably not as much less as you’d hope?
…there’s enough material to keep several university faculties busy to the way the male british sports fan approaches…the umbrella term is generally “banter” but that undersells the holistic aspect of the thing…so if I could remember some more of the names the way they tend to riff off a combination of a fat joke & a recognizable name of a “real” team would start to have a sort of pattern to it…& one of the people who spoke about it from a participant point of view made a point that to a considerable extent the overarching tendency in the name choices seemed to be pretty consciously intended to deflate any incipient tendencies to take the on-pitch stuff too seriously
…which probably sounds like nonsense but honestly made considerable sense to me based on people I’ve known from that part of the world…as does the equally-likely-to-sound-offensive name they gave to the whole league when it got big enough for that to be a thing…which I believe is “man v. fat”…but given it seems to have been one of those “grew organically” things & does appear to be seen as a massively positive thing by at least the people who participate…I guess I kind of skipped past that issue the way I sometimes do religion…in that it seems to work for them so the part where it doesn’t or wouldn’t for me mostly doesn’t bother me at a conscious level?
…it’s a fair point well made, though…& I’ll try to bear it in mind when I consider transposing things that come from a context I’d likely fail to bring along for the ride?
It’s a damn shame that UC Santa Cruz is in division III
I was really hoping this would be a joke bracket with all the team names based on popular dildos and vibrators.
You started off strong with the jackrabbits.
Ach lieben! I apparently can’t get this photo to show up. I’LL TRY AGAIN BY GOD.
Hey Hitachi knows how to make good equipment!
https://deadsplinter.com/bp-attachments/public/members/clevernamehere2/view/6ad1c9d064f9a1d43b40e13ff40ee198/
I give Duke some credit for keeping the Devil name on the edges of the bible belt. But it will still take them a loooong time to lose the K stink.
Illinois Illini is a s dumb as the Houstan Texans in the NFL, but somehow the Long Beach State Beach is awesome.
The Alabama Crimson Tide is made even more mysterious when combined with Deacon Blues.
Nice Steely Dan reference there.
IMO Texans is the worst name (non-racist division) in the NFL.
“Beach” is amazing and I didn’t realize until I was looking at all the nicknames earlier today that it was on the board this year.
Huh. My alma mater, Stetson Hatters, made the list. Mostly people think it’s a stupid name.
It’s so stupid it’s amazing! Stetson! Hatters! COME ON!!!!
…I generally can’t pick a single favorite anything but out of your list I think that was probably mine?
Stetson’s one of the cool rural/rural MURRICA obsession names now for boys. Colt and Remington are also gaining popularity.
The school was founded by John B. Stetson, who was, in fact, responsible for the hat.
I was curious where Duke would end up, and I am not disappointed.
I’m just glad my AZ Wildcats are ranked higher than the KY Wildcats…even though they’ll get smoked early like they always do.