“OH WOW DID I JUST SEE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT METER ON SANTA’S SLEIGH SPIKE INTO THE RED? “

Do you miss Drew like we miss Drew? I’m so happy he’s found a home at Vice, but there’s just something missing from their website. Where’s the fun in having an entire shitpost about the Williams-Sonoma catalog if a bunch of randos like us can’t throw their own shade and opinions at it?

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/qjd4k3/the-2019-haters-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-catalog

My favorite turn of phrase is:

” There’s also something called a “garlic rocker” in here, because when it comes to garlic, I wanna ROCK DAT ASS.”

What made you LOL in Drew’s Hater’s guide?

I’m ashamed to admit I kind of love the Night Before Christmas Champagne Bucket:

See anything you can’t live without?

Drew says: Every Christmas, Williams-Sonoma assumes you’re horny for tartan. Like you put on a kilt and affect a Scottish brogue and scream AYE YA WEE LADS AND LASSES! WITHOOT BOREDARE LINNUNS, THIS HULLIDAY IS SHITE!!! There must be tartan, and there must also be decorative berries that are poisonous if spotted out in the wild. That’s Christmas, baby. I like to play bagpipes in the nude and then decorate my walls with thorny brambles for unsuspecting guests to accidentally brush against. Pairs well with my contempt for society in general.

Tag Yourself: I’m Horny For Tartan

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6 Comments

  1. Thank you for the link! I love Drew’s Hater’s Guide.

    JANSEN! THE FLOOR SPRINKLES!

    How do you eat a cake like that? You cut it open,the M & Ms and sprinkles fly out everywhere, when you slice it do you scoop up the candy and put it on the plate? Are you supposed to eat it with a spoon?
    I want the Hobnail bowl for me mixer though.

  2. One year I asked my wife for a slotted spoon, and I told her it was fine to just get a cheapo one from Target or the dollar store. I just wanted something to fish boiled eggs out of hot water, that kind of thing.

    So Christmas comes, and to my dismay she had gotten me one from Williams Sonoma. It was this overengineered monstrosity, heavier than hell and about the size of a toilet plunger, no doubt designed to make an impression in some suburban McMansion designer kitchen.

    I gritted my teeth and smiled and said something like “ooh, fancy” and then waited for a few months to get a cheapo one which I use while I claim the WS one is dirty, if she’s looking.

    I’m surprised by all of the Star Wars junk I’m getting a serious Sharper Image vibe from them I didn’t know they had.

    $12 for a break resistant wine glass is surprisingly affordable for WS. I think of something like that as usually priced much higher since half the buyers are people looking for the cheapest thing on the gift registry,

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